Monday 5th April
So the start of a fresh week and the first week where I've really been struggling :(
Dont know why or what caused it but I was totally off my plan today and I'm feeling really crap about it. I was n't stressed or anything just felt the need for chocolate and stuff. Probably did n't help with the kids thrusting Easter Eggs in my face and asking if I wanted a bit - I folded, Yes I'm weak but its not a disater (I'm trying to convince myself) and I can always take today as a non started and tomorrow is another day! Previously this bad day would become a bad week and a bad week a bad month and the rest we know too well.
I've decided to join a group - there is one on a thursday evening at 7.00pm and its just round the corner and I think it will give me the extra support that I need. Trouble is in my head I've convinced myself that I can stay off plan till then and see Thursday as a starting point - my aim is not to give into that but if it does happen I will not beat myself up about it.
I've got a friend coming to stay tomorrow, with her 2 little boys and she is following the plan so I can't see myself being able to go wrong with her around as she's pretty fiesty and blunt so if I even so much tried to put a jaffa cake in my mouth I can imagine her beating me black and blue (not literally) so badly that I'd never do it again - we shall see.
Suffice to say I did n't weigh myself today - partly cause if my mess ups and partly because my husband was out collecting my son from Manchester and with being a bank holiday boots would shut up early. I'll do it tomorrow, for sure although I really dont want to weigh till Thursday.
On that note I'm off to feel really crap about having a chinese, or a quarter of one cause with my stomache that's all I can manage!
Tuesday 6th April
Said friend arrived around 1pm today and we set off looking for something healthy to eat for dinner. As we walked through the door at tesco they were selling huge whole salmon at a quarter of the price so we decided we would cook that - having never cooked a whole salmon before I was a bit dubious of the outcome! Was n't too impressed with it lying on the side, head and eyes intact but never the less we cooked it and had a rather late dinner - hubby actually did look like he'd had his throat cut as he's used to dinner being on the table as he walks through the door. I'm actually getting there, from someone who does nt really like salmon I did really well and it was n't as bad as I remembered. Mission accomplised, I'm a salmon revert.....
Exciting times, yeah me!! Went to boots to weigh and despite my distressing couple of days I managed to loose 6lbs - did think it was 5 but when I got home and went to mark my progress I realised it was 6 whohooooo!! Actually it was the boost that I needed. Had I have gone and lost 1 or even gained I dont think I'd have been so in to my plan again but I'm well chuffed and lets say thanks to that and my guest I've got my mojo back - being told I'd have my legs chopped off if I ate chocolate again probably helped (cheers guest!)but good times and a good week ahead inshallah.
I've lost 1 stone 1 pound now - hardly much in the grand scheme of things but slowly slowly every pound counts. I dont actually feel any different yet - ok so if Posh Spice lost that much she'd be sectioned coz she's a walking skeleton anyway but on me, my abundant flesh supplies mean its not noticable yet - my guest did say she could see I'd lost weight but either she was just being kind or she needs to get to Spec Savers!
I am actually wondering how this fat loss things works - lets face it 15 pounds of fat is quite alot but where does it go from and how does it know where to take it from first - I mean lets face it, if I lost 15 pounds off my left arm first it would look pretty noticable but it does n't work like that - given the choice I'd like to lose my first 5 stone off my tummy, then the next 5 stone off my thighs. After that it can pretty much do as it likes as long as it comes off! So fat fairy I've given you my wishes so for the first time in my life can you actually grant me that wish!!!
Oh and just for arguments sake, that picture is NOT a picture of me, despite my fore mentioned friend asking then saying hang on I can't see clearly I've not got my glasses on!! You can really go off people quickly can't you!!
Wednesday 7th April
Not a bad day, just a slight mishap, did n't realise I'd picked up fat free activia yoghurts and full fat ones - realised like after the second one something wasn't quite right, they just seemed way to creamy for the diet stuff - no use crying, can't change it so will just have to count them as syns!
Two words! Skinny Cow!! Oh my oh my - soooooooo worth while the 3 syns for the chocolate ice lolly! How can something so yummy only have 87 calories. I bought two packs - one pack was gone before we got home and before you jump to any conclusions I had one of a pack of 3! Seranna had 1 and we gave one, begrudgingly to her young son and then we were n't allowed to eat the other pack that is done so well to last this long in my freezer (5 hours and 22 minutes to be precise!)
I'm back on track and really chuffed to be honest, even the full fat yoghurt did n't put me off my stride - I need to make this work, I really need to be able to be pain free or if not pain free at least in less pain and more mobile. I feel like an 86 year old person at times, needing to stop and rest all the time. It can only get better with each pound that comes off!!!
You know sometimes a woman has needs - needs for chocolate that, Seranna really had a need today and I knew better than to stop her - she's done it and thats it, tomorrow is another day. It happens to the best of her but bless her she's not feeling good about it - how focused am i though, did n't even flinch as she ate truffles and a cream egg. Did n't even bother with another skinny cow, the beans and mash were much more my thing lol Do I sound convincing?
Thursday 8th April
It was a kind of strange day for me today - I still have my friends company and she's been making me laugh and smile all day - we decided to make dolma today and it took us all day - plenty of coffee breaks in between. I was really focused and felt great all day, was n't tempted with anything at all.
I joined a SW Group today and it kind of sent me into a bit of a tizzy! The scales showed an 8lb difference between my tuesday weigh in at boots and their scales - I know there is no way I've put 8 pounds on cause I've been good but it really has got me on a bit of a downer - on top of that I'm on the sad side that my friend is going home tomorrow, we've been such a support to each other I think I might go off track without her watching me closely lol
On the postive side though - I talked myself out of a small binge - after every one was sleeping I went down to the kitchen geared up to start searching for yummy things (dono't think I would have been that successful as since I started the SW plan I've not bought anything 'nice' at all. Thought about having a hifi bar or treating myself to a nutrigrain bar but the mood I was in, I would deffinately not be able to stop at 1 - so proud of myself, I grabbed a bottle of water and went back up.
I heard something today that made me laugh even though it was a joke at all fat peoples expense - a woman in group was talking about a bad day leading to a bad week and a bad week leading to a bad month which in turn lead to a extra chin! Maybe you had to be there to capture the moment but who cares, I was and it made me laugh.
Friday 9th April
Food wise what a fantastic day, so very focused and happy with everything that I ate (or did n't eat lol). I even got a supply of veg into my diet today so that should please my sweetpea of a friend Nina - luv her dearly, I often wonder if she realises how much of an inspiration to me, I wish I had the patience and positive thoughts that she does mashallah. She's following the plan too and doing so well.
Mega Mega stress today, kids came home, tired and grumpy and it all built up and if there was a day that I needed chocolate it was today but I did n't even think about it - been so busy cleaning up and sorting out it was 2pm before I even got chance to sit down to rest and try to eat something.
I really need to get over to see my mum this weekend or monday, things have been so hectic these last couple of weeks and I did n't want to disturb her while she is recovering from her op.
My friend went home with her children today, the house was so so quiet, and I felt kind of lost which is why I embarked on a mad cleaning spree - luv having my girlies around me so we can support each other.
Night night Slimmers, may tomorrow be as successful as, if not more so than yesterday or today :)
Sasturday 10th April
I read about a man today who had lost 31 stone over a 20 month period!! 31 stone!! Thats like 200kg. What an inspiration that is - he's written a book and I've ordered it and can't wait to read it - surely if he can do that and change his life beyond imagination then I can lose what I need to lose! In my moments of weakness I'm going to use him as my inspiratation.
I'm so focused at the moment that I'm quite scared of myself - I often get like this but in previous weight loss efforts being this focused has proved detrimental to my efforts cause I keep myself on such a tight reign that when I fall I fall big time - I'm trying to think of some way to treat myself without risking blowing everything but at the same time giving me some reward for all the good that I'm doing. I'm scared of having that one chocolate bar cause I'm not sure that I can stick to one - need to retrain my brain into accepting this small reward and that it is ok to have it. I've got friends doing the SW plan that have a chocolate bar every single evening. One friend has a chocolate bar and a hot chocolate every night. See to me I see that as cheating altnough its not and thats the beauty of Slimming World. All in moderation, why can't I get that into my head. This is one area that really needs work with me. As a friend so rightly said, skinny people eat chocolate just not in the huge quantites that over weight people eat in - lets face it, I did n't get this fat eating lettuce leaves did I??? Every thing is ok in moderation - why do I find that so hard to do. I've never been able to conquer my chocolate demons, this time I'm determined to. However just not now, I want to leave it a while, get a good few stone off and then look at trying to introduce a chocolate treat now and then without going totally off plan.
Today was a really stressful day, more stressful than I've had in a very long time. Having 6 kids is not condusive to calm and order. Normally after a day like I've had I'd be there cramming in the chocolate and crisps and washing it down with copious amounts of coke - infact I'd be eating it so fast that I'd probably not even taste half of what I'd be eating. Why is food an emmotional response to difficult times. That's something I'm going to be thinking about for a while and see if I can work out my own demons!
Sunday 11 April
Here I am again, early hours of the morning up doing my cleaning thing - I was asleep, woke up for the loo and got lost on the way back - bit bizzare seeing as the bathroom is ensuite but it always seems to happen. If I wake up then I end up downstairs checking it out before I can go back to sleep and 9 times out of 10 its a mess down there - must say though tonights mess was the worst I'd seen in a while - why do kids have to be so bloody messy? How come they can't just get some food and clean up after them selves??? Yup asking that though is asking for a miracle.
Strawberrys strawberrys and more strawberrys! They are my 'thing' at the moment and we are going through loads of them - bought 4 packs on saturday, 8 packs today and they are already gone, typical that the kids love them as much as I do - they are a super speed free food and since I realised that I've gone mad on them. Huge big ones, I spend ages in Asda sorting through the packs to find the biggest, reddest looking ones then cut them and wash them and they last in the fridge for about 2 hours only. I should have lost like 10kgs the amount I've eaten in the last few days.
I'm still really focused, did n't even bring myself any thing to much on after my mad OCD moment down stairs, just grabbed a bottle of water and came up, this is a huge thing for me as I love to munch in bed but I've only had good things lately and all within the plan.
Tomorrow would have been weigh day! I've decided I won't weigh though, just going to stick to the SW scales even though Thursday seems so very far away - I've been so good I must have lost a good few pounds.
Hubby has lost 3 kilos! Well wanted side effect of the healthy eating plan every one is following at the moment - think for him its mainly cause he has n't been drinking full fat coke, he loves it and could easily have 5-6 cans a day. I've only been buying the gold cans, fat free and caffeine free since I started on the plan and there is no sweets or chocolate in the house. Won't hurt him, he needs to lose around 20 killos anyway - that will take him back to what he was when we first got married. It's true what they say, marriage makes you feel relaxed and comfortable with your life and the weight creeps up. He's gained about 20 kilos since we have been married, that's terrible really - my fault alot of it cause I keep making things he loves and buying the bad things he should n't have. Systems all changed 4 weeks ago and its for the better for all of us. Nice to see us being more healthy as a family.
I made Cous Cous Cakes today - sorry I can't ever say that name for Bulgar Wheat without laughing. When my husbands mum came over from Iran when my youngest son was born I asked her once if she wanted Cous Cous - my oh my she looked like I had just stabbed her - me being as dizzy as I am completely forgot that Cous is a slang name of a certain body part of woman, no more details needed nor will they be forth coming, just work it out for yourself. Anyway back to the cakes. They were different to say the least, not horrible but certainly not something I would rush out to buy. There is a huge debate as to wether they are free or not as the cous cous is normally free but as with alot of things once they are cooked the values change. I'm not going to stress about it, won' be rushing to make them again!
Ok so its 2.30am, need to sleep, looking forward to another focus filled day and a load more strawberrys!
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