Sunday 14th March (Mothering Sunday)
Ok so finally I've decided it really is time to tackle this weight issue head on. Having been overweight all my life I don't know what its like to be slim - I've always joked, as probably have most over weight people about how great it would be to wake up one morning and suddenly be a size 8 - my response to that is if that happened to me and I tried to get out of bed I'd probably end up smacking into the wall in front of me cause I would feel as light as a feather and not realise it does n't need as much effort to get out of bed.
So here I am, about to start on my daily diet blog, not even sure people will bother to read it but maybe it might help me keep things clearer in my head, kind of like I'm talking to myself, something I do quite frequently - oh my that does n't sound great does it, not just an overweight chick but an overweight insane chick!
So what is going to stand in my way with this new life style of mine - having a husband who loves me as I am and does n't see the problem with me carrying the extra pounds (he does nt have to carry it all around does he, if he did he'd be the first one hitting slimming world!) 6 kids and all the temptation of the crisps and other yummy snacking stuff in the house probably won't help but I've got my determined head on my shoulders and I can do it.
I have a confession! Today being mothering sunday I headed off to Bradford with the flowers (lovely bouquet if I do say so myself) and a lovely box of Thornton's chocolate. Thinking for a moment how come I did n't get any chocolates for mother's day, although I was totally spoilt with flowers and gifts, nothing edible came my way! I digress, so on the way to Mothers house I realise that not only am I starving (definitely not literally) and that today was going to be the last day I could eat chocolate and all those yummy other things. The shops shut at 4pm on Sunday and to be honest, really could n't be bothered to go buying things. I apologise in advance mother for eating your chocolates on the way to give them to you - how shameful is that but I can justify it by saying better I eat them and put on the pounds than Mother cause I'm going on a diet tomorrow and can easily lose those pounds :p
Monday 15th March Day 1
The dreaded day has arrived, let those pounds melt away :P
I'm not going to reveal my starting weight, I'd rather walk over hot coals than do that but suffice to say arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh, still by the end of week one the numbers should start heading downwards. Monday will be the official weighing in day, I've taken the batteries out of my scales, don't want to become the scale monster like I normally so will be heading off to boots each monday with great anticipation.
Had my morning coffee, have to say it really did n't give me the hit I wanted cause I love my coffee made with milk but that's in the past, today it was regular coffee with a dash of milk and 3 splenda sweeteners - can't big that splenda up enough, it's the only sugar substitute that does n't taste like bleach - not that I've ever tasted it, just could n't think of anything else to put lol
So with good intentions breakfast was 2 eggs fried with fry light, beans and 2 slices of WW Danish toasted. Excellent meal, managed the toast and most of the eggs but only a few of the beans. How come is it when you are on a weight loss programme you think of food so much more than normal. Mid morning snack of grapes, not too many probably about 10, and a lunch of.... wait for it, so exciting, beans (yes more, thinking I might end up with a flatulence problem if I keep hitting the beans. TMI?) and smash!! I love smash, never forget those adverts from years ago with the metal robots. I could live off mash but I really out to find a way to spice it up a bit but still keep it free. Mid afternoon stuck some spuds in the oven, they looked like boulders they were that big, and headed off to Tesco to stock up on lots of 'yummy' free foods. How come the day I start a new plan, Tesco has so many offers on all the junk I love to eat... I did it, did n't fold and get anything I could n't eat freely - my poor kids, once the biscuits etc we have in the house are gone I'm buying no more, much better for them to be eating healthier too - I suffer so can they!
My jacket spud was so exciting, such a nice crisp skin to it but the tummy monster does n't agree with the skin so just had to make do with the inside, mixed with ............................................ beans! oh and a tiny bit of cheese. Think I might turn off the heating tonight :P Supper was yoghurt and an options hot chocolate.
What a fab day, so proud of me - Day one of a million more, best not get too excited yet :p
Tuesday 16th March Day
Morning coffee, slowly getting used to it. I'm wondering how many sins does coffee mate light have in it cause it might make the coffee taste better than dish water. Managed a small fruit salad for breakfast even though the gorgeous looking croissants on top of the fridge definitely sounded more appealing - weird though cause the fruit salad looked so much better visually as do all fruit and veg, the colour ranges in them never fail to amaze me, definitely starts the feel good factor in me!
Being the culinary specialist that I am I cooked up some pasta for lunch, just added some passata into the cooked pasta and then add a bit of grated cheese, it was surprisingly tasty, might be a bit more adventurous next time I make it and add some herbs, maybe some basil and garlic would go down nicely with it.
I like to try to keep busy cause if I'm not I start thinking and when I think I get hungry and end up raiding the fridge for anything I can find that remotely resembles good stuff. Haydar had nursery so I dropped him, went to tesco (again) and grabbed a few things. Actually a few heavy things like a water melon and 12 pints of milk. Left most of it in the car for the kids to bring in once they got home from school, see how lazy I am, actually it's not laziness, just can't carry heavy things without being in agony with my back. I'm hoping that as the pounds melt off I'll stop resembling a 90 year old woman and walk tall instead of hunching over and hurting in places I did n't think could actually hurt.
My problem times are evening, I used to bring a shopping bag to bed (as my husband calls it) loaded up with nice treats for me to eat once I'm in bed watching tv - sadly I'm a night eater, even wake up in the night and if there are snacks left over I'll eat them, even at 3 in the morning - hubby often asks me in the morning what i was doing cause he woke up to the noise of paper. Lesson for today, stop taking snacks to bed cause there is no way I'd be bothered to go down to the kitchen to get them. Beans and mash for dinner (again) followed by 2 yoghurt and an options hot chocolate. Middle of the night snack 2 bananas and a yoghurt!
Wednesday 17th March Day 3
Ok now today was a huge toughy and I'm so proud that I managed to get myself through it although I snacked pretty much all day but managed to snack on free foods only and foods I was allowed for Healthy extras etc. Wonder why some of us have dna that makes us eat and eat and become the size of the back-end of a bus and others can eat exactly what they please and look like a walking skeleton.
Had an urge today to drive all the way to boots to see if I have dropped any pounds but being as this is only day 3 I think I'm probably acting a bit premature! Decided not to go because if I did and I have n't lost I'd probably need sectioning! Kids should come with a warning label saying 'Kids can seriously damage your health.
I ate more today than I have done in so long but it was all good healthy stuff and lots of beans and stack loads of fruit.
I'm so proud of me, my hubby just does n't get this whole diet issue and insisted on trying to get me to taste some chocolate thingys that he had brough back from Iran and I won! How focused I am, I'm giving myself a gold star! Next time he tries to tempt me I'm gonna give him such a slap he'll never consider doing it again (kidding about the slap, I'm not a violent person usually!)
Thursday 18th March Day 4
So what is it with diets and going to the Loo - I've been so many times today that I've lost count, actually think I can't go any where tomorrow cause as soon as I've gone, I need to go again!
I was so busy today, did my usual chores and attacked my ironing so I did n't really eat anything till about 4pm when I had a big bowl of beans and mash again. I bought a book off eBay called 100 Green recipes so I'm going to look through that and find something different for me to make and eat cause I really need to lay off the beans.
Bananas on toast tastes amazing, I had some in the evening around 8pm and have made the huge decision that I will take no snacks to bed what so ever from now on, only a bottle of water - whats not next to me can't get eaten so that's the way forward for me! I'm so happy that I have some lovely ladies that I know supporting each other through this weight loss journey and hopefully we will succeed no matter how long it takes. Come on ladies we can do it.
So here I am making a list of all the things that a 'large' ladies struggles with and I mean 'large' not just a couple of stones overweight.
Plane seats, bus seats and cinema seats do they think we are all anorexic?
The ability to buy chocolate in shops with out people looking at you and you can see them thinking that's why you're fat luv!
Having to run a bath and not fill it much cause once you get in it the water is near the top of the bath lol
Going into a restaurant and ordering a coke and the waiter says will that be a diet coke madam?
Could go on and one but I'm off to enjoy my options hot chocolate and go to the loo yet again, I only went about 10 minutes ago!!
Friday 19th March Day 5
Apparently blogging can become addictive pffffft as if :P
Deep in thought this morning I was trying to work out where I've gone wrong so many times before (not got enough fingers to count them nor the mentality to go past 10 after yet another bowl of mash and beans!) Initially I seem to have great success and lose loads of pounds in the first couple of months then things go belly up and I start eating everything in sight thats edible - even I've not got to the desperate measures of chomping on cardboard or other inedible things) So how do I do it - quite simply I deprive myself of anything in this world that tastes good. No sins at all and often even cutting out the HEX but clearly this can't be maintained for long periods of time. This time (heard that before too) I'm going to do things differently, when I work out some different things to eat and allow myself to have some little treats now and then. One can only try to do things differently from things that have failed before.
I'm giving myself another gold star today! Not only do I still have chocolates in the car (blush and hangs head in shame), although they are getting fewer as each time a child gets in the car with me I'm force feeding them thorntons chocolates, I survived a trip to the drive through and I only had................. a fruit bag! whohooo yeah me! Putting that aside for a moment while I calm myself down, I've had a dark moment today, completely stupid and I'm over reacting I'm sure. I took my son to the park with my eldest daughter and after playing she took him to get him an icecream and I wanted a nice hot coffee with sweeteners - mmm she brought it to me, steaming hot, had a mouthful and realised it was actually a Latte!!! See my nose smells coffee and goes into over drive and I drank half of it, it was just a small one any way but now I actually feel traumatised not just cause I had a latte but I dont know how many sins it is or if I could use it out of my milk allowance. I'm a control freak in these situations and the not knowing keeps me thinking about it - don't worry I'm not going to spiral off in a downward motion and stuff myself silly with icecream but it showed me how I really need to know the value of everything that I put in my mouth or it leaves me feeling disturbed (how come I keep referring to myself in moments of insanity??) Would n't be so bad if I'd eat a mars bar and was freaking out over it but a coffee, come on!
Its hubby's birthday on sunday and that means cake! Not just any cake but the gorgous fresh cream sponge cake that I get from the Pakistani bakery. Its just melt in your mouth kind of stuff but I will take control and I won't have any (seriously) I was thinking if I could justify not getting him a cake cause I'm on a diet or justify it again with the, you could do with losing a few pounds hunney so I've done you a favour and not got you a cake but I think thats actually a bit mean so I''ll be the one in control and make sure I cut extra large portions so that there is none left for me too drool over later in the day.
Forward planning, now thats the key - as a friend and diet buddy told me today and how right is she so I'm going to be working on a menu for next week from my books so I can add lots of variety in to my diet but still keep me on the plan. This week I'm just settling in so I can handle beans and mash for a while - not sure hubby can though but I can always blame it on Haydar and a stinky nappy :p
To be continued tonight!
There was n't much to write about in the evening, it was pretty uneventful as far as the diet goes, treated myself to bananas on toast and an options hot chocolate that actually tasted pretty bad to be honest but it had a taste that somewhat resembled chocolate so there was no way I was going to waste it. I also ate pineapple, well actually loads of pineapple, so much that my mouth and lips felt like they did n't belong to me and my tongue felt like it was pretty much capable of walking off by its self.
Oh something exciting did happen (pretty worrying that this was the highlight of my day). I bought hifi bars! For those not in the know, these are kind of cereal bars that are made by slimming world and take the place of one healthy extra or 6 sins - these were actually sent from heaven if you ask me cause they are just mouthwatering (hell I'm getting worried, get a grip girl these are just cereal bars!) The orange and chocolate ones are just awesome - I've not eaten one, I've just put the packets on the side and so far have just looked at them - these bars are a pound for 3 from slimming world but I bought mine from ebay and they cost around a pound each! Expensive treat but so worth it, I'm going to savour the moment when I eventually have one, for now they have pride of place on top of the microwave for when I'm having a really really desperate moment. I have even got a new flavour to try, fruit flap jack with cranberries, I'm sure its not going to be as exciting as the chocolate and orange ones but never the less still a treat. I've actually had a thought that I might give my old slimming world counsellor a ring and see if I can buy some from her, they have to be cheaper but then I think 'hello I don't want to come to your class but can I buy some hifi bars from you cheaply' may be a bit cheeky, still nothing lost nothing gained I'm gonna give it a go.
Now I'm thinking about why am I not actually going to a class?? For one, I've been to so many of this lady's classes and fell on the first week, I think twice I went and came home and had a mars bar lol and to be honest I really don't have the time, most of the classes are early evening when everything is really frantic at home (do I sound convincing or is it just a feeble excuse) T he other class she does is at 9.3o in the morning and any one that knows me will know I'm just not good at doing mornings. I think I'll ring her, maybe she might have a solution??
Right going off now, another successful day and only 2 days till weigh in and for the first time in my life I will have gone a whole week on a diet programme without weighing myself every day. I get obsessed with it - I mean really obsessed. In the past I've taken to driving EVERY day to the nearest boots which is n't round the corner just to weigh myself so this is a huge achievement for me, there should be a sticker made for this purpose, 'I'm no longer a scale junkie'. On that note I need to pee again!
Saturday 20th March Day Day 6
Ha I got rid of them, the offending chocolates in the car are gone - I'm sure my daughter and her friend thought I had gone quite barmy when I thrust this half eaten box of chocolates into their face and said FINISH THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. They did quite a good job, just left those awful Turkish Delight ones that taste like washing up liquid so I did n't feel guilty about throwing them in the bin - sorry to any one that would have enjoyed them but had they been caramels or truffles I'd have saved them but turkish delights ewww does any one really eat them?
Having just munched my way through a pack of cream cheese and chive mini ryvita (one b healthy extra choice) I thought I'd come on here and see what inspiration would flow from my fingers - my husband calls them little sausages but they are most deffinately fingers!
I took a bit of time today to refresh myself and go through the plan and give myself a remindeR of what is free food, healthy extras and sins etc cause I felt I needed to add a bit of spice to things. Only so much pineapple and beans and mash one person can eat after all. (just to add, not all at the same time lol) Typing out parts of the plan for my facebook group actually helped cause it made me remember a few things I'd forgotten. For example the ryvita mini snack bags - they may not sound like much of a thrilling choice of snack to the average person but to me they were the ultimate biz today - now I did something that perhaps I should nt have which was buy a pack of 6 cause they are tempting, strangely enough more tempting than chocolate right now but I will NOT have any more and WILL stick to one pack a day - a useful way of using up a healthy extra.
I thought about having a bath today - dont get excited, I dont mean it to sound like its a rare happening! I shower every day, actually sometimes twice a day - I remember years and years ago being in a supermarket and this circle lady (I'll explain later but for now it means fat lol) come past me and she was most deffinately a very large circle and sorry to be graffic but she stunk! Dont know what she stunk of to be honest but I'll never forget the smell and to me its the large circle smell. I think before I go on I should explain about the 'circle' business. A very good friend of mine, who is large has a 4 year old son and quite innocently he asked her one day, mummy why are you a circle and why is daddy a rectangle??? Having a rather skinny husband it draws to the conclusion that circles are fat people and rectangles are skinny people - since then I refer to myself as a circle - not a semi circle but a full blown circle, infact I could probably go as far to say that I'm two circles lol. Blimey I've just realised that I waffle as much when I'm typing as I do when I'm talking. I digress.. so back to the bath thing, as I was saying I shower every day sometimes twice a day as I always get the impression that rectangles expect circles to smell bad and there is no way on t his earth I would get myself into a state where people could walk past me and go ewwwwwwww... so I thought about having a bath today, infact I got quite excited and thought that maybe now I could have a bath and be able to put more than a foot of water in it without it over flowing after I got in - had to then remind myself I'm on day 6, not year 6
I had a discussion today with a friend, the very same friend with the circle or rectangle son. We were discussing the fat gene and how we became fat. I felt quite happy that by the end of the discussion it was decided that I probably had the fat gene and she did nt. See I've been a circle since being a small child. Photos from the age of around 2 show me starting to get on the tubby side and seeing as at that age I was n't responsible for what food or drink I put in my mouth and that my mother did n't feed me on liquid chocolate there for it stands to reason I could n't have been responsible for being a circle. My circular friend however is - she did n't start gaining weight till her teenage years, by then she was old enough to make the right, or in this case the wrong choices and is there for guilty for every bit of food and drink that passed her lips! Hahaha rather a silly explanation for a very complicated concept but as it was in my favour I'll keep that one lol. I'm a circle cause I have the fat gene whohoooooo, all those years of guilt for my food abuse is melting away.................................. NOT!
The majority of rectangles think that circles have to eat and eat to get fat - well maybe that might be the case initially but I've read so many articles about this and it is really suprising how few more calories a fat person has to eat than normal to continue to gain weight. Maybe it's because we move less and store more I don't know but it seems a tad unfair really does n't it, we are doomed from all angles. There is the conception that really fat people sit and stuff there faces all day but that's not always true. I for one do not sit and stuff my face all day. I just eat the wrong things and in comparison to a lot of people I don't really seem to eat many more calories than they do but could it be that it matters from what kind of food those calories come from - as mine come mostly from chocolate and coke then that could actually be a valid explanation!
So I've made it through another day whoohooo! Mind you I'm having a bit of a munchy hour, feel really quite hungry so I've just snacked on a fat-free yoghurt and a banana but it has n't really hit the spot - A while ago people were selling sprays and patches that stunk of chocolate and supposedly if you had a sniff of it, it would stop you craving it - I think I'd have to be covered in patches from head to toe for them to have any benefit at all. Seriously how can smelling something satisfy a craving - if I walk into a bakery and I can smell the bread and cakes cooking I don't suddenly think oh yes that's great and bang I don't fancy a big f at eclair now - on the contrary, I start to drool and my stomach starts talking to me - why put yourself through that, has the world gone mad, coz with the amount of people addicted to chocolate etc we'd all be walking round with patches top to bottom - something just occurred to me, if you can sniff chocolate and you stop craving it why not just buy a bloody big bar of Cadbury's milk chocolate and sit there sniffing it - much cheaper idea I think although being such a bright spark I've realised that sniffing actual chocolate to beat a craving probably would n't work cause the chocolate is there right in your face and it would take a far stronger person than me not to fold and eat the chocolate in 30 seconds flat! It's not something I'd like to experiment on either just incase. You know you can get that horrible tasting stuff that people put on nails to stop them biting them, could n't they develop something like that for chocolate, would probably only take half a dozen times of tasting something that bad to be put off chocolate for life? Or would it lol I'm such a crack pot only I can think of these things.
Hubby's birthday tomorrow so I've got the joys of looking at a lovely sponge birthday cake while every one eats it or maybe if I just sit there sniffing it I might get put off - mind you I'd probably be sectioned because it really is n't the done thing to sit there sniffing at someones cake while being watched by friends and family.
Phrase of the day - Eat to live, not Live to eat! :D
Sunday March 21 Day 7
Whohoooo I made it through the first week!! I have to say I'm really quite proud of myself and I'm not in the slightest bit worried about weighing in tomorrow cause I've been so good I have to have lost weight!!
Took hubby out for lunch today as its his birthday and I was even good there. I made sure I took my time and thought about what was the best thing for me to eat without ruining all my good work - in the end I had grilled fish (healthy extra) steamed basmati rice which is free and a bit of bread that I can sin - but all in all good choice for me.
Hubby was really happy with his b-day present, a ps3, was worried he would n't like it cause he's always so busy and does n't get much time for this kind of thing but his smile light up the room, well chuffed! I think that my mother holds the record for the most bizarre present ever! I'm actually still in disbelief as I'm typing it - here's what you buy a man who already has anything - you go to morrisons, pick up a gift bag, a lemon, a lime and a packet of breadcrumbs and................... a packet of smoked salmon, fresh salmon and some other kind of fish????? Lucky he likes fish lol - luv you mum that one has to be the best ever! I have to say the gift bag was pretty cool though, it had a birthday cake on it and when you pressed the buttons the candles lit up!! I assure every one that as far as I am aware my mum still remains perfectly sane (I think)
Thought for today.... The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook
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