Munchies!! Week 7

Monday 26th April

Start of a brand new week! Wow Week 7 already. I can't believe how fast the time is going by. 7 weeks of a new healthy living plan. For the most part I have n't felt deprived or like I'm missing out. I'm so please I'm down more than 2 stone, if I had n't have started this plan I would probably have been 2 stone heavier the way I was carrying on. Talk about a turn around, more than 300 degrees lol..... I'm waiting for the day where all this comes naturally though - where I dont have to think about staying away from bad things, when I can be totally in control. I often think about skinny people and how they think and feel about food. Do they have this constant battle like I do - always trying to make the right choices but slipping up from time to time or is it just natural for them, they dont even have to think about how they eat - they just make the right choices without even thinking. Do skinny people binge now and then and jsut eat healthily for the rest of the time. hhmmmmm me wonders! One thing I've noticed though is as my energy levels increace, my OCD tendancies get worse. For about 3 weeks now I've been getting up in the night at least twice, sometimes three times to go and clean up downstairs, do washing, hang it out and I'm starting to feel it cause I'm getting so tired during the day. I'm on the go constantly all day long too. I can honestly say that the work I do during the day would put any twig to shame - I often wonder how i actually manage to do it, alot of people my size are bedridden or have seriously limited mobility. Maybe I've just been pushing my luck all these years!! Who knows the science behind it, I guess I might just be lucky if you can call it that.

I was in a munching mood all day but luckily I managed to stick to healthy munchies and did n't move onto anything I should n't have - another day over, another day nearer to my goal!!


Tuesday 27 April


Munch Munch Munch!! That's what I wanted to do all day long - it was weird to be honest, I could feel a binge coming from early morning cause I could n't stop thinking about food or picking and nothing in actually quite hit the spot! I kept chosing the healthy options all day and was quite pleased with myself but by aboue 8pm I totally blew it!! Nutella on toast!! I'd seriously forgotten how nice that tasted.

Husbands can sometimes be a total waste of space, there are some things they are just not programmed to do, one of which is shopping and the other is to know when too much is too much. I sent him off to Asda with a shopping list, and when I say shopping list I mean it was more of a novel than a shopping list! I gave instructions for everything and described things in detail - for example beans, on special offer two packs for £4 pounds, pepsi max, on special offer, 8 cans for £2 .............. so can some one plz tell me why the hell he came back with 8 individual cans of beans, 30 cans of coke, not pepsi max, individual yoghurts instead of the multipacks on special offer, I can go on and on, suffice to say I've learnt my lesson, I'll no longer send him to Asda for more than milk and bloody bread! The idea of me staying away from supermarkets is to save us money! Did n't work like that last night did it... I'm fuming lol

Rant is not over, it gets worse! I called hubby while he was in Asda and being as I was in a binging mood I asked him to treat me with one bar of chocolate for me and some for the kids........... He bought a carrier back full of chocolate bars, individual bars that would have cost a fortune. I did n't actually realise how much he had bought until the middle of the night. I'd had my one bar of galaxy as my treat (on top of the other things I ate) and in the middle of the night I got up for the loo and kicked the carrier bag which was positioned on the floor by the bed and checked to see what it was........... oh lord, worse than a child in a candy store. Could n't even count how many chocolate bars were in there but there is one less wispa than there was before!! Why oh Why would he do that?? I know he probably thought he would be making me happy by getting all the chocolate, quite the contrary! I will never ever send him shopping again!

I need to be extra good now for the rest of the week and not continue with the bad habits that I had tonight, I'll be fine, tomorrow is another day, new start!


Wednesday 28th April


I had a good day today, was fine on my plan and did n't eat anything that I should n't have eaten. Infact today I was feeling really positive and looking forward to a good weigh in tomorrow and a good few pounds off. That was until I ended up at boots looking for a toothbrush for Haydar that he did n't really need and of course yet again the scales were calling out my name - I dont know why I do it, I punish myself like this every time and what did they say - I'd put on 3 pounds! Talk about mood drop in an instant! I've convinced myself that they are lying as they usually do but something is telling me that they aren't and this is what the scales will say at tomorrows weigh in. I feel fatter today - is this just a physcological thing - cause I've weighed and the scales were up that I've suddenly gained half a stone - dont really care what it is but I know I hate feeling like this :(


Thursday 29th April


I bought an icecream maker yesterday - I used to make some really yummy icecream when I followed the plan the last time I did it but when I did it then I used to eat it as soon as I had made it - nothing wrong in that, its all syn free but it is more about the lack of control that I used to have with icecream and this time I'm going to do it differently - I made strawberry and vanilla and also chocolate and vanilla which is 2 syns for the whole tub. I'm going to try to excersise self control around it and prove to myself that I can do it.

I NEVER WANT TO GET WEIGHED AGAIN!!

I put on a pound and a half and the disappointment was huge! I could n't even stay to class, I felt like I could n't breathe and needed to get out of there so fast. I dont ever remember feeling like this if I gained on weeks doing it previously. It was totally irrational, 1 and a half pounds can be lost by going to the loo (which I probably did cause when I did finally get home I spent half an hour on the loo with the runs). I could n't even go straight home - I sat in the car in total disbelief and I was quite happy just drowning in my self pity till a woman knocked on the window asking me to move my car so she could park - lucky she could n't hear what I was saying back to her but it had a few choice words. Haydar's kinder egg is no more! I've had a kinder egg in the car for ages that I'd been keeping for Haydar - it had become like a little friend (not literally) and seeing it there every day was like an achievment because I'd not actually indulged and eaten it - It had been melted by the heat in the car recently but that did n't matter, I've never shoved something in my mouth so quickly and not even tasted it but I just crammed it in. I then kicked myself cause I only had a pound on me so could n't even go to the tesco across the road to get some more crap - then I remembered I'd put a fivers worth of pound coins in the ashtray in the car - could n't get into tesco's quickly enough. I bought a cream egg, a flake, 2 vanilla slices and a packet of alpen light bars - actually not the usual things I would have bought for a binge so something has changed. I ate the flake first then one of the vanilla slices and by then was starting to feel quite ill but even that did n't stop me. Full packet of alpen light bars and a cream egg and half the other vanilla slice later I went home - how crap did I feel then. I actually snuck into the house, went up stairs for a shower and got into bed without any one even realising I was there and I wallowed, wallowed in all the self pity that I could muster. It was 3 hours before hubby actually realised that I was home and we spent some time having a chat - not about the food, just about how crap I've been feeling the last few days and after having 2 bowls of coco pops I went to sleep.

Friday 30th April

I truely luv all my girlies, I truely do!! I have a private group on facebook for weight loss, mostly for slimming world but for any ladies who are on a weightloss journey - its a small group, totally private and we all support each other. I woke up feeling much more positive after yesterdays disaster, really mad at myself but hey, yesterday is gone and I could have done two things today - turned a bady day into an even worse week or brush myself off and go for it - My girlies give me so much strength. I've not met all of them, a few I have and have become very close to and am so greatful to them. They say all the right things at exactly the right time and make me feel so positive. I want to give them all a huge cyber hug, we all just get on so very well.

I had a fantastic day! Food wise I did good, trying to concentrate on having more super free foods as the last week I had n't had as many. Not purposely but just had n't been to the supermarket as much. This daily trip to the super market was becoming rather expensive as I was no only buying the fresh fruit each day but also much more aswell - you know how it is, these buy one get one free offers catch us every time and I was spending far too much money, wasteful really so I stopped going and have just decided to get hubby to pick up the things we need on the way home. That really was the only thing that I had done differently to the previous week where I had lost 4 and a half pounds. The chocolate that I ate during the week was n't enough to put me over my syns but I'm not going to dwell on that any more.

Hubby talked to me today, he was worried that I'm getting too obsessed with cleaning the house - he finds it rather strange that as soon as I get out of bed in the morning I start cleaning the bathrooms and the kids bedrooms - I explained to him that I do that because Haydar is still sleeping and I get things done much more quickly and safely if he is still asleep and besides, the more I move the more I lose - thank you to the dear sister that posted that on the group, think I'm going to put that as our mantra!!

Saturday 1st May

My gosh where to the months go, I can't believe we are already in May, they say time goes faster as you get older but personally I'd like to find a pause button as things are going just a little too fast for my liking!

Ohhhh I'm such a clever little (not quite so little but working on it)girly!! I had a couple of friends come over for lunch today and I did not touch a thing, not one single morsel of popcorn chicken, spicy wings, cheese bites, muffins, biscuits or victoria sponge came any where near my mouth - I'm not going to lie and say it was easy cause it was n't - the hardest thing was bringing all the cakes into the room we were sitting in so my friends could help themselves - at one point I stared at the cakes just a little bit too long and I'm sure I was drooling :P not the first time and deffinately won't be the last time that I actually fantasise in my mind about how the bloody cake would taste etc - I'm starting to think I have sanity issues cause I was arguing with my internal self about the cake, one minute I felt week and was worried then next I was totally focused and was in total control so yeah me!! How good am I?

I'm typing this a little earlier than I usually would and I'm sat on my bed typing and munching on fresh strawberries and bananas, so much better for me than alpen light bars and hifi bars.

Tomorrow may be a bit of a difficult one for me - I have my friend coming from manchester for the day with her 2 boys and her husband and as it was her youngest sons birthday today we've decided to go out to a place like the whacky warehouse and then order them pizza so I need to come up with a meal plan for me and my friend who is following the plan also - I'm going to make a fresh batch of icecream too and we can eat it straight out of the bowl cause I've discovered that by putting it in the freezer for any length of time makes it go rock hard - had to put it in the microwave today for a minute and a half before it was even soft enough to get a spoon into it - the Mr Whippy style icream you get when it comes straight out of the bowl is so much more appealing.

I've had 3 cans of baked beans today - I pity my husband haha - he tells me I've been trumping alot in my sleep, not sure if he's just teasing or being serious - I'm inclined to think he's just teasing because based on previous baked beans experiences I doubt he would have been able to stay in the same room if I was trumping all night, never mind the same bed lol - your own trumps never smell as bad to you as they do to other people and quite frankly my baked beans induced trumps are pretty potent!! Too much info? Oh well I do love to share all of my news :P Confession time - I have recently blamed a rather nasty trump on my two year old son and we must be on the same wave length cause his daddy asked him if he had done it and he said yes - bless him, protecting his mother even at such a tender age :P

Talking of children - my kids are really my inspiration! Yes I'm doing this weight loss programme for myself but also because I want to be around to see my kids move on, get married and give me beautiful grandkids. But hey not too many, with six kids and if they all had 3 kids each I'd be totally skint at Eid lol - I'm far too young to even think about grandkids, my yasmeen is 17 and she has a couple of friends with kids already and their life revolves around the dole office and struggling to feed them and their kids - I want so much more for my children so my health is vital for me to reach a ripe old age to enjoy my kids kids and have the fantastic option of handing them back to their parents at the slightest little whinge haha.

Good night my ladies, sleep well and may tomorrow be another successful day on our weightloss journey.

Sunday 2nd May

Had a really busy day today - a friend came up from Manchester with her husband and 2 kids. It's always pretty manic when they come down but I love every minute as she's a dear friend and I don't get to see her as often as I would like.

The men decided they wanted to go off and play pool so the ladies took the kids off to Football City so they could burn off some energy - I'm asking myself how come the men always get to go off kid free when we always end up trying to entertain the kids? Raw deal spings to mind, think that needs to change hmmmmmm.

We picked up pizza and fried chicken on the way home. The men had been sending text messages about how hungry they were, we did n't hurry back, let them suffer lol - by the time we did get back they had attacked the fruit bowl and I was suprised all their fingers were still intact.

I have to confess, I had about 4 crusts off the pizza! I dont eat the main part of pizza as it does n't agree with my tummy but luv the crusts - you only live once so live dangerously. I'm a bit scared I'm getting too relaxed about this healthy eating plan but even if I put on again (let's not even go there) I'm not going to stop going to group - usually what happens with me is that I put on one week, then the next and then blow it again for another week and think what the hell, I cant do this any more, stop going to group and then leave my plan completely. It's not going to happen again - no matter what I WILL ALWAYS go to group or before I know it I'll be throwing everything away again. Now it's time to pull my socks up and get strict, I will not fail, this is a long term thing and there are going to be slip ups along the way, I'm not a saint and it would be unrealistic to say I'm never going to go off track again! As long as I can see the next day as a fresh start I'll be fine, just don't want the off days to become frequent.

I spent a long while this morning thinking about weightloss, not just about me and my journey but about the whole concept in its entirety. I have a worry that to my friends I have become the person who is always dieting. The person who is on a perpetual cycle of weight loss and weight gain. It seems that every few months I go full cycle and become unhappy with how I look, how I feel about myself and how unhealthy I am. I worry that they see me as the friend who looks for new diets, talks about nothing except what I've eaten and what I've not eaten, about how my trousers are feeling looser and how the scales are showing in my favour, yet a few months (more likely to be a few weeks) I've fallen off the wagon and gained the stone I've lost and the cycle starts all over again. People seem to make yearly resolutions that this is the year where things are going to change, this is the year where the fat demons will finally be conquered permanently. It does n't matter if its 60 pounds, or the holiday weight that was put on, what ever the amount the resolutions stay the same, I want to be thinner, I want to look better. Succeed or fail these resolutions are stated every single year and I've been thinking about why that is. I've been getting some inspiration from Kate Harding, I love the way she talks and the things that she says. If you get chance, read her Shapely Prose

http://kateharding.net/faq/but-dont-you-realize-fat-is-unhealthy/

she's a little crass sometimes but her ideas are certainly an interesting concept. Fat acceptance is pretty much her mantra and she blows the concept of fat people always being more unhealthy when compared to thin people, right out of the water.

She wrote a letter to Oprah which pretty much sums up weight loss and its journey

"Some days, you feel like it would be so much easier to take on that old part-time job again — especially when you’ve done it so many times, for so many years, you could do it in your sleep. All you have to do is carve out three or four hours a day to exercise more vigorously, obsess about what you’re going to eat next, and prepare it; stop listening to your body and only pay attention to your food plan and workout schedule; cut out some hobbies and social time to make room for the job; recall all the tips and tricks for not eating at holiday gatherings, at restaurants, at your dear friends’ houses, at your own birthday party; retrain yourself to believe that salad dressing — let alone artisanal bacon, creme brulee, whatever — doesn’t taste good enough to warrant its negative effects on your job performance; talk constantly about what you’re not eating and how great it makes you feel, in hopes that some of your friends will join you at this lonely little workplace; and — most importantly — continue to believe with a religious fervor that your body is an ugly, hateful thing that must be punished and diminished. As long as you really believe that, the rest isn’t so hard to keep up, once you get used to it (again)."

Reading her blog has really made me think about why I want to lose weight, what is the real reasoning behind it. Of course the first reason and really one of the reasons every one states they want to lose weight is for their health. If we are at a point where we are so overweight it affects our health then thats time to do something about it - I know my weight affects my health in some ways however I do not suffer from things that most doctors will state a person of my weight would be suffering from. I do not have diabetes, I am not bed ridden, I do not have high blood pressure or sores from the folds in my skin. I do not sit around all day eating to maintain my huge weight, actually on the contrary - I'm on the go morning till night, cooking cleaning ferrying kids all over the place, washing, ironing the list goes on. I'm not saying I dont suffer as a result of my weight - clearly I'm not as fit as a 'regular' sized person and I get out of breath more quickly when asserting myself yet when I think about it, is my quality of life as bad as someone on the other extreme. There are alot of similarities between the over weight person and the very underweight person. Food and thoughts of it probably are in our minds all of the time, one battling to stop eating, one battling to prevent themselves from eating. Does n't the fact that the very underweight person has probably got as many health issues, all beit different health issues as the very overweight person make them that different. I think the issue here comes down to society and acceptance. Is n't it true that as a society we more readily accept the very thin person as apose to the very fat person based just on looks. If people think about it in terms of health then there really is n't much difference but its down to the visual perception that as a fat person we are gross to look at and killing ourselves through our pure greed and need to shovel huge portions of chocolate and cakes down our gullet! One recognised major difference is on one side its considered lack of self control and on the other side its consider abuse of self control, taking it to the extreme. Is my mission futile or am I taking this journey for the right reasons. Am I doing this truely for myself or because of societies refusual to give me the respect that I deserve just because I'm fat???

Interesting thoughts, I'd love to have your comments on this.

Strawberries, Strawberries and more Strawberries Week 6

Monday 19th of April

Super Speed Food is the name of the game this week. I had a fantastic weight loss last week and I'm sure some of it is down to me eating lots of super speed food - actually I probably ate about 5 kilos of strawberries so i've continued that - obviously without the cream but dipping them in vanilla fat free yoghurt softened the blow and dipping them in splenda sugar is yummy too. Problem with strawberries is stocks are running low!! I thank you NOT Mr bloody Volcano! How dare you be so inconsiderate as to stop flights being able to get our strawberry supplies to us - ok probably not as drastic as the thousands of people that are stranded all over the world but just as distressing for me (I kid you not) I want big juicy fat red strawberries like I was getting last week not thse pathetic tiddly ones I'm seeing. Grrrrr maybe I'll need to find another super speed food to snack on until Mr volcano stops his silly tricks and supplies start flowing again. Oh yeah the season is just starting for british strawberries but the ones around at the moment do not seem half as nice looking as the morrocan ones.

I made no attempt today to change the evening snacking issue :( I snacked on all healthy things and healtny extras but I still need to get it under control..... Inshallah tomorrow!!

Tuesday 20th April

So today is a new day and new tactics are long over due - I woke up and started cleaning, nothing new there, infact I did n't stop all day long, again thats nothing new either but I did change what I ate. I did n't get breakfast though, need to fix that but I sometimes feel that if I start eating early I won't stop so the later I start eating the less hours there are in the day to continue eating - I guess you have to be a fat person to understand that! Lunch time was different - did n't have my usual beans and mash, made up a batch of pasta with a nice tomato sauce and grated a little cheese over it - managed to eat about half of it and saved the rest for later - the intelligence behind that is this - I mostly chose to eat things that are easily digested and quickly digested so that I can, with out any pain or feeling uncomfortable, go on to eat more things after it (this is due to my gastric bypass, we have proper foods and slider foods, I tend to stick to slider foods.) I do this cause I want to be able to snack on things later. Soooooo by having non slider foods it limits me to what I can then go on to eat later - proper food sticks in my tummy much much longer which means then I cant go on a munchie cause if I do, I'll be ill as it will over load my tummy, are we following? Trust me when I say there is method in my madness :P The truth is in the eating as per say, after I had my pasta, I ate nothing at all for 4 hours, then had a coffee and a banana followed by dinner at 6pm of more pasta. In theory this should mean that I won't eat anything now till 10pm and I will have to snack much less. I'll keep you posted and see what happens this evening :P

I'm still not happy about the strawberry situation, they look even worse today although I managed to pick up 4 boxes that looked half way decent, the other boxes looked like something was alive inside them and that they could actually get up and walk way themselves. I cut up some pineapple and water melon too so when I do want to snack, cause I know I will I'll have the fruit ready made - actually I do that every day. Take last night for example - I snacked on 2 hifi bars, thats ok, 2 hb choice, 2 alpen light bar, 3 sins each, a skinny cow icelolly 4.5 sins, strawberries and fat free yoghurt. All good healthy things and nothing to worry about but I need to cut it down.

Ok off to sort out the kitchen from dinner and then get upstairs for an early shower and chill out in bed!

oooo and while I remember, I talked myself out of going to weight today - I was thinking of driving over to boots to weigh after I dropped Haydar at nursery but I decided against it :) Want this to be a full week with no weigh in. Thats a really hard thing for me to do to be honest, it takes alot for me to not stand on those scales cause the thought of gowing to group and having put on or stayed the same scares the hell out of me. Thats something I need to get over other wise join scale abuse anonymous!

Wednesday 21st April

Oh my word, what a day!! It was non stop from morning till night! I literally did n't stop. I decided today was the day to sort out the kids room - everything that getes me moving can help my weightloss hmmmmmm it was one of those occasions where you wish you had n't started. I managed to get Jamals room done in about an hour and it did n't help that Haydar had PMT and was every where and every where as long as he was in my arms!

I was talking yesterday about having a scale obsession. What did I do today hmmm I nipped to boots and weighed. I'm so bloody stupid, maybe its all this fruit and veg thats getting to my brain. As it was, it was totally pathetic and if I worked it out right, cause SW scales weigh about 7 or 8lbs heavier than them, and according to that I've gained a few pounds!! What the hell, I've been so good this week that I can't possibly see how that can be - guess I'll do what I should have done and left my weigh in till group tomorrow evening.

So night time snacking - today was so busy I only managed to grab a small snack around 4pm and some riveta minis, just did n't have time for more and I tackled the twin boys room in the evening so was n't until about 10pm when I was ablel to grab a shower and snack on some strawberries, couple of bananas, a hifi bar and two alpen light bars with some fat free yoghurt. All good things but still a bit too much. Today just was n't a good day to stop the snacks. Boys being boys and all that, could have strangled them today!

Right, its 1am and I'm off to catch some well earned zzzZZZZzzzz

Thursday 22nd April

Weigh in day today - I was really worried about it cause I thought I'd gained this week, due to me heading off to boots yesterday. Whohooooo I lost 4 1/2 pounds!! Go me yeah yeah yeah , can't you tell l'm pleased :P Thats a total of 2 stone 3 pounds in 5 and a half weeks. I can't wait to lose a bit more so that I can actually notice. Time will tell and show all, I have patience I really do :P

I was chatting to a few ladies at the fat club today and we were talking aboout chocolate and its dangers - They too are of the opinion that if you have a bar of chocolate you have come off you diet - I can imagine myself rocking in a corner if I was desperate and there was no way that I could get any - I'd probably need a straight jacket too. Bless my poor husband, I've told him not to allow me to have any chocolate but he's such a softie I only have to talk to him and give him the look and he decides its probably in his best interest to get me chocolate - actually for him its probably the worst of two evils - If he did n't get it I'm end up screaming at him, 'give me the bloody choclate - rather like an inmate in a high security hosptal and if he did n't give it me he'd probably stay out for the night for his own safety. When a woman is in serious need of chocoate then its advisable for the husband to bring her some. Mind you if I gained weight cause of eating the chocolate I'd probably strangle him! No win situation, like I care, thats what men are here for!!

I'm starting to used to this healthy living programme - its like its always been like that but i've never stuck to a programme as much as I have done this time, inshallah I'll keep being this positive.

Energy, Energy, Energy - Wow I've much more than I had before - I know its small steps but I can see some changes in what I do - I'm doing much more house work and going up and down the stairs quite alot during the day time, All these things are positive changes and I'm hoping its a life long change.

Off to sleep now, night night my ladies xxx

Friday 23rd April

Today was a hard day! I stick by the idea that if I eat early in the morning I tend to want to eat more and more and today was one of those days! Snacking has been on my mind all day but I've managed to resist but it has been very difficult - is n't it weird how we have days like this, dont know why it happened but it did but I've got through it so I'ms giving myself a good old pat on the back for achieving this much.

I've noticed that since I've started on the 'healthy' living programme I seem to think about food all the time. If I'm not thinking about it, I'm talking about and if I'm not talking about it I'm cooking it and if I'm not cooking it I'm buying!! Food Food Food. I sometimes wish there was no such thing as food - would n't life be so much easier and more simplier if we did n't have to eat and had to for example have one pill a day that gave us all the nutrition and calories etc that we need or a daily injection - very extreme but think of the problems it would solve - world wide obesity wiped out, no people dying from starvation or working their arses off for a few grains of rice a day - yeah I have weirddddddddddd ideas and half of them I could n't even put on a page cause the men in white coats would be running after me rather quickly.

I've been on a mission today to try to find out the meaning of something - its something I've heard so many times and have never understood what it meant and I'm still none the wiser - did n't really want to be asking people what it meant and the one person I felt comfortable asking did nt know either lol - what does it mean when someone says so and so is really anal?????Does it have a link to the obvious (_Y_) or is it not even linked to bottoms? If any one wants to share its meaning with me then plz do, its something I've wanted to know for years and when people have said it I've always nodded like I understood and agreed lmao

Hubby has just come home with bloody pizza!! Its not something that I lust after but right now it smells so dam good. I've just had a tiny bit of crust tut tut and am now going to tuck into, wait for it, beans and mash!! Now there's a suprise hey :P

With that, I bid you all good night xxx

Saturday 24th April

Going out for the day and sticking to the plan is always difficult so I think I did quite well today - went to visit my close friend in Manchester with the kids and hubby in tow. Did help that she is following the plan aswell so was really good and she made some rice without oil for us both and some chicken marinated in spices but cooked without the skin etc. The plan was to do an Extra Easy today but I'm not sure I did that but I did n't go mad and was quite controlled, did n't even have a lick of an icecream while all the kids and hubbies sat infront of us in the park and polished off two boxes of cornettos!

Strangely for me it was n't sweet stuff that tested me today - it was samosas! My friend makes the most delicious samosas, they are different to normal samosas and I admit, I had one and finished the final mouthful of my sons too :P so not sure of the syns values of those - I'm sure its something so high I don't even want to think about it so I'm not! I dont use most of my syns during the week so nothing I ate today will take me over the 105 limit. MMmmMMM trying to think what else I had that was a bit on the naughty side - mmMMmmm Biryani - was so nice, only had 4 table spoons of oil in the whole dish and she cooked enough to feed the army so the small amount that I had would nt have been very many syns at all. MmMMM greek youghurt - cumcumber mint and garlic!! Yummy and worth the syns I'm sure. Anyway we had a great day so I'm not worried, its not often we go out for the day like that so its all good.

Tomorrow is another day so will just reign myself in and be a bit more strict for the rest of the week and hopefully will have a good weight loss to show for my efforts.

Sunday 25th April

Lordy Lordy!! I did n't stop all day today, it was non stop from the minute I got up till around 9.30pm - Washing, Ironing and made the mistake of deciding to sort out Haydar's room and wardrobes, it took me hours - I never knew that one little boy could have so much stuff! Well at least it is all organised now and I've got all the clothes that were too small for him out and put things in much better places - well one side effect of being so busy was I did n't have time to eat - not always a good thing but I did have a bit of a munch in the evening but no way near what I should have had.

My energy levels seem to be constantly increasing! I'm not complaining but I'm not actually able to sit on my bum for long periods of time, keep thinking of things to do and places to clean - not that its a bad thing, the more I move the more I lose so long may it continue.

I meant to write about my car parking experience on Saturday - was really embarrassing but highly amusing to my friend and husband lol - I was traumatised but hey life goes on - we were trying to park in the carpark of the park where we were taking the kids to play - it was extremely busy and the only space was an extrememly tight one - the guy coming out of it had a much smaller car and here I was trying to get my huge people carrier in it - suffice to say I actually gave up half way through trying to park as I could n't get in or out and was well and truely stuck (in my mind of course) I was too scared to move the car forwards or backwards cause I thought I was going to hit either the car next to me or the one behind me - quick call to hubby who ran over and rescued me lol - the kurdish guy in the car a few rows down thought he was helping by telling me it was so simple to get it out and the fact that hubby did a quick manouver and the car was in the space - men don't you just bloody hate them when they are better at things than we are!!!!

Bring on the sun Week 5

Monday 12 April

Wow for once I'm writing this blog at a reasonable time of day!

The sun is out and has been for a few days now and it always picks me up a bit and makes me want to eat more healthy things - deffinatly a bonus as I'm on a 'healthy living' plan (the word diet is not allowed)

I'm in a munching mood (again) but I'm not craving bad things, just want to pick all the time which I can handle as long as I make sensible choices. The amount of fruit and veg I'm eating I should be a twig by this time next week.

I should n't have weighed today! I was n't meant to cause I'm sticking to a thursday weigh in at the group - so how come I did weigh? And while I'm asking questions how come I'm 3 bloody pounds heavier when I've had the best week on the plan so far!! I'm quite matter afact about it - firstly its start week so a gain is not a true gain and secondly I'm doing well, eating the right things so it will come off even if the scales are not showing that.

I went Adsa shopping again for more strawberrys - they are just so nice at the moment and the fact that they are a super speed food certainly does it for me too - we are spending about 10 pounds a day on them at the moment but don't worry thats between me hubby and 6 kids so its not too extreme!

I'm off to munch, munch and munch, no big deal, fat free yoghurt more baked beans and some more strawberrys I think - Its all free food but I do wonder if there is a limit to how much you can have before it affects your weight lol

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why does that always happen to me?????? I typed a load of stuff then pressed something and its all bloody gone!

I was talking about baked beans - lets talk about the negatives of beans before we look at the postives. I'm having major trumping issues - not only do they smell disgusting (sorry kids, especially Haydar for blaming you) but they give off enough heat to warm up the whole ground floor of the house!! (Appologies once again if thats just a tad too much information :S) The weather is warming up, we don't need extra heat - sorry but I do love beans even with this negative side effect. Beans on toast, beans and mash, beans egg and chips, jacket potato and beans yum yum Baked beans are good for your heart the more you eat the more you fart.............. Grow up Alia, your 37, not 4 lol

I was thinking about extreme plastic surgery - I mean for example why can't I just get my stomach cut off and the skin stretched up and sewn back together. That would give me so much release straight away - I've even thought about doing it myself and what it would entail, of course not that I ever would (no need for straight jackets please) In my nievity I imagine there are no major blood vessels there etc so it would be pretty simple.... scary stuff, it is n't going to happen is it?? I've seen it done on TV, I think I'm a deserving cause, any volunteers?

I'm going, I've got back ache from hell and a tummy that's trying to match my back - time of the month and all that, I love it, its the only time in the month where I can act like a first class demon and get away with it (my husband would beg to differ and say its no different to other times!)

:)

Tuesday 13th April

Why am I feeling hungry - I mean its not real hunger its like hunger behind hunger if that makes sense, actually it probably does n't but its really quite hard to explain - its like I have a full stomache but behind that is an empty space - I got it! I'm a kangaroo :P I've got a pouch, a spare pouch that does n't get filled - well technically I do have a pouch since my surgery. I'm not really worried about it cause I'm feeling really focused at the moment and even if I do snack its on things that I am allowed but I'd rather I did n't feel hungry at all. It's kind of weird how it works cause I can go all day hardly eating things, not intentionally but just because I'm so busy but by evening time I really need food - for example today, all day long I was busy and I only managed to squeeze in a mug shot and a banana. At 5.30 I had mash and beans, quite a big portion and I've since had 2 alpen light bars (actually one and a half cause Haydar pinched half of one) and some melon but I'm feeling so so hungry and know I'll have a few more things before bed. Its ok technically cause I've had no sins today yet, and only one of my healthy b options plus I have my free food aswell. I need to get my head around this business that eating alot of the right kind of thing is wrong - I CAN EAT IT!!!!!! See if I was to use my sins on say a chocolate bar I'd feel like I had done something wrong but if its within my plan then its ok - why do I think like that and what can I do to make me change my way of thinking???

Hubby and I had the what if discussion - what would be the first thing you would buy if you won the lottery (bearing in mind we don't do the lottery cause its haram but we can dream eh) So what is the first thing I would buy? Firsly I'd buy my mum a nice bungalow in the country somewhere and furnish for her with every possible thing she might need and employ a cleaner for her and give her enough money for her to have an easy stress free life - I never really aknowledge how much my mum has done for me in my life but she deserves so much more than I can ever give her and sometimes I hate the fact that she is working at this stage in her life. She did retire but got bored and went back to work - my mum is n't one who can sit around doing nothing but I'd make sure she could be free to enjoy her time in any way she wanted - I can just picture her on a beach in dubai and playing golf on the top of Burj al Arab! So thats what I would do first then it would be time to do some serious shopping!!! House comes first http://www.homesgofast.co.uk/properties/large-houses-for-sale-essex-england-P123532029/ Something along those lines would do very nicely thank you!! Few cars, don't want anything really flash, X5 would be good. I could go on and on but pipe dreams and all that - what's material things if you have your health and thats the whole point of this new healthy living plan - improve my health and lengthen it - after all, 6 kids, just imagine the grand kids I'm going to have!!! Actually I think I'll need to do the lottery just to buy their Eid presents!! Holy cow, I dont want to think that far ahead!!

Time for me to shoot, stomach is growling so need to have something before I sleep - oh yes so thrilled at the prospect of some fat free yoghurt!

Wednesday 14th April

BLEEP!! @@??!$£ (swearing)

I had a good day today, just a totally crap night!! Did everything the same as I usually do but after seeing a half eaten chocolate lindt bunny upstairs I lost it big time - I'm not even going to list what I ate but suffice to say that I had 64 spare sins that I have n't used during the week and I probably managed to use the lot!! What WILL be different this time is that I've accepted what I did and probably worked out WHY I did it and I'm using tomorrow as a totally fresh day and not going to dwell on it and make a bad day into a bad week. This was the first time ever in my dieting history that I've actually worked out the sins of what I had and seen it for what it was - its star week for a start and I've learnt from this blip and I realise that I really have to start giving myself a few treats during the week so I don't end up having these blow outs. Even if its just a mini milky way or something each evening I think its needed - I've never been brave enough to do that, always convincing myself that if I have one bit of chocolate I won't be able to stop. I've never actually tried that but what have I got to lose, I'm going to go for it and see how it works out - it may go terribly wrong but I have to try it - One small chocolate bar each evening on the condition that I have the sins availible and that its all I'm allowed - I need to change my line of thought for this to actually work - TREATS ARE ALLOWED AND DON'T MEAN I'VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG I need to drum it into my head.

I was thinking last night about the whole syn thing and slimming world plan. Do I truely believe that you can eat as much free food as you want, plus the healthy A and 2 B choices plus the sins and still lose weight????? I'm not sure that I do believe it but my brain knows it works. Surely if you really over dose on free food you are going to be having so much food that the calories taken in will be higher than is needed and that it will stop your weightloss. Urghhhhhhhhh I've done slimming world for so many years but I've never really thought about it in depth. I need to really sort this out in my head and give it a test - If I'm feelign hungry (most of the time at the moment) then I can eat something, free food even if I've used up all my syns during the day - after all that's what attracted me to slimming world in the first place that there was never going to be a time when there was nothing that I could eat. Even if I've had a blip and gone over my syns say by lunch time I have to teach myself that I dont have to blow it for the rest of the day, I should continue on the plan and maybe just restrict some syns the next day so my blip can be fitted into the programme. This seems good on paper but will I really be able to change my whole way of thinking and put these things in to practise. I think I really have to if I'm going to be able to continue with this plan long term as I do not want to do it for a few months then lose my way and end up giving up. This is all new for me, I've never truely thought about this or put it into action. In a way its good I had the blip as its made me really think about my whole attitude to the plan.

Here's to a blip free, controlled healthy living plan!!

Thursday 15th April

Whoop Whoop Whoop!!! Are n't I a clever girly!! 8lbs off so 1 stone 9lbs now. I actually felt I had lost weight cause when I was walking round tesco today my back wasn't aching so much! Its really given me the push to have another excellent week, hopefully this time without the blip. I'm just going to do the same thing as I've been doing this week so hopefully I'll have a good loss next week too - I'm realistic, I'm not expecting 8 lbs every week but its all good, I'll be happy with 3.

I'm going to start excersising..... a profound statement from me who drives around Crown Point instead of walking from one shop to another on the other side, well no more, I'm going to start parking further away from the shop I need to go to so I can start introducing some gentle excercise. Baby steps, no way this big momma can start running yet - or even in the near future but we all have to start somewhere.

My group I'm attending is deffinately different to the previous group I was a member of. They talk more and I think they are all alchoholics! All they talk about is the booze they have had during the week - I've go an advantage on that score I guess, syns from alchohol is not something I have to worry about so that puts me ahead right away. I admit I left early tonight, I'd heard enough lol I need to find my place in it but as weeks go by it will get easier. Of course I'm the only one there wearing a scarf so I'm totally different from every one else right away but who cares, maybe I'll be the first muslim woman to win slimmer of the year! :)

Friday 16th April

Food wise I've had a fantastic day foodwise, been so good and was totally focused. The 8lbs loss this week really spurred me on, long may it continue. It was a beautiful day today, got the washing out and for the first time this year it actually dried. Can't believe how warm it was today, summer is finally on the way.

Some one said today that they could see I've lost weight, personally I think that's bullshit, yes 1 stone 9 is alot but in the grand scheme of things its nothing! So cheers luv much appreciated!

I'm not going to write loads here today, just a normal uneventful day just been good on my plan and thats it basically!

Saturday 17th April

The weather was just amazing today! Made me want to get a paddling pool out and lounge in it like a beached whale - don't panic, I wouldn 't do that to any one, the shock may just be too much!! I'm not sure you can actually get a paddling pool that big anyway :P

I need to start making sure that I eat at the proper times - today I had hardly anything all day and then as usual come night time I started eating all the things I should have eat during the day. Don't get me wrong, I did n't eat anything I should n't have done, I just had my 2 hb choices plus free food and 3 syns on salad cream. Need to make sure I have my A choice cause I've been lacking in that for a few days and my bones need to suck up all that calcium!

I think I was good beyond good today - we went out to the park as it was a totally beautiful day today and decided to get Mcdonalds to take to the park to eat. I had nothing, not even one little chip - I can't say I was n't tempted, Haydar's fish fingers made me salivate but how focused was I! I love it when I'm this focused, just wish that I could focus myself to eat more during the day and say after 9pm eat nothing at all. I've always been a night time muncher so I need to think of some things to put into place to stop me doing that - maybe if I eat all the things I'm supposed to eat during the day then I will not be hungry enough to actually want to eat at night.

I am noticing little changes - I've lost a stone and a half and I can feel it in my walking a bit - my back does n't seem to ache so quickly and I'm not in as much pain at night either - still very painful but i'm hoping with each pound off I'll be heading to a less painful existence.

I was thinking today about things that I'm looking forward to about losing weight. I'd luv to see my C-Section scar without using a mirror lol - its been part of me for nearly 17 years but hidden behind my flesh hahhaaa - actually I've also got an appendix scar that would be nice to see that too! I'd also like to be able to have a decent bath without touching the sides and creating a dam like situation with the water. Oh and I'd luv my abayah to be less like a parachute - here's hoping :P

Sunday 19th April

Weather was nice again today although not as nice as it was yesterday. Spent most of the day cleaning and Ironing, it never seems to stop, its the bain of my life lol

Food wise things were good, still really focused and enjoying the new amount of engery that I seem to have - deffinately down to good eating habits I think, suprising how much of a difference it makes.

Night time snacking!!! I need to stop it - I much all evening when I'm upstairs. Not bad things, all things I'm allowed but things would probably be better if I did nt do it - its a bad habit I got into a long long time ago. Confession time! I used to fill a carrier bag full of treats to take up stairs with me to munch on while I was in bed watching tv! Hubby called it the shopping bag - chocolate, biscuits, youghurts, crisps, snack bars, the list goes on and on and I used to even wake up in the night and start munching - my hubby joked once that he thought we had mice cause he woke up in the middle of the night hearing russling paper and it took him a few seconds to realise it was me chomping away on chocolate!! He never seemed to react after that, just normal in our house but so out of control. Now I dont take anything up with me except a drink but I munch on good healthy stuff but my aim is to actually get out of that habit. Fingers crossed I'll find some good ideas to make a plan of action for how I can stop this.

Don't think I've ever mentioned that I think being fat is contagious! Look hear me out first lol - take my hubby for example. He's gained about 18 or 19kgs since we have been together - No I haven't force fed him but my snacking and bad habbits seem to catch on. I certainly haven't been munching alone at night - I remember it well, big bags of cheese balls, full fat coke and boxes of ice lollies with some chocolate thrown in for good measure too. I guess his weight gain could be blamed paritally on me - I've kept the fridge full of tasty treats, full fat coke and dished him up huge servings of food - well I'm hoping that a side effect of my new 'healthy' living plan will be hubby losing a few pounds too :P

Bugger Bugger Bugger Week 4

Monday 5th April

So the start of a fresh week and the first week where I've really been struggling :(
Dont know why or what caused it but I was totally off my plan today and I'm feeling really crap about it. I was n't stressed or anything just felt the need for chocolate and stuff. Probably did n't help with the kids thrusting Easter Eggs in my face and asking if I wanted a bit - I folded, Yes I'm weak but its not a disater (I'm trying to convince myself) and I can always take today as a non started and tomorrow is another day! Previously this bad day would become a bad week and a bad week a bad month and the rest we know too well.

I've decided to join a group - there is one on a thursday evening at 7.00pm and its just round the corner and I think it will give me the extra support that I need. Trouble is in my head I've convinced myself that I can stay off plan till then and see Thursday as a starting point - my aim is not to give into that but if it does happen I will not beat myself up about it.

I've got a friend coming to stay tomorrow, with her 2 little boys and she is following the plan so I can't see myself being able to go wrong with her around as she's pretty fiesty and blunt so if I even so much tried to put a jaffa cake in my mouth I can imagine her beating me black and blue (not literally) so badly that I'd never do it again - we shall see.

Suffice to say I did n't weigh myself today - partly cause if my mess ups and partly because my husband was out collecting my son from Manchester and with being a bank holiday boots would shut up early. I'll do it tomorrow, for sure although I really dont want to weigh till Thursday.

On that note I'm off to feel really crap about having a chinese, or a quarter of one cause with my stomache that's all I can manage!

Tuesday 6th April

Said friend arrived around 1pm today and we set off looking for something healthy to eat for dinner. As we walked through the door at tesco they were selling huge whole salmon at a quarter of the price so we decided we would cook that - having never cooked a whole salmon before I was a bit dubious of the outcome! Was n't too impressed with it lying on the side, head and eyes intact but never the less we cooked it and had a rather late dinner - hubby actually did look like he'd had his throat cut as he's used to dinner being on the table as he walks through the door. I'm actually getting there, from someone who does nt really like salmon I did really well and it was n't as bad as I remembered. Mission accomplised, I'm a salmon revert.....

Exciting times, yeah me!! Went to boots to weigh and despite my distressing couple of days I managed to loose 6lbs - did think it was 5 but when I got home and went to mark my progress I realised it was 6 whohooooo!! Actually it was the boost that I needed. Had I have gone and lost 1 or even gained I dont think I'd have been so in to my plan again but I'm well chuffed and lets say thanks to that and my guest I've got my mojo back - being told I'd have my legs chopped off if I ate chocolate again probably helped (cheers guest!)but good times and a good week ahead inshallah.

I've lost 1 stone 1 pound now - hardly much in the grand scheme of things but slowly slowly every pound counts. I dont actually feel any different yet - ok so if Posh Spice lost that much she'd be sectioned coz she's a walking skeleton anyway but on me, my abundant flesh supplies mean its not noticable yet - my guest did say she could see I'd lost weight but either she was just being kind or she needs to get to Spec Savers!

I am actually wondering how this fat loss things works - lets face it 15 pounds of fat is quite alot but where does it go from and how does it know where to take it from first - I mean lets face it, if I lost 15 pounds off my left arm first it would look pretty noticable but it does n't work like that - given the choice I'd like to lose my first 5 stone off my tummy, then the next 5 stone off my thighs. After that it can pretty much do as it likes as long as it comes off! So fat fairy I've given you my wishes so for the first time in my life can you actually grant me that wish!!!

Oh and just for arguments sake, that picture is NOT a picture of me, despite my fore mentioned friend asking then saying hang on I can't see clearly I've not got my glasses on!! You can really go off people quickly can't you!!


Wednesday 7th April

Not a bad day, just a slight mishap, did n't realise I'd picked up fat free activia yoghurts and full fat ones - realised like after the second one something wasn't quite right, they just seemed way to creamy for the diet stuff - no use crying, can't change it so will just have to count them as syns!

Two words! Skinny Cow!! Oh my oh my - soooooooo worth while the 3 syns for the chocolate ice lolly! How can something so yummy only have 87 calories. I bought two packs - one pack was gone before we got home and before you jump to any conclusions I had one of a pack of 3! Seranna had 1 and we gave one, begrudgingly to her young son and then we were n't allowed to eat the other pack that is done so well to last this long in my freezer (5 hours and 22 minutes to be precise!)

I'm back on track and really chuffed to be honest, even the full fat yoghurt did n't put me off my stride - I need to make this work, I really need to be able to be pain free or if not pain free at least in less pain and more mobile. I feel like an 86 year old person at times, needing to stop and rest all the time. It can only get better with each pound that comes off!!!

You know sometimes a woman has needs - needs for chocolate that, Seranna really had a need today and I knew better than to stop her - she's done it and thats it, tomorrow is another day. It happens to the best of her but bless her she's not feeling good about it - how focused am i though, did n't even flinch as she ate truffles and a cream egg. Did n't even bother with another skinny cow, the beans and mash were much more my thing lol Do I sound convincing?

Thursday 8th April

It was a kind of strange day for me today - I still have my friends company and she's been making me laugh and smile all day - we decided to make dolma today and it took us all day - plenty of coffee breaks in between. I was really focused and felt great all day, was n't tempted with anything at all.

I joined a SW Group today and it kind of sent me into a bit of a tizzy! The scales showed an 8lb difference between my tuesday weigh in at boots and their scales - I know there is no way I've put 8 pounds on cause I've been good but it really has got me on a bit of a downer - on top of that I'm on the sad side that my friend is going home tomorrow, we've been such a support to each other I think I might go off track without her watching me closely lol

On the postive side though - I talked myself out of a small binge - after every one was sleeping I went down to the kitchen geared up to start searching for yummy things (dono't think I would have been that successful as since I started the SW plan I've not bought anything 'nice' at all. Thought about having a hifi bar or treating myself to a nutrigrain bar but the mood I was in, I would deffinately not be able to stop at 1 - so proud of myself, I grabbed a bottle of water and went back up.

I heard something today that made me laugh even though it was a joke at all fat peoples expense - a woman in group was talking about a bad day leading to a bad week and a bad week leading to a bad month which in turn lead to a extra chin! Maybe you had to be there to capture the moment but who cares, I was and it made me laugh.

Friday 9th April

Food wise what a fantastic day, so very focused and happy with everything that I ate (or did n't eat lol). I even got a supply of veg into my diet today so that should please my sweetpea of a friend Nina - luv her dearly, I often wonder if she realises how much of an inspiration to me, I wish I had the patience and positive thoughts that she does mashallah. She's following the plan too and doing so well.

Mega Mega stress today, kids came home, tired and grumpy and it all built up and if there was a day that I needed chocolate it was today but I did n't even think about it - been so busy cleaning up and sorting out it was 2pm before I even got chance to sit down to rest and try to eat something.

I really need to get over to see my mum this weekend or monday, things have been so hectic these last couple of weeks and I did n't want to disturb her while she is recovering from her op.

My friend went home with her children today, the house was so so quiet, and I felt kind of lost which is why I embarked on a mad cleaning spree - luv having my girlies around me so we can support each other.

Night night Slimmers, may tomorrow be as successful as, if not more so than yesterday or today :)

Sasturday 10th April

I read about a man today who had lost 31 stone over a 20 month period!! 31 stone!! Thats like 200kg. What an inspiration that is - he's written a book and I've ordered it and can't wait to read it - surely if he can do that and change his life beyond imagination then I can lose what I need to lose! In my moments of weakness I'm going to use him as my inspiratation.

I'm so focused at the moment that I'm quite scared of myself - I often get like this but in previous weight loss efforts being this focused has proved detrimental to my efforts cause I keep myself on such a tight reign that when I fall I fall big time - I'm trying to think of some way to treat myself without risking blowing everything but at the same time giving me some reward for all the good that I'm doing. I'm scared of having that one chocolate bar cause I'm not sure that I can stick to one - need to retrain my brain into accepting this small reward and that it is ok to have it. I've got friends doing the SW plan that have a chocolate bar every single evening. One friend has a chocolate bar and a hot chocolate every night. See to me I see that as cheating altnough its not and thats the beauty of Slimming World. All in moderation, why can't I get that into my head. This is one area that really needs work with me. As a friend so rightly said, skinny people eat chocolate just not in the huge quantites that over weight people eat in - lets face it, I did n't get this fat eating lettuce leaves did I??? Every thing is ok in moderation - why do I find that so hard to do. I've never been able to conquer my chocolate demons, this time I'm determined to. However just not now, I want to leave it a while, get a good few stone off and then look at trying to introduce a chocolate treat now and then without going totally off plan.

Today was a really stressful day, more stressful than I've had in a very long time. Having 6 kids is not condusive to calm and order. Normally after a day like I've had I'd be there cramming in the chocolate and crisps and washing it down with copious amounts of coke - infact I'd be eating it so fast that I'd probably not even taste half of what I'd be eating. Why is food an emmotional response to difficult times. That's something I'm going to be thinking about for a while and see if I can work out my own demons!

Sunday 11 April

Here I am again, early hours of the morning up doing my cleaning thing - I was asleep, woke up for the loo and got lost on the way back - bit bizzare seeing as the bathroom is ensuite but it always seems to happen. If I wake up then I end up downstairs checking it out before I can go back to sleep and 9 times out of 10 its a mess down there - must say though tonights mess was the worst I'd seen in a while - why do kids have to be so bloody messy? How come they can't just get some food and clean up after them selves??? Yup asking that though is asking for a miracle.

Strawberrys strawberrys and more strawberrys! They are my 'thing' at the moment and we are going through loads of them - bought 4 packs on saturday, 8 packs today and they are already gone, typical that the kids love them as much as I do - they are a super speed free food and since I realised that I've gone mad on them. Huge big ones, I spend ages in Asda sorting through the packs to find the biggest, reddest looking ones then cut them and wash them and they last in the fridge for about 2 hours only. I should have lost like 10kgs the amount I've eaten in the last few days.

I'm still really focused, did n't even bring myself any thing to much on after my mad OCD moment down stairs, just grabbed a bottle of water and came up, this is a huge thing for me as I love to munch in bed but I've only had good things lately and all within the plan.

Tomorrow would have been weigh day! I've decided I won't weigh though, just going to stick to the SW scales even though Thursday seems so very far away - I've been so good I must have lost a good few pounds.

Hubby has lost 3 kilos! Well wanted side effect of the healthy eating plan every one is following at the moment - think for him its mainly cause he has n't been drinking full fat coke, he loves it and could easily have 5-6 cans a day. I've only been buying the gold cans, fat free and caffeine free since I started on the plan and there is no sweets or chocolate in the house. Won't hurt him, he needs to lose around 20 killos anyway - that will take him back to what he was when we first got married. It's true what they say, marriage makes you feel relaxed and comfortable with your life and the weight creeps up. He's gained about 20 kilos since we have been married, that's terrible really - my fault alot of it cause I keep making things he loves and buying the bad things he should n't have. Systems all changed 4 weeks ago and its for the better for all of us. Nice to see us being more healthy as a family.

I made Cous Cous Cakes today - sorry I can't ever say that name for Bulgar Wheat without laughing. When my husbands mum came over from Iran when my youngest son was born I asked her once if she wanted Cous Cous - my oh my she looked like I had just stabbed her - me being as dizzy as I am completely forgot that Cous is a slang name of a certain body part of woman, no more details needed nor will they be forth coming, just work it out for yourself. Anyway back to the cakes. They were different to say the least, not horrible but certainly not something I would rush out to buy. There is a huge debate as to wether they are free or not as the cous cous is normally free but as with alot of things once they are cooked the values change. I'm not going to stress about it, won' be rushing to make them again!

Ok so its 2.30am, need to sleep, looking forward to another focus filled day and a load more strawberrys!