100% and More Week 12

Monday 31st May

I'm using this picture to remind me what could happen to me if I don't stick to the plan and deviate!!

Whohoooo Day 4 of 100% is complete and there were many temptations that came in my way today. We took the kids to soccer city (we as in my friend who is staying with her kids) and the kids had chips - there was jacket potatos on the menu and I chose that but typically they did n't have any so I had to settle with beans onf toast. I did n't even pinch ONE chip!! Yeah Yeah How Good am I!!!! I hope and pray that the scales reflect how good I have been this week cause I might just go under if I dont get a good weight loss after trying so hard.

It's official!! Old, Married, Fat, what ever I may be I still have it!!! Despite wearing a hefty wedding ring, a hijab (headscarf) and 6 kids in tow, Pheonix (he introduced himself as that) still tried to chat me and my pal up as we were sat in the car outside my house!! God help him if hubby had been around and I was quite quick to tell him I was married and he was in danger of having his head kicked in but either he did n't understand or he did n't care he still kept talking and asking questions! I think in the end it was the disaproving looks of my son on the steps of the house and quick thinking from my pal that got us out of the situation - an idiot he may be, or a very brave man considering the size of my husband but it did feel kind of good to know I still had it haha just joking, I could n't get out of there fast enough! I did ask him if he was muslim to see if he understood the headscarf etc and he said his mother was but he did n't grow up with islam around him - I'd never have guessed, I said inshallah you will come to islam and walked into the house.

Right I'm off to jiggle my wobbly bits a bit more to see I can burn some more fat haaaaa!

Tuesday 1st June

Craziness is the name of the game in my house at the moment - trying to compete with 8 kids and all that comes with them, is practically impossible at the moment!

Today was supossedly an 'extra easy' day - basically it does what it says on the packet, pretty much everything is free with only a few things being hb and the rest as syns - your allowed to eat everything free on a green and a red day, one hb choice and one ha choice as long as you fill 1/3 of your plate with super free foods - pretty amazing concept really cause I was able to eat roast chicken and rice on the same plate. Personally I can't help thinking that is only going to slow down weight loss so I'll be sticking to my greens but once in a while an 'extra easy' day won't hurt.

I can't emphasise enough how stressed out I felt today - my 3 boys were thinking they were smart and gave me a constant drip drip drip of bad behaviour all through the day - I did n't handle it fantastically and had a few blips in the evening cause of the stress but I'm ok about it, was n't enough to do any damage and I felt a dam sight better afterwards. Why is my response to stressful situations always involve food - why could n't it be something like going for a 5 mile jog or cleaning the house top to bottom 5 times over - I must have a flawed chip inside my brain, saying that I think half the population have the same response!

My buddy and I took some time out in the evening as we were so stressed out - left hubby lecturing the boys, and my daughter taking care of Haydar and we just went for a drive and we giggled and giggled and pretty much acted like 8 year olds haha but it was so good for both of us to get out of the house and to chill after the day we had with the kids. Laughter so rightly as always is the best form of medication!

Wednesday 2nd of June

So far so good! Aside from last night I'm pretty much on track for a really fantastic week and I hope it is reflected in my weight loss this week.

I've got a maxi dress!! It's gorgeous, just not sure its so gorgeous when I'm inside of it or if its just because I'm not used to wearing that sort of thing! I keep wondering about the term maxi dress - kind of sounds like some kind of tent that morbidly obese women wear to cover up all those unsightly lumps and bumps - I keep looking at it on the hanger (infront of me as I type) and tryin to work out if I'm actually going to get away with wearing it - think I'll give it a whirl, after all whats the worst that can happen - my waddling down the street looking like a sugar bloody fairy is probably as bad as it can get haha

Fantastic day on the plan - had nothing I should n't have done and was really in control and eatin all the right things. My friend went home today with her kids so the house seems really quiet and not as stressful so plan wise there should be nothing to get in my way at all - I'm off out to lunch with my mum and her friend and 3 of my children tomorrow but as long as I make sensible choices then it should n't be a problem!

Thursday 3 June

Today was just such a fantastic day today for a couple of reasons. The weather was fantastic!! We could n't have chosen a better day to go up to the Dales and go out for lunch. I loved it today, I don't really get much chance to spend quality time with my mum, she's so busy with work and I'm so busy with the kids etc so today was really quite special. On top of that I have to be so very proud of myself. We went to a quaint little tea room and I had no breakfast just in case I went a bit mad over lunch but I had a jacket potato with beans, no cheese or butter and typically I was sat opposite the dessert display!!! Amazing looking cheese cakes, chocolate fudge cakes, passion fruit cakes and on and on and on and guess what!! I did n't have anything, did n't even pinch a chip off Haydar's plate. How focused and dedicated was I!! After lunch we walked a little bit and spent time in a lovely park in a gorgeous setting - Haydar had the best time running around playing on everything - was just such a nice day.

How well was I rewarded for my dedication this week!! 5.5 pounds off!! I'm so pleased with myself and it shows what happens when I follow the plan to the T and write everything down. I'm going to try for the same again this week. Just want to boost my weight up for a few weeks to have me feeling focused and seeing the pounds melt off. I'm away for the weekend but I hope to be sensible and make the right choices - I don't want to do anything to mess up this feeling I have inside, I'm feeling fantastic after this loss and I want to bottle this feeling up and sell it to people who have lost their mojo.

Friday 4th June

Talk about hectic day!! Spent the morning cleaning up the house and doing loads of washing and ironing. Hospital appointment in the afternoon with my son, shopping, picking up my daughters glasses before getting myself all organised and sorted out for going to my friends for the weekend.

Best plans and all that totally went out the window but on refection why the hec should I sit there while there is lovely food on offer, lots of nice company etc and not have a good time myself - its the first time I've been away since I started the plan and I was n't going to sit there miserably and not even taste the offerings. I did n't go mad, had a few samosa and some deliciosu triamasu and thoroughly enjoyed myself and why the hell should n't I??

It was so so nice to see my friend and her children again and also to have the honour of meeting lots of her revert friends too - they all made me feel so welcome and made an effort to talk to me, thoroughly good time was had indeed.

Once all the guests had left my friends we sat down and had a good chin wag and set the world to rights till some ungodly hour in the morning - always happens with us, we natter and natter and the time runs away with us and before we know it we've been up half the night. Going to get back on track on Sunday (inshallah)

Saturday 5th June

We had rather a slow start today - it was so so warm that I did n't even feel like moving and nor did Em even though we were meant to be going to her friends house for lunch. We had such a lazy day and I guess you could say I did got over the top a bit with food - we had a chinese for dinner - not so bad but then the banana fritter and ice cream plus I dont know how many bags of quavers or squares of dairy milk I had but I really did n't care and really enjoyed myself - that was until I managed to do myself some serious damage. Em was in the kitchen cleaning so I decided to join her and have a chin wag while she was washing up and I went to sit on a chair thats on wheels and it just slipped out from under me - first time no damage was done but of course I had to try again, not knowing that one of the legs was missing and this time I landed right down on my coxxyc (not sure of the spelling!) Oh my it was so painful and of course that mixed with my emarrasment of being sprawled all over emmas floor did n't help and I spent the rest of the day in total agony, desperately trying to get comfortable but it was n't happening - think all that added to me going OTT on the chocolate etc. Managed to crawl up the stairs on some how got on to the bed and managed to sleep a while after having my pain killers.

Sunday 6th June

Despite my pain I did manage to actually sleep very well last night - those memory foam mattresses deffinatly agree with me - got to get myself one of those for sure.

The plan of getting back on track today did n't last long. I was ok in the morning, made me and Em one of my sandwiches which was lovely and I just had my coffee and a banana too but after hubby arrived to pick me up things went a bit wrong - actually it was in the car on the way home that things went wrong - we kept getting stuck in traffic and we had no food in the car except bad stuff and I just ate it cause I was hungry, still again I'm not beating myself up about it, going to make sure tomorrow is a fresh start and I deserved my weekend off any way.

I was thinking over the vists that have happened between Em and I and realised that there is often some kind of crisis! Last time Em came to stay here, the bathroom door jammed so the down stairs loo was out of action, then the kids bathroom loo got blocked so we were down to only the ensuite loo and then to top it off the kids loo started leaking all over the floor!! Superfast action by the plumber was needed. This time going Ems, I tipped food out of the fridge all over her by mistake, damaged my back and left paw prints from my pjs all over Em's sofa! Then to top it off when we got home there was a leak from somewhere in the bathroom again and it was coming through the ceiling in the down stairs hall way - another plumber visit was required - I dread to think what might happen next time but suffice to say I'm going to increase my life insurance policy I think haha

Chill Out and Relax Week 11

Monday 24th May

I'm luving Mug Shots right now - they are a syn free tasty treat that fills up a whole till its time for the next meal... and no I'm not on commission for them lol just wanted to share that with you!

Good day on plan today - nothing that should n't have passed my lips today! (no smut ty very much!!) I'm getting into tuna on toast with heinz extra light salad cream - I really feel like I've had somehing proper to eat after having that - only problem is it uses both of my HE b choices but it is so worth it.

I've found the answer to all of my prayers!!!!! (ok I'm a bit on the meladramtic side but don't try to burst my bubble now, let me do that in a couple of days myself). I've ordered a......................................... yup, a............... Vibration Plate! Again no smut please!! It's going to vibrate my fat away and shake my muscles till they are so toned I would n't look out of place on a podium with an orange fake tan, more oil than you need to fry chips and a bikini!! Actually me and bikini dont go in the same sentance - far too much flesh to be revealed there and would look kind of odd with my hijab would n't it - anyways its supposed to do the equivalent of an hours work out in 10 minutes - too good to be true, probably but time will tell. It's coming on Wednesday and I can't wait. I hope my enthusiasm lasts - I'm going to do this in private though cause the though of all of my extra flesh vibrating at some ridiculous speed is too much to put people through - infact I'd probably vibrate enough to cause a tremor all through Yorkshire, not a pretty sight hmmmmmm. It's not cheap, however I'll give it a month and see how it goes, hubby is excited too, he can't wait to get on it - he's put on about 25 kilos since we have been married and I'm am totally to blame (apparently!) and its happiness and contentness as well as my cooking thats caused it haaaaaaaa I think now, I was n't forcing him to guzzle 4+ cans of full fat coke a day was I!! Slightly confused though cause we have no naughty treats in the house, only diet coke or pepsi max but he's still putting weight on. Me thinks he's having sneaky treats at work like fried chicken, chips and red coke cause he's not getting that kind of stuff at home!

On that note, its time to sleep, every one else is giving it zzzz so best take advantage and get some shut eye... goodnight peeps, sweet dreams xxxx

Tuesday 25th May

Hectic Hectic Hectic - Child to the doctors in the morning coz of earache then running kids all over the place before taking Haydar to nursery. I like being busy though cause when I'm busy I think less about food and I eat less too. Took some time out to chill in the afternoon, does n't happen often but I really enjoyed it.

Had a huge jacket potato for tea with beans and a sprinkling of cheese, not much different to smash and beans I guess but it was something different for a change.

Today was a really really stressful day, I mean I have stressful days but today really topped it. Problem kids, PROBLEM KIDS!! My lot in life was clearly not to have a quiet life, mind you I would be stupid to expect it would n't I with 6 kids - two sets of twins in a year etc. It would n't be my life if it was quiet and without drama I guess. Still I've the patience of a saint but things are really testing me at the moment.

How come an emmotional response to stress and boredom is to eat - I'm sure a high population of this country are the same and more so women than men. I did n't eat things today I should n't have however I was thinking about it today and wish I had a different kind of tactic to deal with boredom and stress. Would n't it be fab if my response were to do something like excercise excessively - I'd burn off all those extra calories and tone up too - oh I can dream can't I lol

Wednesday 26th May

OMG!! The Vibrating plate has arrived! Need I say it is very different to anything I've ever used before. It certainly wobbles parts of me that I did n't know were possible to be wobbled and that's just on the low setting - the fat burning level. Oh the higher settings I'm suprised the whole thing does n't take off and it vibrates that much that it kind of stings, really can't explain how it feels, its not someothing I've ever felt before but I hope it works. I used it for 40 mins in total today and as I'm typing this I feel it, in my legs and my back. It does feel like I've done a work out so I need to stick with this and give it a full chance to make a difference.

Hubby and Haydar left today - they've gone to Germany for 5 days! I can't go, not sure I would want to cause he's going too see family and sometimes I still feel out of place with them. I hate saying bye bye to my little boy oh and my hubby too so fingers crossed the days go past quickly. At least the other kids are off school to keep me busy - am I mad, I can't even begin to believe I just said that lol I am looking forward to a quiet morning and maybe a bit of a lay in - ha who am I kidding but we will see.

It's our wedding anniversary today - does n't feel like it, hubby doe sn't really count it cause it was just for legal reasons, our actual marriage was the 27th of feb. Leila bless her got me a card, she's a good one her, dont ever want her to leave me.

Right thats me for today, going to snuggle down in bed and watch some tv and some quiet time - missing my baby boy already, it's going to be a long 5 days xxx

Thurseday 27th May

Today was a total chill out day!! I did nt' leave my bed till around 6pm and only then to go to slimming world. Despite that, I was n't lazy all day, I did a total of 1 hour and 10 mins on the Vibro Plate and could actually feel it - going to give this a real good go and see if it does make any difference.

I weighed and despite my efforts to sabatage my week I did manage to lose a pound - quite patetic really is n't it considering how much weight I do have to lose but then if I keep having my treats then its going to come off more slowly - think I need to address the treats, can't be called treats if they are happening every day can they - I'm not bothered that I just lost a pound but in reality I need to get it together a bit more and stop the snacking and eating a better variety of foods.

Had a few treats after weighing!! To be honest I did n't enjoy it one little bit - I ended up feeling really rubbish, felt sick and just totally yuck! If I could bottle how I felt after eating that cheesecake and icecream then I'd be a twig in no time but I seem to forget every time I decide to have treats how rubbish I will be feeling after it. No more!! I'm going to have a 100% crap free week and give it my all and see how my weightloss goes. We were doing something in group about putting a post it note on everything that was a danger area for us and having a post it note with an eye on it which represents our group leader watching us - not sure I'd have enough post it notes to put on everything so I guess for me the simple solution would be to put the post it note over my gob lol simple solution!

As it stands I've lost 2 stone 4.5 pounds - yeah sounds alot but actually its pretty crap really all considering - yeah it's good and every pound helps but if I had really been giving it my all it would be a lot more than that so this is a fresh start for me from tomorrow, 100 % all week. I've stated I want to lose 6lbs this week and I'm going to do it, its not impossible, I've lost 8lbs in a week when I've really stuck to it. Go me!! I can and I will do it :)

Friday 28th May

It was all go this moring, Yaz had a dentist appointment and needs mummy to go and hold her hand cause she's phobic - she did really well actually, she's gone through the worst now and has to have only 2 more treatments and she will be all done.

Last night at group one of the ladies had the most fantastic pair of sandals on and I WANT THEM!! I asked her where she got them from cause her feet looked bigger than mine so I was sure they were n't from a regular shop and I was right, they were from Evans so off we went to the white rose - actually we did n't go there directly, I ended up in a totally different place and it was just as were getting there that I even realised I'd gone to the wrong shopping place haha so had to turn around and head back to the white rose - I'm a plank, a total plank and to top it all off THE BLOODY SHOP DID N'T HAVE THE SANDALS!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHH did n't have anything even close to looking like them so I wasn't best impressed with that.

Mind you can't complain - heading in to the white rose I put £1.20 into the drinks machine to get a bottle of pepsi max and it spat 6 bottles out and gave me my money back lol - That will teach them to be greed and charge so much won't it!

Yaz and I had lunch out - just jacket spuds, mine with beans, her's with tuna and sweetcorn but it was nice to spend some time with her. Went to next to get a couple of bits for Haydar (who I am missing so so much!!) and went to Sainsburys to get something for dinner and Yaz got some clothes, she knows how to get to me every time!

So am I on track so far for my 100% week?? Oh yeah oh yeah so far so good, today has been great and I hope that the other 6 days this week are just as good - I CAN DO IT!!

I'm going to go now and much my way through a packet of pineapple and a packet of melon and grapes - plenty of speed foods there so good night my lovelies xxx

Saturday 29th May

If I keep telling myself over and over again that I'm a plank I wonder if it would eventually sink in? I got up at 2am this morning, went down stairs to see if there was any mess and ended up rearranging the kitchen cupboards, cleaning it all out till 7.30am so I'm knackered!!!. I don't know why I do that, I just wake up then start thinking about down stairs and I know I won't get back to sleep unless I go and check. I'm my own worst enemy it seems!

Dragged myself out of bed about 11.30, really did n't want to but knew I had ironing and other things to do. Was a bit annoyed that in my night of madness and cleaning I hung the washing out and realised when I was going up to bed that it was chucking it down!! I was n't about to go and get it back in though, dealt with it when I finally got up.

Another good day on the plan - 2 days down and 5 days to go on my 100% week. I wish I was this focused all the time cause when I am, it feels so easy, but we all know, this dieting lark is so very far from easy. I'll write more later, I'm going off upstairs to do some jiggling!!

Sunday 30th May

Oh my I've just swalled a cherry pip thanks to my daughter making me choke while she was trying to get herself into some unmentionable position on the jiggle machine! I'm wondering if it's going to hurt on the way out!! Ouch, I guess time will tell lol

So far so good on my perfect week plan - I've still not had any thing naughty, kept well within my syns and I'm feeling really good about it - I've eaten more today than the previous 2 days but all good things and I have to say the syn free chilli I made was lovely (saying I made it, my friend who came today and is staying for a good few days and she mostly made it and I told her what to put in it. Will deffinately be making that again although we probably don't need to make anything for the next week as we made so much chilli lol.

I've been jiggling as much as possible and trust me, jiggle is really mild, I kind of vibrate and its not disimilar to any earthquake - mind you have to say that I've never really experienced an earth quake lol. It better make a difference lol, would be gutted if I was doing all of this for nothing.

I've got my friend staying with her two little boys for a few days and I'm so happy to see her, we have such a laugh and she's following the plan too so we both help and support each other. Hubby is home with my baby boy tomorrow night, missed them both alot!!

Ok I'm off to chill and watch some tv and really enjoy chomping on this melon (oh the joys lol)

Staying Power!! Week 10

Monday 17th May

Gosh I can't believe I've been following the plan for more than 2 months now - sometimes it seems to have flown by and sometimes it does n't but all that counts is that I'm more than 2 stone lighter than I was when I started and had I have not started it then I'd probably have put on the 2 stone not lost lol. Every pound counts, I just keep telling myself that.

Good day on the plan, infact a very good day, tried something new for dinner instead of the usual beans and mash - I had rice and a chick pea dahl and it was lovely - could n't eat that much of it but it was nice - still fancy having my beans and mash though lol is this what its like to be an addict haha - I do have to have beans every single day though, something warm and comforting about them.

I've worked out one of my hunger issues I think - I always wonder how come I can feel hungry after eating a good amount of dinner etc - I'll feel stuffed just after then 20 mins later I'm eating fruit or cereal bars etc - there is tummy hunger and head hunger - tummy hunger is exactly what it says; its where you are physically hungery, have n't eaten for ages and have an empy stomache; on the other hand head hunger is a mental issue where you head somehow convinces your tummy that its empty, has n't been filled in ages and needs feeding again - haaaaaaaa working that out was the easy part and really pretty obvious, now I need to work out how to stop the head controling the stomache and turn it around so the stomache controls the head! If I work it out, I'll bottle it and sell it on ebay, by this time next year I'll be a millionaire said in the words of Del Boy!! Gosh that used to be my dads favourite programme, god rest his sole - he still laughed every time he watched it no matter how many times he had watched it before, really miss the old fella, well not so old really, he died young but still missed all the same xxx

Tuesday 15th May

Crap crap crap and more crap!! Lol I'm such a drama queen I even find myself funny. I knew from the morning I was n't going to stay on plan today and you know what to be honest I really dont care! I'm going to have days like these, I'm human, I can't be perfect all the time and I've told myself that infact days like these will actually keep me on the plan as long as I get straight back on plan the following day!

It was n't anything drastic but I was in a picky mood from the morning. I tried to keep myself busy and keep my mind off it and I lasted till about 7pm when I caved in and had two muller corner yoghurts (bearing in mind I'd already used up all my sins during the day), 2 pieces of toast with nutella on them and last but not least infact last but most I had the most amazing piece of cheesecake ever, ok I'm lying actually it was n't, infact I was so disappointed with it that I nearly did n't eat it after the first mouthful, ha who am I kidding!! I've had much better cheese cakes though I have to say and this was what hubby came back with him after I asked him for it - it was ridiculously high in calories and I am not even going to begin to try to syn it cause I dont care - tomorrow is another day and I'll be back on track and feeling positive! Again this is how I'm thinking totally differently this time cause in the past I'd have turned one bad day into a bad week and the rest is history, no need to explain more. I think I was feeling stressed too cause Haydar was poorly and was in a really crabby mood and cried for most of the day - still I have to learn to not use food as an emotional crutch for when my mood is off or I'm getting stressed. What do normal people do - I say normal as in 'slim' or non fat people do when they are stressed, maybe they smoke or reach for the alchohol - personally I think I'd rather go for food than either of those hmmmm interesting thought!

I feel sorry for my hubby - he's always totally out to make me happy and has n't yet learnt to say no to me. He's really in a no win situation to be honest, if I ask him to bring me tasty treats I feel bad after I've eaten them and tell him he should n't bring them and if he tried to say no he won't bring anything I'd have a huge toddler like tantrum and make his life hell - oh the joys of being a man although I sympathise with him slightly, its all part and parcel of being a husband!!

No more eating early in the day for me, no more eating syns early in the day and no more eating HE early in the morning cause thats what I crave for later in the day and if I've used them up thats when I find myself in trouble.

Wednesday 19th May

OH MY GOSH what a day!!!! I did n't stop all day long - Haydar had us up most of the night last night coughing and just being generally unwell so it was a trip to the GP first thing, did manage to get some housework done before we went but my normal routine was all over the place - funny how odd that makes me feel, usually I like the house done top to bottom before I even sit down so having to go out without half of it being done is strangely disturbing for me! From the GP it was home, pick up Yaz then take her to the hospital as she had an appointment there. Decided Haydar was n't well enough to take to nursery although I regretted that as the the afternoon wore on as someone had swapped my gorgeous angelic son for a little devil - he was all over the place, even throwing himself on the floor having tantrums, lost a few hairs today that was for sure. We went to Costa for a treat, I have to say I was controlled - did have a treat but felt good for it and really it was my sins for the day - skinny latte and a banana breakfast bun - I'm not going to beat myself up about these things any more, I'm human and I have a life and I want to live it and if it means having the odd treat now and then or even more than that so bloody what!!! Oh the shame - it always happens to me, think I've got I'm stressed out see if you can stress me out even more written across my forehead! My card was declined in Costa!! Tried it again, and declined again - how bloody embarrassing is that, people automatically look at you like your not good for it or your trying to play one over - ran out to the cashpoint outside, got charged £1.65 for the priveledge of taking cash out to cover the bill!! Call to HSBC not a happy customer only to be told it had been stopped by the fraud detection department as they felt there was some unusual activity on my account! I mean what the hell, I use it alot, does n't mean its fraudulent! It just got better and better after that when they told me they had now put a stop on the card and they would have to send me out a new one cause someone had tried to do a transaction on the net for £1 and it was n't me arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I realised today just how much I depend on my card - had to call MoMo to transfer some money to Yaz's account just so I could do some shopping!! And who's going to give me back my £1.65 that I was charged for the priviledge of withdrawing my own bloody cash???

After that we had a trying on session in Asda, Yaz wanted a maxi dress but we could n't find one but found stuff for her to try on and did eventually find a couple of dresses she liked - mum got screwed over again!! Went to get Haydar some sandals from Next and of course came out with a couple of pairs of shorts and 4 t-shirts!

Loads more things I had to do today, not going to bore you and list them all but suffice to say I did n't get home till about 8pm and was starving!! I mean so hungry my stomache was talking to me and what did I get when I did finally sit down to eat, guess ha!! I bet you got it right, yup yup, beans and mash haha my trusty old friend :P

Right now I'm tucking into a huge bowl of strawberries and they are so yummy and the additional bonus is that they are super speed food, burn those calories mama!!

oh yea and not wanting to big myself up or anything but I went through Mcdonalds drive through to get Haydar a happy meal and Yaz some chips and what did I go for - oh yeah not the mcflurry that was shouting my name or the chips that were making me dribble but a fruit bag! oh yeah you read it right, a fruit bag!! Now thats dedication for you :)

Thursday 20th May

Busy Busy day!! Infact it seems to me lately that all my days are busy, all over the place, appointments, visits, shopping, nursery etc - endless list, I'm on ever ready batteries these days!

Weather is heating up, makes me feel all summery and want to eat salads... why is that, how come when the sun comes out even for a few hours we all get a health kick? Oh and one more thing, related to sun and heat etc - how come the sun only has to peep out for a little bit and every one starts taking off their clothes??? What's that all about - I would n't mind so much really but most of the people taking their clothes off should actually be covering up the excess flesh that they have on show!! It's so not a good look!!

Weigh in day and group day!! If I'm realistic I'll be happy to have maintained this week as I have had a few treats - not calling them bad days cause they were n't - they were controlled treats on a healthy living programme! Yaz decided she was going to take the plunge and join too so I agreed to pay half of the cost for her, she needs to show some kind of commitment aswell so thats my way of making her appreciate that the class does cost money and it is a long term commitment! GO ME GO ME 1 and a half pounds off which was pretty good all things considered and every single pound counts and its going down in the right direction. I'm hoping to have a really good week next week, no treats and cutting down on the snack bars and bananas cause I could really do with a nice boost and have a good few pounds off - seems to be dragging on and on, I've always lost weight so much faster in the past but maybe thats where I've been going wrong - looking at the long term and not restricting myself so I get no treats at all seems to be the right way to go - time will tell but fingers crossed this time will be really different!

Snacking really is my problem and someone said something to me the other day when I'd mentioned I was in a snack type mood - she said ok thats not a problem just snack on real food and thats stuck with me - basically from now, if I'm feeling hungry then I'm going to eat something proper, a small bowl of pasta, a slice of toast, some salad etc rather than reaching for the alpen light bars or bananas etc - lets see if that makes a difference. I do eat alot of bananas, could sometimes be 4 or 5 a day and I heard that someone once was n't losing weight as she should be and she cut the bananas out and the weight started dropping off so I'm going to apply that and see how it makes a difference for me next week.

Right now I'm off to have my beans and mash, and yes I know I have it nearly every day but I love it!! So hush and let me wallow in my heinz and smash!!

Friday 21st May

Oh my oh my what a day, another busy busy day - seems to be the story of my life at the moment, don't seem to have a day where I can just sit down and do nothing - mind you saying that idle hands and all that - probably for the best cause when I'm sitting around doing nothing I get the munchies!

Had Haydar back at the doctors cause he is coughing so badly at night he was struggling to catch his breath last night and was wretching - he's been given an inhalor to try to calm down his irritated tubes - oh thats going to be real good fun trying to get him to take that... NOT

The youngest twins decided they were both ill today and could n't go to school for the last day of the year and I was in no mood to argue with them having been up alot of the night with Haydar so I had them following me around all day. I had a doctors appointment too and so did Ali so we camped out in the doctors room for at least 35 minutes while we had the 3 appointments - think she was glad to see the back of us. Haydar was the munchkin from hell there too, he was running all over the place, causing havoc - bless him, some how he makes bad behaviour seem cute???

It was a lovely hot day today and I managed to stick to my strict regime so I'm feeling really pleased about that - just want one week of being really strict to try to have my big weight loss to give me a much needed boost. I'm hoping on 5 pounds this week - one day down and 6 more to go - weekends are always challenging for me but if the weather is as nice tomorrow as it was today I'm going to suggest we head out up to Bolton Abbey with a pinic and the pinic blanket and just enjoy the weather and let the boys get some fresh air - we love it up there, hubby loves being out in the countryside and I think he needs to chill out as he's had quite a stressful week too. We need to start getting out and doing things and while I'm still not able to walk for really really long distances I can manage a bit and every tiny bit of excercise I do helps.

I was thinking about excersice today and was wondering about something - Cause I weigh so much does n't that mean that for example if I did a 1 mile walk that in reality its more like a 3 mile walk cause I'm carrying so much extra weight around lol - I'm using more energy and strength to carry it than skinny joe bloggs, are you following me or am just being a clutz lol - makes me feel better to think that though so its all good - mind you don't think I could actually get away with documenting my excercise as 3 times more than I've done just cause of my weight but it helps me in my head haha

so good night sweeties, going to go munch on some lovely pineapple - and no I've not had beans and mash today :P Beans yes but no mash lol

Saturday 23rd May

Oh my Oh my!! What a beautiful day! We all slept quite late today - as in all I mean Haydar, hubby and I, Haydar did n't wake up till 12pm lazy tot he is!

Decided to take a picnic to the park and just chill out in the glorious sunshine. Made loads of healthy things, boiled eggs, baby new potatos, salad, melon, bananas,etc and packed it up and headed off to Roundhay - we stopped at Tesco on the way to pick up some break and hubby came back to the car with 4 french sticks and I could n't resist so had a few bits of that and it was deliscious and my other treat for the day was one and half fingers of a kitkat - was so worth it and so was n't worried about it at all. I'm luving my new attitude and way of thinking - think this is the first time in my life that I've actually had a near healthy attitude to food and actually allowing myself the odd treat now and then instead of binging and feeling guilty - it feels so good to be in control, I dont know if its going to last but I hope so cause I dont feel like going back to the dark place I was in before - 3 months is the most I've ever lasted on a healthy eating plan and we are not far off that now and I'm so aware that I can't slip back into old habits - this is the new improved me and I like it and I want to stay like this - this is a major achievement for me, I've never been in this place before. My previoius success with slimming world resulted in a huge weight loss over 3 months - about 6 stone but I put myself through hell to get that, not a single sin or treat passed my lips and I was in the gym 5 days a week and it was so unrealistic to think I could carry that on for any long period of time - 3 months passed, a holiday to turykey and bang, the regime was gone, could n't get back into it and the weight I'd lost went back on plus more, huge losses followed by huge gains - I'm never going back there again, I've got to change this for life to become a healthier person, not just physically but mentallly aswell. I've got 6 kids and a huge lot of grandkids to stay around for and I seriously intend to be here for that - mainly cause I want to see my kids go through the stresses of having kids and realise what they put me through haha - just kidding, but seriously I need to concentrate on completing my own family before any grandchildren come my way!

Inshallah we will have one more child - my recent miscarriage really upset things in my world. Thats the kind of thing that does n't happen to me, it happens to other people and I'm still trying to get my head around it - I was working out last night that I'd be 23 weeks pregnant by now and it seems like two minutes ago that I found out I was pregnant. It's weird cause that time has flown but had I have still been pregnant I know it would have been dragging on - Now we've made the desicion to put any baby plans on hold till around January when I've lost alot more weight. Hopefully then I'll be a whole much healthier and feel happier about myself that if I were lucky enough to fall pregnant then it would nt be such a strain on me. Cant leave it much longer than that, the years are passing by so fast that I'll be hitting 40 in just over 3 years - man!! I don't feel any where near as old as that lol

Good night my gorgeous ladies, xxx

Sunday 23rd May

What a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG day today was - how come a natural reaction to boredom is to eat and pick and pick cause that was what I was wanting to do all day - kind of went off the rails a bit but I'm not worried - wonder if cheerios are any less synned if you don't have the milk with them :P Lucky hubby questioned me after a while if I was allowed those on the SW plan and my negative response meant they were soon gone out of my reach lol. I'm finding it really weird that these days when I have a 'bad day' I'm not looking for the chocolate option - previous to this would mean a bad day would have me heading for the shop and to stock up on chocolate treats and cream cakes etc - how did it ever get to cheerios?? Probably the fact that I dont actually keep anything 'naughty' in the house any more and I'm too bone idle to get in the car and go get something. Usually the cupboards would be over flowing with crisps, biscuits, anything you would n't find in the healthy section would have been readily flowing in my direction! Icecream - thats my favourite and I'm so proud about how good I've been. I've not reached for icecream at all which is a huge achievment for me!

I had an afternoon snooze today, first time in a while and for some reason I decided to go into the lounge and nap on the leather couch - suffice to say when I woke up I had to peel myself off it!! Warm weather, leather and bare skin don't make for a happy 3some! Still all the same it was much needed and could deffinately get used to it!

Tomorrow is another day, will be nice and strict, fingers crossed.

xx!XX!xx

Heading in the right direction Week 9

Monday 10th May




I think I'm finally begining to notice the weight I have lost - I had the whole house cleaned today before Haydar woke up, did it top to bottom and even changed my bedding after he woke up - none stop from about 7am till about 11.30. I'm feeling so much more motivated than I was last week and am sure if I continue like this there will be a positive loss on the scales.

A friend came to visit today with her little girl who is a year older than Haydar - he's not that good with other kids playing with his toys cause he's not used to having to share them but he did n't throw too many tantrums but deffinately kicked out the odd scowl in Layla's direction when she picked up one of his toys!
I'm mentioning this visit from a friend as I was really quite embarrassed today as when she came all i could offer her was tea coffee or juice and no biscuits or cake! usually when people come to see me I put on lots of yummy treats for my friends and their kids and I found myself appologising profusely for not having anything nice for her to eat - oh how different is that to how it would have been 3 months ago - I'd have gone to tesco and stocked up on far more treats than were needed and kids my self into belivieng that it was haram to throw them away so I'd eat up the rest myself. I'm pretty much known for having good things to eat - maybe the news will spread now and I'll not get many visitors if all they get is tea or coffee lol - saves me a bomb though.

This made me start thinking about money - I have been trying to work out wether this healthy eating plan is saving me money or making me spend more. Realistically I was spending probably at least £10 a day on crap, cakes, crisps, sweets, icecream etc but am I spending that on healthy treats etc - probably no where near now - I was a few weeks back cause I was hitting the shops every day buying stuff but now I limit it to every 3 or 4 days so I am probably saving which is another good reason for me to stay on the plan - not as much as improving my health but something else positive too!

As I was so busy today I have n't eaten as much as I have done for the last couple of days but that will be ok, I'll just make sure I have more tomorrow.

I'm going now, hubby is in London for the night so I'm going to make the most of my quiet evening and lounge in bed and chill out.

Good night all!!



Tuesday 11 May



I had a fab day today, food wise and movement wise - I've really uped my mobility, I know its just in the house but I was on the go all day from morning till night and its all got to help, every step walked is a step in the right direction. I cleaned the house from top to bottom, did loads of washing, drying and ironing. The busier I keep myself the less I think about food so my new mantra is going to have to go back to the saying 'the more you move the more you lose!' That was all done for 10.30 as I had to take the little one to the dentist - rather him than me but he was so very brave, and let the dentist do what he had to do. Had a sly trip to boots too see how the weight was going this week and its showing a loss, not saying how much cause I dont want to jinx myself but its all good and fingers crossed I'll still be showing a good loss on thursday evening.


Did a little bit of shopping, got some good things in for me, nice healthy treats like strawberrys and pineapple. MmmM also got some snack a jacks, the caramel ones, they are quite dangerous though so only brought 3 packs.


I took my lovely son to Asda before dropping him at nursery, I had some time to kill so treated myself to a jacket potato and beans. Fed up of beans but there wasn't really anything else on the menu that would have been a good choice on my plan.


Wednesday 12th May


oooh exciting day for me, I dont get out much lol - cleaned up the house in the morning then dropped the little one off at nursery and headed off to manchester to visit a good friend of mine and we went out to dinner, kid free which is really rare as I've got 6 kids and she has 2 and I think this was the first time we had really been out kid free. We were both sensible with food choices and made sure we went somewhere that offered food that was as healthy as possible - we ended up having a stuffed chicken, rice, salad, falafel and homus - probably not all good really but it was a one off and there was no way either of us were going to sit there chomping on a lettuce leaf! We did have a dessert but the less said about that the better. Again I feel no guilt about it, it's a one off and very well deserved oh and so very very nice!

It's always so nice to see this particular friend, she's one of my closest friends and we have so much in common - she's doing fantastically on the plan too and cause I dont see her that often I always see such a difference in her when I do see her and she looks like she has lost soo much, so proud of her - she said that I look like I've lost loads too but I think she's just being kind, I can't physically see a difference.

I did n't leave till late, around 10 so did nt get home till very late either - grabbed a couple of cereal bars and that was all I had before going to sleep.

Thursday 13 May

I was so tired today - lack of sleep last night, Haydar's decided that being awake from 11.30 till 3.30am is cool - message to youngest son, it so far from cool its not even funny so be a good boy and sleep all night tonight!

It was weigh in today - Yassy decided to come with me, looking for the inspiration that she needs to lose her weight - did n't let her join though, she needs to think about it more seriously and work out how she would fit it into her busy social life (comes to something when your teenage daughter has a better social life than you!) and how she will cope with having to make sensible choices - will let her stew till next week then see if she's come up with ideas of how she can make the plan work for her!

2lbs down for me! Yes I know not really the huge l0ss I was hoping for but 2 off is so much better than 2 on! I finally got slimmer of the week, pretty much a cop out really for 2lbs and I only got it cause hardly any one stayed lol - really going to work hard this next week cause I really need to have a good weight loss to give me a boost. It's coming off so much slowly this time than any other time that I've dieted so maybe that means I'll be able to stick to it for the long term - I keep telling myself that even a pound off is better than nothing and that I would be perfectly happy with that - who am I trying to kid, 1 bloody pound, no thank you madam, I'd probably be happy with 4 lol - maybe thats a bit unrealistic but I've got so many spare pounds to give I'm feeling generous :P

I've sort of developed a friendship with 2 ladies that go to slimming world. you could say we are slimming world buddies on a thursday night - I tend to sit with them, they always ask if I want to sit with them and how I've got on etc. It's probably the most unlikely friendship possible though. One of them god bless her and right now I can't remember her name, is deffinately on the brink of a midlife crisis. She has a 'unique' style of attire lets say - first time I went she was wearing wet look leggings and it really was n't a good look oh and a ton of costume jewellery and a vest top - probably not the best choice in clothing for a 'plumper' lady but hey, guess she would n't chose to wear a hijab so who am I to comment. The next week that I went she nearly had me choking on my coffee (I appologise for the use of she but I can't remember her name lol). I was taking a big gulp of my coffee as she decided to bend over to put her boots on - I could cope with the denim mini skirt while she was standing up but in a bending position, putting her pink thong on full view to me was so not good - even the woman next to me ended up in a coughing fit so I gather she got an eye full too (__Y__) it was something like that! Having said that, the following week they befriended me and they are both the most hilarious woman I've met in a while, they have me in stitches, they make the whole staying to group thing totally worth while. I imagine them to have a kind of laurel and hardy friendship, one finishes off what the other one started saying and they always look for approval from each other with is n't it, was n't it, have n't you bla bla bla..... sooo I was a bit sad that they did n't stay this week as they both had things to do but they appologised and I told them it was ok, I had a week to get over the sense of desertion I was feeling by them leaving me all alone :P

Next week I'm going to have a really strict week! Just one, just to see if I can have a boost with the weightloss, really need it for my mojo to stay with me!

Friday 14th May

Boy oh Boy did I move today! Haydar woke up early which he has n't done for a while which also meant I did n't get much house work done before he woke up so as I was progressing from room to room he was trashing behind me and he was in to everything today - I left him downstairs while I went up to get something and came back down and he'd somehow got hold a bottle of frebreeze and decided to clean my laptop, the ntl box and dvd player and a large selection of his dvds! Nice idea Haydar, but so not cool!!! I did n't stop until it was time to take him to nursery then took him and nipped to Tesco and came home and started to cook - I literally did n't eat one thing till about 3pm - yes not the way to do it but today I was so busy that I actually forgot to eat!

Asda have special offers on some quorn products, all a pound each so stocked up on those, will freeze them if neccessary but got 5 packets so that will last me ages.

How come when you start the day doing housework etc instead of sitting down and having a cup of coffee first do you feel more energised - if I do that then I find it so hard to get motivated and feel tired and sluggish for the rest of the day. I was in alot of pain later on in the eveninga s I'd moved so much in the day and its always weird how I don't feel the pain as I'm doing it, its after I stop that everything starts to hurt!! Could do with a really hot bath but I'm not having a bath till I've lost a bit more weight - I could be a one woman dam when I get in the bath - blubber touches all the sides and no water passes through haha t00 much info, oh well, love to share my trials being an overweight person - I mean who actually decides the size on a standard bath anyway, who ever it is they clearly do not sympathise with the obese people in this country cause the baths are way too narrow for my liking sheeesh.

Saturday 15th of May

Today was one of those sluggish days! I got up and cleaned the bathrooms and Haydar's room but that was pretty much it, I really needed a relaxing day - thanks to number 2 son it did n't happen and had I have gone on a lardy food binge today he would have been responsible for that but I'm pleased to say no matter how high my stress levels today it did n't make me reach for the biscuit tin - saying that had I have done that its empty anway lol

I managed to do myself an injury today, what a plank I am - I managed to tip a full cup of scorching coffee on myself and boy oh boy did it hurt - shocked me big time too but I'm happy that the injury was n't worse and it was me and not one of the kids.

Food wise I was good today too - ate more than I did yesterday but still nothing major and nothing that was n't fitted in the plan. Hope I can continue this for the rest of the week - weekends always seem to be harder for me cause the kids are around eating and I dont get to keep the house spotless cause the kitchen is constantly like a cafe, I clean and with in half an hour its messed up again! Roll on monday so I can get back into my week day routine. I deffinately eat more at weekends than I do during the week - its weird how when there is someone around to do things for you, you become quite lazy and ask them to do things yet when they are not there we just get up and get on with it?

On that note I'm going to go much on strawberries, they are a super speed free food so they can only aid my weight loss!

Good night my honeys xxx

Sunday 16th May

I went to visit a friend today - have n't seen her in ages and it was so nice to catch up - bless her, felt a bit guilty cause she made some food and I did n't eat any of it - we did end up munching on the fruit salad that I had taken with me and I had some bread sticks with cheese and a few rice cakes but was really quite controlled and still enjoyed myself.

There really is n't much to say about today, I was good pretty much and stuck to my plan but still had some syns and thats what its all about at the end of the day, being able to have a good time with food but still stay in control and not regret anything that you have eaten during the day.

Hormones, Cravings,Disasters and lost Mojos! Week 8

Monday 3rd May

I think it can really be said that I've lost my mojo at the moment - I'm feeling actually quite low and need to get a grip cause in the past when I've tried to diet I may have had a bad day which then leads to a bad week and then I dont go back to class and all the good work that I've done is wiped out in a matter of days.

Was feeling pretty lazy today, not like me at all. Did n't really do very much except eat and then if I was n't eating I was thinking about food. I'm bored, eating the same things time and time again so part of the major plan has to be to try to liven things up a bit - I've got loads of recipes and books that I can use to make a huge variety of lovely appealing dishes and give myself the variety that I need.

Had a bad evening really, had some things I was n't meant to have but for once I'm just accepting this as a minor blip and have convinced myself that if I do put on this week at least I will know why. I deserve to put on in all honesty with some of the crap that I have eaten - its not like I've been stuffing my face but I've had things which are certainly not condusive to my healthy living plan. Fresh start tomorrow, I'm not going to turn this into a bad week just cause of couple of bad days.

The difference of how I feel when I'm eating rubbish and when I'm having a good diet is huge - for the last few weeks where I've had a good varied but very healthy diet I have so much energy and I'm on the go all the time yet when I'm eating rubbish I feel lethargic, not motivated and totally not be arsed to do anything - I noticed it mostly when I had a bad day recently and ate more chocolate than I have done in a long time. After wards I felt terrible, miserable and not in the mood to do anything except lounge around - no more will I have these days, I'm going to change it and get onto an even keel!

Tuesday 4th May

I have kept feeling all day long that it was monday and not tuesday. I was trying to work out how many days I had before weigh in so that I could see if I could turn thinks around before weigh in on thursday and in all honesty if I'm good then there is no reason why I can't.

I'm actually quite proud of myself cause all day I've been battling the need for naughty things and I di dn't give in and let myself down - yes I've done lots of picking but only on things I'm allowed so that's a really good achievement for me as usually I'd have given in but I battled on so yeah me!

I really do need to add some variety into my diet - only so long that one can live on beans and mash and baked beans on toast. I'm going to study my books and tomorrow inshallah go and buy the ingredients to make me some gastrimonical meal - all good free food but nothing like I've been eating before.

I've still been down about the plan though and was quite touchy today and hubby bore the brunt of it poor thing - he offered me some chocolate which I did n't react too kindly too cause in my eyes that is not being supportive -he knows I can't eat it on my plan but he did have a point when he said that he can't really win either way cause if I demand chocolate and he does not bring it then I'm a prize bitch but if he does bring it and I eat it then he's not being supportive!! Poor man, no wonder he's slightly confused lol

I'm off for an early night now, really need some sleep and don't want to stay awake anyway cause all I'll do is want to eat! Night night ladies xxx

Wednesday 5th May

Today was a good day, actually it was a bloody fantastic day! I'm finding my mojo again and it feels great. Actually I decided quite a few things today and hope that they bring positivity back into my healthy eating plan!

First of all I went to boots and weighed - oh I know I should nt but I wanted to have some idea what the scales were going to tell me when I hit slimming world tomorrow so I could be prepared - all things considered being a pound down was really good - it could so easily have been alot worse and a gain cause of the couple of bad days that I have had. Saying that I was totally prepared for a gain today cause this time I would know exactly why it happened and not be totally gobsmacked like I was last week.

I went to Costa for coffee with my eldest daughter and really enjoyed spending time with her - think we managed to sort out some of the differences we have, mainly her bedroom and we came up with a plan to sort it out - more storage and a room change around is now in order, it was planned for the weekend but missy had other plans. Sometimes I see myself in her, she's pretty much as stubborn as I was at that age, and argueably as stubborn as I still am! I was n't as melotramatic as she is and a disorganised but there is still hope for her, she's got alot of maturing to do before she heads off into the big wide world for Uni next year. Infact it scares the hell out of me thinking of her out in the big bad world all by herself........ anyways I was tempted to get something naughty in Costa but stuck to my skinny latte and two bites of Yaz's Tippin and it was really really nice, could have eat a slice to myself but patted myself on the back for resisting!

I caught up with a close friend today who is following the plan too - Emma my partner in crime so to speak! She has kind of lost her mojo too, hardly suprising as she had a death in the family week before last and she had to arrange the funeral and the food etc, think her excuse is so much more valid than mine - I love catching up with her, we are both so busy with family etc that we dont often have the time to have a good old natter so today was really lovely to talk about what was going on with us both - strangely we both said the same thing about how we were feeling after eating rubbish - on Sunday I had chocolate and afterwards I felt really down, sluggish and just not well at all and Em has been experiencing the same thing when she's come off plan and not eaten the right food - both of us dont want to continue feeling like that so another incentive for us to get back on plan - hope our little chat helped her as much as it helped me.

Here's to another successful day tomorrow, I'm getting right back into it and hope my 'blip' is off somewhere distant in the horizon for a good long while!

Thursday 6th May

Voting day is finally here! I've never voted before, never really been interested but decided today that I was going to vote - there has been many debates if Islamically its allowed to vote or if its haram - I decided its between me and Allah and if there is a problem with it then I'll deal with that as and when!

After I took Haydar to nursery I nipped to tescos to make sure I had plenty of fruit in etc, dont want to put myself in a situation where there is nothing good for me to eat and then headed off to do a few errands and vote - was good with food all day, did n't deprive myself but had nothing naughty.

The scales liked me today!! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I dropped two pounds which all things considered was good - I was prepared for a gain but this time I would have known where the gain came from so it was going to be ok. This has motivated me loads and loads and I'm going to have another good week. I stayed to class and it really helped me cause I talked about some issues that I have - we disccussed my feelings about free food actually being eaten to the point where its too much but I was told that is not the case so to eat as much free food as I like - deffinately going to put that to the test next week - I'm going to eat when I'm hungry and as long as I'm eating only good healthy stuff then I should still have a loss. We shall see!

Friday 7th May

We have a hung parliment! What a bloody mess we've got into now (we as a nation, the UK), no one has the majority vote so basically the government is useless and can be over ridden by the other two main parties in desicions etc - not suprised really, the governmental system there has been a joke for far too long!

Every time I eat too bloody early in the morning I end up having a day where I can't stop eating - why is that?? I had a really busy day today and wanted to eat all day long. I had too many syns today, not going to list what I ate but I feel ok about it cause the syns that I ate were n't in chocolate or cakes etc so it was kind of a controlled thing. Need to find some fresh ideas of things to eat and get out of this rut that I am in where I'm basically eating the same things all day and every day. I think that my problem today was that I ate too many of my 'treats' too early in the day - for example I'd had all my 15 syns and my healty extra b choices by 12 and I usually leave them for me to enjoy much later in the day when I get my munch attacks so that will not be happening again. When evening came and I had no good options to eat except free food I struggled a bit so never again.

I noticed today for the first time really that I've lost weight - I put on an abayah that I had made about 4 months ago I guess and it fitted me perfectly then but it was deffinately on the loose side today which is great but I was tripping over it cause its too long - how strange is that, you lose weight and not only do things get loose but they get long too - guess its cause they are not stretched across so much surface area lol

I went to visit the sister of a friend today who's little boy is in hospital here in Leeds and has been really quite poorly - they live in halifax and the hospital there does n't deal with pediactric surgery so they were transferred here - bless him he looked so depressed and poorly - he's not much older than my Haydar and it broke my heart seeing him lying there with tubes all over him - he has pneumonia, missed by the GP and has been poorly for quite a while now - we should all make thanks each and every day for the health of our loved ones, it can turn around so quickly and especially little ones, they can become poorly so so quickly!

My boys went to their dad's house today for the weekend! I have to say it was really needed, I've been having alot of stress with them lately for one reason and another and I need to wind down and chill out so perfect timing cause all the stress does n't help my eating cause I've realised I'm such an emmotional eater - when things go wrong I become like a mad woman and start scratching around looking for naughty things to eat and when I eat them its not cause I'm hungry or really need them but they seem to help me through - I want to change there, want to have a normal reaction to stress and not sink in the junk food crap that I usually do. I wonder what makes different people react to certain situations differently. I mean how come I turn to food, others turn to drink, some to drugs. I think the basis of the situation is the same, when it comes down to it, every one that turns to something like that has an addictive personality just their addiction is to different things. There must be some proper therapy out there to deal with these kinds of personalities, wonder how you find out about these kinds of things.

I'm postive tomorrow will be a much more positive day!

Saturday 8th May

Today passed pretty uneventfully, I had a good day with food, ate loads of free food and no more sins or healthy extras than I should have but I ate when I was hungry and enjoyed it and I'm going to contine doing that all week and then see how things are on the scales on thursday. I'm hoping they show a good loss cause I do need a good boost to give me the incentive to carry on with the plan.

We spent alot of the day clearing out the office/spare room, got so much junk its unbelievable and I dont know where it all comes from but its looking good in there now and at least we can see the floor and can find the computer at the end of the room. Sorted out loads of other things to give away on freecycle as well, suprising what junk that belongs to other people, people find a use for!

Hubby said today I'm eating too much! What a turn around - for ages he was telling me I'm not eating enough - well fair enough he had a point when all I was eating all day was chocolate, crisps, cake bla bla and full fat coke. Yes I am eating more but I'm eating the right stuff and its all free but he's having trouble understanding the free food plan. Listen hubby, I know what I'm doing and I'm doing it the right way so just hush up and watch the pounds melt away :P

Sunday 9th May

Ironing Ironing and more bloody ironing, thats the bane of my life and I hate it - mind you if I dont do it, no one will so I have to get on with it.

I've decided I need to seriously cut down on the beans or I'm going to end up in the divorce courts. The kids and hubby have actually stopped asking me if I've trumped cause its a never ending haze of trumpy smells. Not my fault, mind you the beans deffinately smell worse on the way out than they did on the way in - wonder why that is? I did last all day without any beans but then had some beans and mash in the evening.

Spent loads of today putting listings on Ebay and then sorting out stuff that I need to get posted that people have bought off me. I hate doing it but its a good way of making some money back to buy things that the kids need. I'm going to save up for a while I think till the next Next sale then go have a big blow out!

Hubby caught me pinching 2 chips and a fishcake from the kids dinner tonight and shouted at me (not in a horrible way) but he made it very clear they are forbidden foods and I was n't allowed them - since when did he become the expert??? Mind you I guess I should be happpy that he is finally taking notice and realising I'm serioius about this weight loss plan - as long as it takes I'm going to be sticking to it inshallah.

New week tomorrow - can't believe we are going into week 9 - wonder how much weight I would have put on in that time if I was n't following the plan?? Worked out I've lost 2 stone 4 pounds, not as much as I've lost in the past but I've not suffered for it or gone hungry which is totally different to times in the past where I've had to starve to get big amounts of weight off! Yeah me, heading in the right direction at least x!x