Monday 3rd May
I think it can really be said that I've lost my mojo at the moment - I'm feeling actually quite low and need to get a grip cause in the past when I've tried to diet I may have had a bad day which then leads to a bad week and then I dont go back to class and all the good work that I've done is wiped out in a matter of days.
Was feeling pretty lazy today, not like me at all. Did n't really do very much except eat and then if I was n't eating I was thinking about food. I'm bored, eating the same things time and time again so part of the major plan has to be to try to liven things up a bit - I've got loads of recipes and books that I can use to make a huge variety of lovely appealing dishes and give myself the variety that I need.
Had a bad evening really, had some things I was n't meant to have but for once I'm just accepting this as a minor blip and have convinced myself that if I do put on this week at least I will know why. I deserve to put on in all honesty with some of the crap that I have eaten - its not like I've been stuffing my face but I've had things which are certainly not condusive to my healthy living plan. Fresh start tomorrow, I'm not going to turn this into a bad week just cause of couple of bad days.
The difference of how I feel when I'm eating rubbish and when I'm having a good diet is huge - for the last few weeks where I've had a good varied but very healthy diet I have so much energy and I'm on the go all the time yet when I'm eating rubbish I feel lethargic, not motivated and totally not be arsed to do anything - I noticed it mostly when I had a bad day recently and ate more chocolate than I have done in a long time. After wards I felt terrible, miserable and not in the mood to do anything except lounge around - no more will I have these days, I'm going to change it and get onto an even keel!
Tuesday 4th May
I have kept feeling all day long that it was monday and not tuesday. I was trying to work out how many days I had before weigh in so that I could see if I could turn thinks around before weigh in on thursday and in all honesty if I'm good then there is no reason why I can't.
I'm actually quite proud of myself cause all day I've been battling the need for naughty things and I di dn't give in and let myself down - yes I've done lots of picking but only on things I'm allowed so that's a really good achievement for me as usually I'd have given in but I battled on so yeah me!
I really do need to add some variety into my diet - only so long that one can live on beans and mash and baked beans on toast. I'm going to study my books and tomorrow inshallah go and buy the ingredients to make me some gastrimonical meal - all good free food but nothing like I've been eating before.
I've still been down about the plan though and was quite touchy today and hubby bore the brunt of it poor thing - he offered me some chocolate which I did n't react too kindly too cause in my eyes that is not being supportive -he knows I can't eat it on my plan but he did have a point when he said that he can't really win either way cause if I demand chocolate and he does not bring it then I'm a prize bitch but if he does bring it and I eat it then he's not being supportive!! Poor man, no wonder he's slightly confused lol
I'm off for an early night now, really need some sleep and don't want to stay awake anyway cause all I'll do is want to eat! Night night ladies xxx
Wednesday 5th May
Today was a good day, actually it was a bloody fantastic day! I'm finding my mojo again and it feels great. Actually I decided quite a few things today and hope that they bring positivity back into my healthy eating plan!
First of all I went to boots and weighed - oh I know I should nt but I wanted to have some idea what the scales were going to tell me when I hit slimming world tomorrow so I could be prepared - all things considered being a pound down was really good - it could so easily have been alot worse and a gain cause of the couple of bad days that I have had. Saying that I was totally prepared for a gain today cause this time I would know exactly why it happened and not be totally gobsmacked like I was last week.
I went to Costa for coffee with my eldest daughter and really enjoyed spending time with her - think we managed to sort out some of the differences we have, mainly her bedroom and we came up with a plan to sort it out - more storage and a room change around is now in order, it was planned for the weekend but missy had other plans. Sometimes I see myself in her, she's pretty much as stubborn as I was at that age, and argueably as stubborn as I still am! I was n't as melotramatic as she is and a disorganised but there is still hope for her, she's got alot of maturing to do before she heads off into the big wide world for Uni next year. Infact it scares the hell out of me thinking of her out in the big bad world all by herself........ anyways I was tempted to get something naughty in Costa but stuck to my skinny latte and two bites of Yaz's Tippin and it was really really nice, could have eat a slice to myself but patted myself on the back for resisting!
I caught up with a close friend today who is following the plan too - Emma my partner in crime so to speak! She has kind of lost her mojo too, hardly suprising as she had a death in the family week before last and she had to arrange the funeral and the food etc, think her excuse is so much more valid than mine - I love catching up with her, we are both so busy with family etc that we dont often have the time to have a good old natter so today was really lovely to talk about what was going on with us both - strangely we both said the same thing about how we were feeling after eating rubbish - on Sunday I had chocolate and afterwards I felt really down, sluggish and just not well at all and Em has been experiencing the same thing when she's come off plan and not eaten the right food - both of us dont want to continue feeling like that so another incentive for us to get back on plan - hope our little chat helped her as much as it helped me.
Here's to another successful day tomorrow, I'm getting right back into it and hope my 'blip' is off somewhere distant in the horizon for a good long while!
Thursday 6th May
Voting day is finally here! I've never voted before, never really been interested but decided today that I was going to vote - there has been many debates if Islamically its allowed to vote or if its haram - I decided its between me and Allah and if there is a problem with it then I'll deal with that as and when!
After I took Haydar to nursery I nipped to tescos to make sure I had plenty of fruit in etc, dont want to put myself in a situation where there is nothing good for me to eat and then headed off to do a few errands and vote - was good with food all day, did n't deprive myself but had nothing naughty.
The scales liked me today!! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I dropped two pounds which all things considered was good - I was prepared for a gain but this time I would have known where the gain came from so it was going to be ok. This has motivated me loads and loads and I'm going to have another good week. I stayed to class and it really helped me cause I talked about some issues that I have - we disccussed my feelings about free food actually being eaten to the point where its too much but I was told that is not the case so to eat as much free food as I like - deffinately going to put that to the test next week - I'm going to eat when I'm hungry and as long as I'm eating only good healthy stuff then I should still have a loss. We shall see!
Friday 7th May
We have a hung parliment! What a bloody mess we've got into now (we as a nation, the UK), no one has the majority vote so basically the government is useless and can be over ridden by the other two main parties in desicions etc - not suprised really, the governmental system there has been a joke for far too long!
Every time I eat too bloody early in the morning I end up having a day where I can't stop eating - why is that?? I had a really busy day today and wanted to eat all day long. I had too many syns today, not going to list what I ate but I feel ok about it cause the syns that I ate were n't in chocolate or cakes etc so it was kind of a controlled thing. Need to find some fresh ideas of things to eat and get out of this rut that I am in where I'm basically eating the same things all day and every day. I think that my problem today was that I ate too many of my 'treats' too early in the day - for example I'd had all my 15 syns and my healty extra b choices by 12 and I usually leave them for me to enjoy much later in the day when I get my munch attacks so that will not be happening again. When evening came and I had no good options to eat except free food I struggled a bit so never again.
I noticed today for the first time really that I've lost weight - I put on an abayah that I had made about 4 months ago I guess and it fitted me perfectly then but it was deffinately on the loose side today which is great but I was tripping over it cause its too long - how strange is that, you lose weight and not only do things get loose but they get long too - guess its cause they are not stretched across so much surface area lol
I went to visit the sister of a friend today who's little boy is in hospital here in Leeds and has been really quite poorly - they live in halifax and the hospital there does n't deal with pediactric surgery so they were transferred here - bless him he looked so depressed and poorly - he's not much older than my Haydar and it broke my heart seeing him lying there with tubes all over him - he has pneumonia, missed by the GP and has been poorly for quite a while now - we should all make thanks each and every day for the health of our loved ones, it can turn around so quickly and especially little ones, they can become poorly so so quickly!
My boys went to their dad's house today for the weekend! I have to say it was really needed, I've been having alot of stress with them lately for one reason and another and I need to wind down and chill out so perfect timing cause all the stress does n't help my eating cause I've realised I'm such an emmotional eater - when things go wrong I become like a mad woman and start scratching around looking for naughty things to eat and when I eat them its not cause I'm hungry or really need them but they seem to help me through - I want to change there, want to have a normal reaction to stress and not sink in the junk food crap that I usually do. I wonder what makes different people react to certain situations differently. I mean how come I turn to food, others turn to drink, some to drugs. I think the basis of the situation is the same, when it comes down to it, every one that turns to something like that has an addictive personality just their addiction is to different things. There must be some proper therapy out there to deal with these kinds of personalities, wonder how you find out about these kinds of things.
I'm postive tomorrow will be a much more positive day!
Saturday 8th May
Today passed pretty uneventfully, I had a good day with food, ate loads of free food and no more sins or healthy extras than I should have but I ate when I was hungry and enjoyed it and I'm going to contine doing that all week and then see how things are on the scales on thursday. I'm hoping they show a good loss cause I do need a good boost to give me the incentive to carry on with the plan.
We spent alot of the day clearing out the office/spare room, got so much junk its unbelievable and I dont know where it all comes from but its looking good in there now and at least we can see the floor and can find the computer at the end of the room. Sorted out loads of other things to give away on freecycle as well, suprising what junk that belongs to other people, people find a use for!
Hubby said today I'm eating too much! What a turn around - for ages he was telling me I'm not eating enough - well fair enough he had a point when all I was eating all day was chocolate, crisps, cake bla bla and full fat coke. Yes I am eating more but I'm eating the right stuff and its all free but he's having trouble understanding the free food plan. Listen hubby, I know what I'm doing and I'm doing it the right way so just hush up and watch the pounds melt away :P
Sunday 9th May
Ironing Ironing and more bloody ironing, thats the bane of my life and I hate it - mind you if I dont do it, no one will so I have to get on with it.
I've decided I need to seriously cut down on the beans or I'm going to end up in the divorce courts. The kids and hubby have actually stopped asking me if I've trumped cause its a never ending haze of trumpy smells. Not my fault, mind you the beans deffinately smell worse on the way out than they did on the way in - wonder why that is? I did last all day without any beans but then had some beans and mash in the evening.
Spent loads of today putting listings on Ebay and then sorting out stuff that I need to get posted that people have bought off me. I hate doing it but its a good way of making some money back to buy things that the kids need. I'm going to save up for a while I think till the next Next sale then go have a big blow out!
Hubby caught me pinching 2 chips and a fishcake from the kids dinner tonight and shouted at me (not in a horrible way) but he made it very clear they are forbidden foods and I was n't allowed them - since when did he become the expert??? Mind you I guess I should be happpy that he is finally taking notice and realising I'm serioius about this weight loss plan - as long as it takes I'm going to be sticking to it inshallah.
New week tomorrow - can't believe we are going into week 9 - wonder how much weight I would have put on in that time if I was n't following the plan?? Worked out I've lost 2 stone 4 pounds, not as much as I've lost in the past but I've not suffered for it or gone hungry which is totally different to times in the past where I've had to starve to get big amounts of weight off! Yeah me, heading in the right direction at least x!x
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