Friday 4th March - Week 2 All Systems go!

Friday 4th March

All systems go my arse! Today went completely belly up and it started so well then things beyond my control destroyed it :@ Planned to go out costco and have lunch there as they do great jacket potatoes so had nothing to eat, went and did the shopping and was starving by the time we got to costco and of course they had no bloody jacket potatoes - first time ever!! Hubby and every one was starving so they said they would go to subway and I said I'd wait to eat till I got home but sitting in Subway was just waaaaaaay too tempting and one tuna sub later I was feeling pretty miffed at myself so consoled myself with a chocolate bar and by then it was like what's the point, tomorrow is another day so guiltlessly tucked into pizza for dinner with every one as we had guests! All good intentions and all that - shucks, fresh start tomorrow! BUT I have to say in my defence I did n't indulge in the bottles of full fat coke that came with the pizza and stuck to my pepsi max! Yeah me!

Thursday 3rd March 2011 - Fresh Start Week 1

Week 1 (Again!)

Yikes, how long has it been since I blogged and how much has happened in that time!



Obviously the most significant occurance is that I've had a baby - the reason I stopped blogging, stopped slimming world oh and insignificantly stopped living for 7 months! I had the pregnancy from hell and while all good intentions were to carry on with SW during the pregnancy with a view to at least having maintained by the end of it, it did n't happen. I was so ill during the pregnancy that there were days where I could n't lift my head off my pillow without throwing up! Said baby arrived 12 weeks early after several long hospital stays and a very traumatic and dramatic delivery. Pleased to say though that I was actually 6lb lighter after she was born than when I stopped following the plan so I think that's a pretty good achievement (for me it's a bloody miracle!)

So it's my intention to start going back to group tonight! It will be the first time I'll have stopped going to group and actually go back lighter than when I left - usually I wait till I've piled all the weight that I lost, and more, back on before going back so this is a new experience for me. I can't say that I'm highly motivated right now but I'm hoping after going tonight my enthusiasm will at least be at a level where when I get out of bed tomorrow I head for a syn free sausage and egg sandwich rather than doritos and salsa with a can of full fat coke for breakfast!

I've ordered my shopping, did it online, could n't be arsed actually going into tesco to get all that healthy stuff and today I'm kind of like a locust going round emptying the cupboards of all things nice that will tempt me off the straight path - of course I'm eating it all, could n't be seen to be wasteful, that would just be criminal and I do have to make the most of my last free day of gluttony! Although I have to say in my defence, despite being off plan I've never returned to my pre last SW experience glutton! Still not crazy over chocolate and sweet stuff, seem to have come full circle and become a savory type of girl - long may that last! Red Full Fat Coke - ohhhhhhhh my that's my downfall and my fridge is now home to the shiny gold caffeine free cans, don't have the same appeal but that alone will make a huge difference - I dont want to think about how many calories are in the 5+ cans a day I've been drinking, ignorance is bliss and I'd much rather be in denial, besides, it's all irrelevant now cause after today its gold all the way!

I'll let you know how group goes today and from tomorrow I'll be back to doing my regular daily blog and food diary - not for any one elses benefit but for mine, it seems to keep me on track and if others want to read it then then good for them!

So I went to group - in all honesty it bored the hell out of me cause nothings changed and I can 't even begin to remember the amount of times I've sat through that new member talk arghhhh - still I've only put on 7.5 pounds since August last year which I'm quite chuffed about having been away for so long and having had a little sproglett too - plus bonus was I was allowed to carry on where I left off so I'm down as still 4 and a half stone off whoop whoop so bonus all round.

Off now to make the most of my last night - want to eat so much but not really fancying anything and got nothing really naughty in - need to have my last few cans of red coke though before going back onto the gold stuff - looking forward to tomorrow, NOT MUCH!

Friday 4th March

This diet lark is n't funny when you've got nothing 'diet' in and you are waiting for tesco to deliver your shopping which incidently is n't coming till this afternoon!

So far so good though, making the best of what I have in and had a nice cooked breakfast and some fruit to snack on plus a hi fi bar - keep thinking to myself gonna go et something to eat then suddenly remember I am on plan lol, need to retrain my thought!

Breakfast

2 Bananas and a Nectarine

Lunch

Vegeterian Sausages x 2 (2 syns each), beans, scrambled egg and 1 tbs tomato ketchup

Fat free yoghurt

Dinner

Syn free sweet chilli and jacket potato

Snacks

Banana, Hifi Bar


Saturday 5th March

Been craving stew since wednesday so went out early and bought loads of veg to make a hearty stew. Shoved it all in the slow cooker and left it in all day.

Did n't really have much time to think about food today because it was so hectic - had loads of visitors - brother came up with his family and had the nurse over to see the baby then hubby had visitors and my sister in law came too so it was a case of just grabbing what I could when I could. I tried extra easy for the first time today, properly and I loved it - deffinately going to be doing that more frequently if not all the time. It will be really interesting to see what my weightloss will be like. Can't really use the first week as a base cause you always lose more in the first week so will wait till the end of the second week to assess if it works for me. If it does then wow, this diet plan just gets easier and easier to follow and it really makes me wonder why more people are n't doing it and are n't more successful on it - pfttttttt Weight Watchers, all that counting weighing and measuring, hell no thanks, I'm a Slimming World Gal through and through!

Breakfast

2 Slices of WW Bread, 1 egg, 3 rashers qorn bacon (3 syns), 1 Tbs tomato Ketcheup, 1 Tbs of olive oil

Dinner

Syn free lamb casserole with potatos (lamb, carrots, onion, suede, leeks, stock)

Snacks

Banana, Highfi bar (6 syns), Fat free yoghurt, Salad

Sunday 6th March

Well what can I say about today except 'DISASTER'

It was n't intentional it was circumstance (like to tell myself that). Spent most of the day at a friends house - she cooked but I hardly ate anything so by the time we were leaving to go home I was starving so when hubby decided to stop at KFC (rarely get that as there are no halal KFC's near us, the closest one is by said friends house!) the temptation was too much to resist - I was good though, did n't eat the skin! Had a few chocolates at my friends house too but you know what, I'm not going to beat myself up about it cause it's just one day and I'll be back on track tomorrow!

Monday 7th March

I've not eaten enough today! I've been so busy from the minute I got up till now, 2am the following morning that I was just grabbing what I could when I could. Infact how I actually remembered to eat at all today is a miracle. Baby was playing up and every time I thought about eating she started crying, think she has her period cause she was moody as hell!

I intend (all things going according to plan of course) to cook some soup - I've loads of veg in the fridge that needs using up and I bought it for that purpose but just have n't go round to it yet so going to set half an hour aside to do that fingers crossed.

Breakfast

Coffee!! Terrible I know

Lunch

2 eggs fried in fry light, 2 slices qorn bacon and baked beans, 1 tbs of tomato ketchup (3 syns total)

Dinner

Small amount syn free chilli and golden rice

Snacks

Fat free yoghurt, 1 packet of riveta mini, satsuma and pinapple.

No A cnoice and only 1 B choice on a green day tut tut, need to get all my healthy choices in tomorrow.

Tuesday 9th March

Crikey my life seems to have become totally manic over the last week, don't have time to fart never mind anything else, will be glad when it all settles down. It's my own doing, can't stop decorating and rearranging the house. I mean don't get me wrong, keeping busy is good to a certain degree cause it stops me eating and it stops me thinking about food all the time - man that makes me sound like a junkey hahahaa but being as busy as I am is affecting how I'm eating my meals so I need to sort that.

Have you noticed that when you are on a diet - or healthy eating plan, diet is of course a swear word, that all you actually do is think about food! If your not eating it your planning what your going to do, if your not planning you're shopping for it and if your not shopping for it, you're eating it! My whole life revolves around food - man it was n't before but then I guess I did n't think then about what I ate, I just ate it lol and pretty much ate it all day without a second though. I've become obsessed, I wake up dreaming about fried eggs and qorn bacon and I'm not usually a big breakfast eater - mind you I say breakfast but it's usually around 12 that I actually get to eat it.

Hmm so lets see what was on the menu for today

Breakfast

2 eggs friend in fry light, qorn bacon and baked beans - Heinz ketchup

Lunch

Jacket spud with sweeet corn and tuna and 2 tbs of extra light mayonnaise.

Dinner

Sandwich made with 3 slices of ww bread, qorn beef slices, cucumber, tomato and lettuce

Snacks

Fat free yoghurt, satsuma, 1oz of chedder cheese.

Wednesday 9th March

Today was even more busy than yesterday - I've been running around all day long and did n't even get chance to eat till about 3pm. I made a veg soup for the first time - well I say soup but it was probably more like a stew, loads of veg with barley and lentils so it was nice and thick, I bet it would have been lovely with some chicken in it... hmmm next time I think.

Lunch (3pm) Veg stew

Dinner (11.30pmg) Veg Stew

Snacks

Grapes, melon, fat free yoghurt, 1oz cheddar cheese and a packet of ryveta minis.

OOOooohhh weigh in tomorrow, think I'll go wax my legs, that will guarantee me at least a pound off LOOOOOOOOOOl

Thursday 10th March

So today was the first big weigh in and I knew that no matter what I lost I was going to be happy, as long as the scaled showed a loss. I used to dream of huge big weight losses but I know this time round I'm here for the long haul - there will be nothing to stop me continuing to my goal now, except me. No babies nothing so I've no excuse, if things go wrong I'll only have myself to blame so as long as each week something comes off, even just a pound I'll be happy, after all every pound off is going to be a pound off for life - it has to be cause I don't want to be on this journey of up and down poundage for the rest of my life - I want to get to where I want to be and stay there and be happy and be able to concentrate on something else in my life - my weight has always beens such a major issue in my life, I can't imagine now having it as a problem but oh my how wonderful it will be to be able to finally wake up each morning and not think, arghhhhhhhhhhh I'm so fat I need to change it but to be able to look in the mirror and like and be content with what I see - It's going to happen, and I'll keep telling my self that till it finally does.

I had another really hectic day, I'm hoping that this next week will be a little less manic and I'll have more time to concentrate on me - that's if you can actually do that with 7 kids!

Soooooooooooo the big weigh in - yup yup 4lb off for me so I'm really chufffed with that. I have had a week to mess around now and work out how I'm going to be eating and to cut out all the bad stuff - there's been a couple of things that have gone wrong this week that I want to sort out for next week and keep off the naughty stuff and hopefully next week I'll have a loss too - no KFC would be a good place to start and 3 regular meals a day. I think I'm going to stick to my green days - it's what I know and what I'm used to and also what I know works for me - I'll throw in the odd EE day but primarly I think I'm still and always will be a green girl!

No breakfast!!!

Lunch - Home made vegetable stew

Dinner Syn free Lamb casserole with potatos

Snacks Hifi bar, grapes, Mugshot and 1/4 of a cheese burger! (tut tut)

On the Run (Blame Fruit + Veg) Week 18

Monday 12th July

Pee Pee Pee and Pooh Pooh Pooh!! That's all I seem to be doing at the moment and while I know that it's a good thing, it's driving me mental!! I did n't even dare go out today cause I could n't stop and sometimes I can go and need to go again within 5 minutes arghhhhhhhhhhhh.

I was a good girl today on my diet, got up, did all the cleaning up then chilled out with Haydar, I do like mondays because he does n't go to nursery and I'm able to relax with him - I say relax, he has me running all over the place but not having to worry about getting dressed and going out.

I did consider taking Haydar out to the park but for the first day in I don't know how long it was chucking it down, did n't even get any washing on the line it that was wet and I actually turned on the heating cause I was cold.

So food on the menu today was

Breakfast Fat free yoghurt, Banana, Peach, SF Jelly

Lunch Sweet and Sour mugshot and 2 boiled eggs

Dinner Sweedish Meatballs in a tomato and pepper sauce with spaghetti

Snacks 2 Alpen light bars (HEX B), SF Jelly and Fat free yoghurt, melon.

Tuesday 13th July

Haydar was a lazy monkey today and I got fed up waiting for him to get up so I went downstairs and started cleaning up - he loves his sleep, just wish he would sleep earlier at night instead of till 10am in the morning lol Still at least I managed to get some things done without him running around destroying my hard work before I've even finished!

Reallyl fancied a good breakfast but was n't in the mood to cook so just stuck to melon and yoghurt and just grabbed and Alpenlight bar for lunch.

Had to go to school today to watch an award ceramony so got my nice maxi dress on and even decided to do some before shots for my weightloss journey album. I have a grumble - how come shops always assume cause you've got a big body you have to have big boobs!!!! I shamefully do not anywhere near fill my maxi dress bosom part!!! Need to get the socks out I think NOT LOL. Mind you if I lose any more weight from that area I'll end up a B cup and a laughing stock!! I would n't want to have hugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee melons but I'd deffinately like a big more up top than what I've got sheeeesh!

Needed to go and get a few things from Asda but could n't be arsed, will go tomorrow after I've dropped Haydar at nursery - I'm after some ready cut chips for my SW chips, been fancying them for a few days so I'll make some of them tomorrow afternoon.

Had a sneaky look at the scales today - if I'm lucky I'll get my 4.5 stone award on Thursday - whohooooo I'll be so chuffed if I do. Just imagine had I have not started this jorney I'd probably be two stone heavier or more than I was back in march - feeling good good good :P

So food for today.

Breakfast Banana, Activia Fat Free Yoghurt, Melon, 1 boiled egg

Lunch - Alpen light bar (1/5 HEX B)

Dinner - Savoury Golden Rice and Chick pea dhal - was yummy

Snacks Solero (5 syns) Melon Strawberries Fat free yoghurt.

Wednesday 14th July

Today was a mixed day - was a bit up and down. I had a fairly busy morning, cleaning up sorting out etc. Leila was n't at school cause she was n't feeling to well bless her.

Went on a mission to find boxer shorts for Haydar after I dropped him at nursery but tried 4 or 5 places and was n't able to find any small sizes so had to order them online at Next when I got home, hopefully they will be here tomorrow. Went to asda to get some shopping and started feeling pretty rubbish while I was in there - felt dizzy and sick, not sure if that was down to not having eaten since breakfast and only haven eaten fruit and some yoghurt. Ate something as soon as I came home and felt a bit better but by the evening I was n't feeling that great again. Rain, oh boy did it rain in the evening. Not only did it rain, it was thundering and had a fantastic show of lightening!.

Thursday 15th July

I'm knackered!!!! Haydar was up in the night throwing up. It was about 4am and I had n't been able to sleep anyway so think it was about 3am when I finally dropped off - bless him, hate it when the kids are poorly but I'd rather he be poorly during the day lol - he seemed much better during the day though although he can't go to nursery for 2 days. Tried to get stuff done in the house in the morning although I really was n't in the mood too but got some stuff done which was good.

Had an appointment at the doctors at lunch time, it was one of those that seemed to go on forever - left Adham minding Haydar in the waiting room which he really struggled with and both of them ended up in the room with me before I was done! Quick trip to Tesco to grab a couple of things and then continental to get a chicken for dinner.

Weigh in today whohooo another 2.5 pounds off, wanted more but happy with that, a loss is a loss and it will all add up in the end. Gonna try to get my next shiny for next week, think I deserve it and still to be losing weight in my situation is deffinately worth a pat on the back!

Totally knackered was the only way to put the night, came home from group, where we had had such a laugh and grabbed a shower and wanted to sleep but it did n't happen, now there is a suprise NOT! Think it was finally about 2am before I slept.

Food on the menu today was

Breakfast Banana and Fat free yoghurt and a coffee

Lunch Tuna salad with Heinz lowest fat salad cream.

Dinner Jacket potato with Beans, melon and grapes.

Snacks 1 Alpen light bar (HEX B) Small amount Roast Chicken (HEX B)

On a roll!! Week 17

Monday 5th July

Woke up this morning and tried to motivate myself to get moving and do some housework and I did quite well today - decided to attack my wardrobes, the two upstairs bathrooms and my bedroom - needless to say I did n't get downstairs till about 2pm and then I attacked the ironing till about 7!! Still got loads of stuff to catch up on but slowly slowly.

It's funny how our view on things change - I sorted all my clothes out today - more than 30 pairs of jeans I've got which is totally rediculous and I know now with the weight that I've lost I can get into probably all of them except 3 pairs but I've no desire to wear them. I used to love my jeans but for some reason I've decided that they make me look bigger and I've took them all out of my wardrobe and put them away in a drawer. I was looking at old pictures of myself today and to be honest, there aren't that many body shots cause I've always done my damndest to avoid having them taken but there are a few horrors lurking out there and in most of them I'm wearing jeans and I look more than awful - my legs are huge and I now don't think it's a good look at all. Think I'm liking sticking to my long gypsy skirts, new to me for sure, my trousers and long tops and maxi dresses - funny how our tastes change. Think I might even put all my jeans up on ebay to get rid of them - well might keep a couple of favourite pairs but don't think I'll be wearing them.

I've put together a few pictures for me to refer to for my before and after (when I get there) pics and they are horrendous, I'm so looking forward to say 6 months from now cause there will be a huge difference by then - its really exciting, good times ahead!

Right, nothing much more to say, just going to chill out and watch some tv I think before trying to sleep, I'm shattered.

Good night my lovlies xxx

Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday

I have n't posted here for a few days cause I've been feeling pretty down and miserable and not motivated to do anything at all really. I've not been on plan at all, I've eaten pretty much what I want when I want it. It's down to shear laziness. I've been wallowing in self pity all week but one thing that I have noticed - it's not a small thing either, its huge, huge for me. In my past when I've been down and miserable I'd have eaten exactly what I wanted and I'd have headed for the biscuits, sweets, chocolate, icecream and so on but I've not done that at all. I've eaten things like extra alpen light bars or snack a jacks. When I say I've totally been off plan, thinking about it now, I have n't really eaten 'bad' stuff just more than what I should have been eating of other stuff so my half pound gain at SW probably was quite realistic.

I'm going to do things very differently next week - lots of salad, vegetable stews etc and see if it makes a difference - I'm not a great veg fan, medeterranean veg etc but the more I eat them then I guess I'm going to get more used to them so that's my plan - will see how it turns out x


Friday 9th July

I've turned the corner - today was a really successful day in more ways than one! Food wise it was great, I stuck to what I was planning and had a day full of veg and fruit - did a really nice vegetable stew with cous cous for dinner and although I admit I really was n't looking fowrard to it - courgettes just don't do it for me - don't think they taste of much but they just look so crap when they are cooked but I have to admit I loved it and would deffinately make it again. Even hubby ate it, his kgs are dropping off too so this new lifestyle is good for him too - I say new life style but its hard to believe it's already been 4 months since we started it, or I started, he started following a while later and is slowly getting there. It's pretty much normal now, I no longer think in terms of chocolate and crap, can't rememeber the last time I even craved a chocolate bar or a full tub of icecream. Tastes have changed, I can't say it will be forever but it's happening now and that is all I live for - take each day as it comes and each day that is a success brings me to a healthier future.

I used to worry about peoples attitudes towards me after my bypass when I 'failed' yet again. Used to think they must think I'm a waste of space that I can't even lose weight after a second wls - that 6 stone that dropped off so quickly should have been the key to me carrying on with the loss but in truth that 6 stone was recovery weightloss. You physically can't eat after surgery so you are going to lose weight but after a few months that changes and after so long on mush it is so easy to start that slipperly slope again. Mine started with a wotsit!! A bloody wotsit :( Pinched one of Haydar's then it was oh one more won't hurt and bang, off I went. All kinds of crap started creeping back in and I stopped standing on the scales and once I was back on the full fat coke I knew the whole thing was going to be a disaster! The surgery was n't for me, I admit it although I did have to have surgery done to correct the damage that had been done from the first surgery and that has had a positive effect. At least now I can eat proper food - still not great with meat but I can eat most other things, true not in the vast quantities that i would often like and some things are more easy on the tum than others but I can no longer use the 'I can't eat good stuff' as an excuse cause I can and I do now - yeah I DO!!!!! If I can stick to keeping more of this fresh food in my diet, food cooked from scratch and not out of a tin it will just keep getting more and more better. I do see a point where I'll be able to practically eat anything, including meat, don't think it will ever be in large quantities but it would be nice to be able to have a chicken breast or a home cooked burger here and there - wow I could even have the odd Red day, I have n't done a red day since the first time I did slimming world just after my youngest twins were born!!

I was feeling so much more positive today - did n't spend the day wallowing, got up and did the stuff I needed to do and felt so much better for it - it shows how easy it is to sink into depression - it's been nearly 2 weeks when I've been feeling down and I could so easily have continued with that had I have not shook myself up today - I'm not going there again, I know how it feels to be at rock bottom and I've got so much to be happy and greatful for in my life that I won't go there again!! It's strange how actually getting up and doing things, even if it's things we don't like
such as house work and food shopping.

We went out to Costco in the evening, gosh I have n't been there in ages but we needed to get a few things that mum wanted before we dropped Adham off for the weekend. Yaz & Chris came with us cause they wanted to see mum too and we stayed there quite late, till around 11 or so then dropped Chris off home before taking Yaz to Tesco - it's her and Chris' anniversary tomorrow so they are going to scarborough for the day - who said romance is dead???

Anyway I'm thinking from now on I'm going to put a food diary on here so I can keep a track of what I'm eating and where I'm going wrong so for today it was

Breakfast Gala Melon and Coffee
Lunch Tuna Salad with 2 Boiled eggs and Heinz extra light Salad cream (2 syns)
Dinner Moroccan Vegetable Stew with Cous Cous

Snacks through the day - fat free yoghurt, banana, cherries, lychees and Strawberries.

Saturday 10th July

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaha another good day for me!! I always feel so motivated and good when I've made good choices and eaten good foods.

I kept myself really busy today, di dn't plan to but started sorting out my utility room and it went on from there. Ended up totally rearranging my dining room and it looks so much better, really happy with it now. Even took the curtains and swag down and washed them - how good am I!!!

Hubby has gone o ut for the evening, taken the boys to see the Eclipse so I'm having a chill out with Haydar and Leila cause Yaz is at Chris' house for the night. Leila did n't want to go cause she's going to see it with Yaz and her dad next weekend and did n't want to spoil their plans. Think I'm going to enjoy my tea and then head off and have a bath, been ages since I did that, usually prefer to have a nice cool shower in this weather but just fancying a soak.

right think that's it for the day -

Today's food diary is as follows



Breakfast Coffee made with SS Milk then a little later Cherries & Water Melon
Lunch Moroccan vegetable stew with white rice
Dinner Jacket potato with baked beans and tuna fish
Snacks in the day Peaches, Cherries, Melon, fat free yoghurt.

Sunday 11th July

I'm deffinately on a roll and feeling grrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeat!! Despite not sleeping that well last night, naughty boys playing with their toys all bloody night (computer and laptops!!) and making too much noise was the main reason for that, I still managed to have a positive and upbeat day. Again I kept really busy, spent loads of hours doing the ironing and inbetween that mending some trousers etc that needed fixing. They've only needed doing for about 6 months. Actually wasted my time cause one pair was fixed and ironed and then had to go in the too big pile, they almost fell to the ground when I put them on - oh yeahhh oh yeahhhh!!

Food wise I was really good again - lots of super free speed foods, beans, vegetables, kidney beans etc - very good for the slimming world plan but not sure that it's so good for my bowels lol - never pooped so much in my life, I better have a good loss this week or ther will be trouble :P

I was naughty today - despite not really needing any new clothes - oh except knickers cause mine are all one size, HUGE! and they keep falling down, I had a bit of a shopping spree and spent about £250 on some new clothes. Did buy some of them in smaller sizes but bought a few in the size I'm in now but thats ok cause they will last for a long while - you can get away with wearing bigger tops but not trousers etc. Can't wait for the stuff to come, I treated myself to some really nice outfits and it will be good to buy clothes that I can actually fit into intsed of buying things, trying them on and them being too small and shoving them to the back of the wardrobe thinking, they'll fit me one day huh, I've got clothes in my wardrobe that I bought 3 years ago and did n't fit and I did that - couple more stone and they should be fine - I'm terrible, I never like to send things back hence why I've got more clothes than I'm actually happy to admit to.

So what was on the menu today?

Breakfast Coffee made with SS Milk, Peaches and Water melon
Lunch Baked Beans with 2 eggs fried in frylight
Dinner Syn Free Sweet Chilli with Jacket Potato

Snacks Hifi Bar (HEX B) Kellogs Fibre Extra Bar (HEX B) Peaches, Banana, Pommegranite, Boiled Egg, Melon.

Monday 28th June


haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa fooled you all NOT I know I know just wanted to see how that would feel to type it - did consider setting my target at the weight I'm at now just to be able to say that and then change it, ha I'm mental, do I care? NO!! LOL

Ok so I'm a bit hyper today must be the weather or something in the water lol.

I was pretty much hyper from the time I woke up, started cleaning the bathroom and then went on to scrub the dining room carpet, clean the skirting boards, wipe the doors down, won't bore you with all the details lol but I'll suffer for it later.

I tried to go shopping today, clearly it was n't meant to be. Went to Asda for lunch and was planning to do the shopping after that - just as we finished two women decided to beat the crap out of each other and there was police and security where running all over the store!!! Eventually that settled down and we started shopping, 10 minutes later an alarm started sounding and me being me just carried on shopping till over the mic we were told to evacuate the store in an orderly fashion. I wanted to take my half full trolley with me but was kindly instructed to leave it where it was, spoil sports really ruined my day!! Went outside, sat in the car for a minute then decided Fudge it! I'm going home, and went. I've got a wonderful hubby though, sent him to Asda on the way home from work even though of course he got the wrong bloody things!

Was good on plan, I'm such a star, haha, feeling good good good!! Actually I dont know what's wrong with me today but I'm going to stop now cause my hubby is threatening to block facebook, minimins, and my blog, he's feeling a little neglected sheeeeeesh, men no pleasing them is there.

night night my lovelies xxxx

Tuesday 29th June

I was on a go slow today - the weather was rubbish this morning and it made me not want to do very much at all. Managed to get one load of washing hung up, the utility room looked like a chinese laundery. Mind you it did brighten up as the day went on, weather wise but stress wise it went up and up and up.

I managed to get a little nap in the afternoon which is really rare for me cause usually the door knocks or the phone rings so I was pretty pleased about that and I really did need it. Hubby came home from work early not feeling well so I went to get Haydar from nursery and decided to go to Asda to get a little bit of shopping. Big mistake, Haydar was shattered and screamed his way round the store for icepops that were not frozen, even got him a frozen one out of the freezer and that was n't good enough. He still sceamed all the way home or nearly home, had to stop at another shop to get something for hubby and a 5 min quick nip into the store unded up in a 45 minute drama with Haydar screaming for the loo twice (ty kind shop people for being very patient with my son) and wetting his pants, first time ever and then still screaming till we got home. Then no one would come and unlock the gate, Haydar was pretty much naked and I was ready to the throw the towel in but still had to sort the kids out for dinner and get cleaned up. Was quite proud of myself though cause these kind of situations would normally mean I'd be heading for the chocolates or anything I could get my hands on - I did feel like that but I did n't succumb!! I'm a star!!.

Made a lovely syn free sweet chilli for dinner, it's so deliscious and really does n't taste as if its so low in everything that you can eat it freely. I'd planned to have it with basmati rice but by the time I got over my Haydar crisis I just ate it on its own, could n't be bothered to wait for rice and probably if I had of waited I'd have eaten loads of other rubbish in the mean time.

Snacked on loads of Melon in the evening, I'm really into melon at the moment as long as I don't have to cut it etc, yes I'm very lazy but I'd rather buy mine ready done from Asda at 87p a pack!!

Right I'm off my lovlies, sweet dreams to you all xxxx


Wednesday 30th of June

Hubby had the day off work today, he has n't been feeling well for a few days and in typical male style he's been dying!! I don't know what it is with men but the slightest sign of illness and that's it, no one can be as sick as they ever are!

It was Haydar's sports day - his first sports day and was really looking forward to the entertainment value - 30 2 year olds trying to do the egg and spoon race in my eyes can only lead to total chaos!! They did n't disappoint, Haydar was right up there yet some how managed to win the bean bag on head race despite never having put his beanbag on his head or even crossing the finishing line! Still he looked as proud as punch standing highest on the winners poladium (think that's what they call it!). Throwing the welly was fantatistic! 90% of the kids threw it and it went backwards! Bless, the wellie was nearly as big as some of the kids! Haydar makes me laugh cause he can't say wellie boots, since he's been able to talk he wears willie boobs! Classic!! The running race provided the best entertainment by far, 30 kids all running off in different directions looking for mum and dad instead of heading for the finishing ribbon - was a great morning, certainly won that I'm going to treasure for a very long time!

All three of us went to the White Rose Centre to do some shopping and had lunch there, I was a good girl, jacket potato and beans for me thank you very mucn. I've not done anything naughty this week and I'm not understanding why the scales are showing a gain - and not just a little gain, a huge gain. Hope the scales are wrong or I'll be suicidal come tomorrow night and weighin!

I had my first ever jacket potato explode on me today - well not me actually but in my oven and boy has it made a mess - think this is what is called healthy living - you make the food but don't get to eat it and then burn hundreds of calories cleaing up the mess! Don't know why it exploded, I pricked them all before putting them in - anyways I ended up with a jacket potato skin with a tiny amount of potato left in it and left over chilli from yesterday - actually I've been so hungry today, nothing seemed to fill me up, wonder why that is that we have days like that???

Had a very lazy late afternoon/evening. After dinner headed upstairs and basically went to bed and chilled, sat on the net and watched tv - I love evenings like that, don't happen very often so when they do they are all the more special. TO be honest, I was just being a lazy cow - really was n't in the mood to do anything and wanted to chill out.

It was the kids school opening night of their school performance. They are performing We Will Rock You and any of you that know the musical will know the parts. Yaz is killer queen, a part so so suited to her, if you knew her and know the part you would know why I was saying that haha - luv ya Yaz!! My youngest daughter has several smaller parts and I'm equally as proud of her as Yaz. I was so nervous for them sitting at home wondering how they had got on but pleased to say it was a huge hit, nothing major went wrong and I'm looking forward to watching it tomorrow night on what will be Yasmeens 17th Birthday!!

That's me for now, good night my luvlies and tomorrow is another day, another pound off or in my case on if the scales are anything to go by sheeeeesh!!



Thursday 1st of July

I'm officially a plank!! I will explain why later.

First of all I want to say a very happy birthday to my darling daughter Yasmeen - this time 17 years ago I was n't a habby bunny having gone through 12 hours of induced labour, not dilating one single centimetre and then having to have an emergency c section. Of course all was forgotten the minute she was placed in my arms. She's rather too big to be placed in my arms now but never will be too big for a big old cuddle from mum!

Today was a complete day off plan - did n't plan it that way, did n't even consider it but with one thing and another, a happy meal and a few too many alpen light bars kind of put me off track - actually I'm saying off plan but in all honesty looking back it was n't nearly as bad as what I thought - I seem to have gone off having bad days full of chocolate and crap just the odd thing here and there. Progress I'd say!!

It was a totally chaotic day today - shopping with the daughter, not a pleasant experience but a birthday treat, on top of that had to go to group and be weighed, and get back to school for the school performance amongst other stuff like the doctors, dropping kids off school and so on.

So we come to my weigh in - I had to go early cause of the school performance and they were just setting up as I got there - told my consultant I'd had a massive gain but could n't say why and I had n't done anything that I should nt have done during the week - stand on scales and am told 9.5lbs on!! Gutted but what could I say :( As the consultant was writing it down she said Alia that's not right - you've lost 9.5 pounds!! I had n't even thought of looking at the stones, I'd been looking at the pounds all week - what a total plank but a very happy plank indeed!! 4 stone 3.5 pounds down now and feeling rather smug!

The school performance was amazing - I'm bursting with pride, both my daughters shone and it was the perfect ending to a totally pefect day!!

On that note, I'm off to get some shut up, really hectic day, rubbish nights sleep last night and I'm totally shattered.

Good night my luvlies, sweet dreams to you all xxxx


Friday 2nd July

I've gone into lazy mode!! Don't know why or if its just the weather but quite simply I can't be arsed to do anything sheeeeesh.

Had to go to the doctors this morning, in quite a bit of pain with something but hopefully now with these strong antibiotics it will start to get better asap. Not funny when things are n't quite right downstairs with the plumbing, something men will NEVER EVER understand!!

Ali stayed off school, not very well apparently though he seemed to make a miraculous recovery during the day - lucky its just the last few days of school and I'm not in ogre mood or I'd have sent him in later in the day. Leila stayed off school to although she was just totally shattered after the performances and needed a good rest to be ok for todays. We went to Asda for lunch with Haydar then dropped him off at nursery and went home.

Had a good day foodwise, ate healthy stuff, all within my syns and allowances - would be good if I could have a 3rd good loss in a row although i'm not couting on it, just cause of how much I've lost in the last two weeks. I'm feelign so positive now, just goes to show that we shouldn't use the scales at home but I don't think I've got the will power to keep off mine for m ore than 6 hours lol

I need sleep!! Haven't been able to sleep for nearly a week now and its driving me mad. I think that's why I'm not in a motivated mood to be honest cause I am not getting enough rest and I'm just so shattered!! Still, sleep is n't going to be heading my way for a good few months so I better get used to it and just get on with things other wise we'll end up on how clean is your house before the year is out with Kim and Aggy telling me what a lazy moo cow I am bla bla

Right off to go and toss and turn some more, good night my lovlies, hope you get more sleep than me!!


Saturday July 3

It's the bloody weekend and Haydar woke up way too early for my liking!!! Still was n't feeling motivated, had a really really lazy day, just pottered around not doing very much, someone has taken my mojo - my house cleaning mojo!! I need it back, the house is driving me crazy, I can't stand it like this, its not dirty its just disorganised. I usually do the ironing every day and I think it's been about a week since I did it!!

We went to the final showing of the kids We Will Rock You performance and it was fantastic, I wanted to jump up and scream 'that's my daughter' as she was singing 'another one bites the dust' and driving her 4 inch heels into some poor young mans chest!! Start as she means to go on that's what I say!!! Chris came too, he's been such a good support to Yasmeen, she's a very lucky girl to have someone so loving and caring person behind her. Leila looked so confident on stage - not like my little timid girl at all - this show has been good for her, its really brought her out of herself and given her the confidence she was lacking. I'm sure its the start of fine things for her.

I had a terrible headache after the performance, think all the fireworks etc in the show did nt help and by the time I got home all i could do was curl up in bed, did n't even get anything to eat. Don't like this not being able to take painkillers business, I know its going to be worth it in the end but it's not fun to go through at the time.

Again a good day on the plan, totally on track and nothing negative to report at all - oh I had 2 bites of haydar's subway - salad and tuna and mayonnaise but that was well within my syn allowance so its all good.

Good night my darlings, sweet dreams!!


Sunday 4th July

oh soooooooooooooooooo not motivated still!! I'd arranged to go see a very good friend of mine in Manchester today as she's heading off on holiday for 6 weeks on wednesday and I won't see her for ages. Took all of my motivation, not very much at all to get myself dressed and organised. Haydar had turned into damion and was playing up big time, the house completely disorganised and in all honesty the idea of just heading back to bed was so much more appealing than the long drive but I wanted to see her so got myself organised eventually. I was meant to leave at 11 but it was more like 12.30 by the time we got out the door.

Today was a really hungry day - we headed for the trafford centre and I needed food so headed to spud u like and had a jacket potato, no butter but with beans and extra beans - really fancied sosmething different but they would have all been a disaster on my plan so I was a good good girl. I asked the guy for pepsi max to drink but I'm not sure it tasted like pepsi max, I sometimes think these people try to sabotague us fatties on purpose - like your that fat you think a pepsi max is going to make any difference? Oh just let me catch one of the little squirts red handed doing that to me and they will have pepsi max coming out of every orrifice in their body!!

Trafford Centre was heaving! I so was n't in the mood, but all the kids, my friends and Haydar were playing up so we just grabbed something she needed for her holiday then headed off out of there. I've been after a certain style of gladiator shoes for so long, having size 9 feet it's been impossible to get them - my buddy got some from the arndale centre in Manchester and they did them up to a size 10 so I was too and froing about wether to go and get them or if I just could n't be bothered. Decided at the last minute to go and literally ran into the store as the guy started to put the shutters down but after a bit of pleading he let us in to get what I wanted as long as we were like speedy gonzaleez! Even managed to find a matching bag even if I did have to buy the shoes a size too big cause they did n't have my size and there was just no way I was going home without them!!

Had jacket potato with beans again for dinner, there will deffinately be an increase in the wind flow in our house tonight!! Was meant to chill out after dinner but we had a major crisis at my friends house - her little son put the plug in the bath and left it running for about an hour and a half - lets just says Haydar asked me why it was raining in the kitchen! There was water everywhere, kitchen, hall way, walls ceilings! It really wasn't pretty and we had alot of clearing up to do - that's going to take a longgggg longgggggg time to dry out bless - her hubby was n't very impressed when he came home!

Right off to toss and turn again, I'm shattered but I know what's going to happen!

Good night my huns, sweet dreams xxxx

Summer is here! Week 15

Monday 21 June

Hallejuah!! Looks like summer is finally here, the weather today was just so nice, was able to get so much washing done despite feeling pretty lethargic and not in the mood to actually do anything so I was pottering the house doing odds and sods here and there - funny how some days I'm so energetic and other days even getting up is too much. I think its how I start the day that makes the difference. The days when I get up and start on the housework straight away, I'm pretty much on the day from morning til night but if I get up and start off having a coffee and sitting on the net I just don't seem to have the get up and go to get sorted!

I'm having a really fat day today! I look fat and feel so fat, lool duuuuh, that's cause I fat!! I'm sure other circular people will identify with this, some days when I'm dieting I feel like I've lost stones and stones, I'm slender (ish) and everything looks good on me, think the word is dillusional (sorry about my spelling). Other days I look at me and see my mountains of blubber and hate everything I wear and how I look! Strangely, there is a connection between having a good day food wise and feeling I'm looking radiant, when I've had bad days I just feel like such a loser and failure and that was me today!

I went well over my syns, don't want to count how many cause I don't want to know and I certainly don't want any of you lot to know either! denial is ignorance and in this case I would rather be ignorant! The scales are still showing in my favour but will have to wait to see what happens on weigh day!

I stayed home all day today, I love being home and am a true home lover. My friend who is staying for a few days is more of a get out and go person, by evening she went off for a walk, I'm more than happy to be in my 4 walls and just plod along. I think its just cause I'm lazy lol or I'm too fussy about the house to leave it and let it get messed up. This evening was bloody stressful with the youngest of my twin boys, he better hope he's reached puberty and this is a teenage mood swing cause if he has n't and it's going to get any worse than this, I'll be shipping him off to some remote island and will make a door frame and door for him so he can slam that as many times as he likes without worrying about the plaster around the door frame falling away!! Boys should come with a warning label or at least a refund policy with option to exchange, sheesh would have done with hoping on a plane some where tonight!!

Tuesday 22 June

The least said about today the better, food wise anyway, infact everything, was an awful day foodwise and an awful day stress wise.

It's my husbands fault - I ask him to buy packets of snack a jacks but he buys the big caramel ones and once that is opened I can't stop - I only wanted a couple of the bag ones! Had a really healthy lunch, spud u like jacket potato with beans and managed to resist a mcdonalds flurry but I wish I'd have had one now cause the day went from bad to worse. Got stressed in Next by some rude irate woman for simply asking if she was waiting in the queue and got a mouthful for the priviledge - 'I'm not standing here for the fun of it you know' talk about major attitude problem, she gave another shitty remark a little later and I so wanted to mouth back but I was n't going to sink to her level - she's probably got a crappy husband, bless, she can't help it can she!

Haydar went to nursery in big boy pants!! My baby is growing up way way to fast and I'm not like it at all - I want him to stay the age he is, stops me getting more grey hairs and having to admit that I'm near on 40 - over 3 years ago, forgive me for my exagerations.

We've bought a new mattress for our bed, its finally on the bed and how high is it!! Think I'm going to need a step ladder like the princess and the pea. It's feeling rather strange, it's so much harder than the one I slept on before but dont know if that was just because it had been slept in it for a while and had softened a little. I've certainly made my mark on it, when I get off it, it looks one of those craters you see on the moon lol.

Right I'm off to catch some snoozes and will write to you again tomorrow my luvlies xxx

Wednesday 23rd June

The day started off going according to plan - had lovely beans on WW toast and some fruit and I stayed on track till the football started! My friend and I sat in the lounge, pepsi max, ice and a slice, snack a jacks and alpen light bars but ended up going a bit mad with them cause of all the excitement.
Ended up treating myself to a Magnum and a whispa and to be honest, and I really mean it, I bought myself two whispas but only had one and really did n't enjoy it that much!
Tomorrow is another day and I really do need to get back on track - I'm deffinately expecting a gain this week just hope its minimal. My friend went back to manchester this evening so I've no excuse now to not be following the plan. I feel really bad about it but not bad enough to sabotague my weightloss plan. I will pull this back and have a good week. I treated myself to loads of new scarves in the shopping mall, looking forward to getting them out and wearing them along with my new skirts. I'm not really feeling the whole maxi dress thing on me, too small on top to fill them for the size I need to fit on the bottom so figure that skirts are the best option for me.
Oh today was the first full day of potty training and my son is a suprestar, no other way of saying it - he got up in the morning and asked for his nappy to be taken off and from then on he went to the toilet every time he needed the loo and no accidents at all, not even at nursery. Is it really going to be this easy? Time will tell I guess.
Right me lovlies, I'm shattered, had way too many late nights while my friend was here and I'm really feeling it now. Sweet dreams xxx



Thursday 24th June

I'm my own worst enemy for sure - started off badly with a pack of walkers prawn cocktail crisps but accepted that and decided to syn them, not sure how many syns though, will have to check but I'd say 8 or 9 to be on the safe side..... Made a good choice, was really in the mood for snacking but decided to make myself one of my triple sandwiches, so far so good and I stayed good really till after getting the kids from school - had one bag of snack a jacks which turned into 4 bags, I'm not buying them any more, they are far too dangerous to have in the house - then had 2 alpen light bars, again not buying them again, want to avoid temptation and by not having the temptation in the house is the best way for me! Then had 2 small squares of corned beef (was making corned beef hash for the kids for dinner) and omg how bad is that, so so fatty, can't believe that at one point corned beef was free on the SW plan, it was many moons ago - don't even want to think about how many syns are in that!
Headed off to my group expecting to hope for damage limitation and guess what........ I lost 6.5 pounds, how amazing is that. All I can think of, is that last weeks perfect week when I lost 2.5 pounds has shown up this week. I was so chuffed but ever so slightly bemused and a bit embarrassed by the attention I recieved for getting slimmer of the week, slimmer of the month and my 3.5 stone award. I'm not good at recieving attention, in a group of people like that I'd rather just melt into the background but having said that, this week was n't all bad really, did n't have mad binges on chocolate etc, will just have to see what happens next week...... I've lost 50lbs in total now, that sounds alot does n't it and I'm mightily pleased with that - hoping that by the time I've lost the next 50lbs there is a significant difference in how I look cause I'm not seeing much difference myself and was rather disheartened to try on a new top in a size 32 and it wasn't happening, was way too tight on my tummy and I got a bit frustrated. Then on the other side I went to Asda today and picked up my first thing I've ever been able to buy from there, a red cardigan - you know the thin ones with the uneven hem and that was only in a size 24 - I say only, it still looks like I could make a 4 berth tent out of it but I was so happy. I think sizing is totally different depending which store you buy from. Then came home and went shopping mad on line for lots of nice tops which I hope to shrink into during the next few months - my hubby would kill me if he knew lol, spent about £200 on stuff that I dont know how long I'm going to be in them. Mind you I think that with tops you can keep on wearing them while you are shrinking, they will just get baggier and baggier, its jeans and trousers that could be the problem, constantly hitching them up or wearing a belt to tie them round your waist.
Oh while I remember, the significance of the picture of the icecream cone is that I made some syn free icecream over the weekend with yoghurt, fromage frais and splenda with some bananas chopped into it and it looked and tasted deliscious.
Righty my luvlies, off to get some shut eye ready for a new start tomorrow - oops not sure how that will go, might have to wait till saturday as I'm out for dinner tomorrow night but I'm sure I can go for damage limitation and have sensible choices and not go mad on things that will be laced with syns! Can't remember the last time I was let out to play in the evening so I'm deffinately not going to make myself miserable by not eating anything.
xxx


Friday 25th June


I kept myself really busy today cause I feel like I've been losing grip a bit lately and getting slightly lazy - don't get me wrong I'm not sitting on the couch all day long watching day time tv but I've let the ironing build up a bit, usually do it every day so that does n't happen so after a good clean up this morning I tackled the ironing. Haydar's still doing fantastically with the toilet training, no accidents it just takes patience when you are trying to get on with things but he's such a star, did n't think it would be this easy.
I popped into Asda on the way back from dropping Haydar at nursery and then came home and crashed out on the couch - as usual, when I try to have a nap the phone rang and someone knocked on the door and then was just nodding off again when the kids came home from school arghhhhhhhh no rest for the wicked.
My mum popped over, she's such a star cause we needed extra deep sheets for our new memory foam mattress and I'd only found them for more than £30 each and she found them for £19.99. She had been to the Yorkshire Woman of the year awards as one of the ladies that worked with her, now retired and worked selflessy for 35 with the people in the hospice. There was a gift bag for every one on their chairs, makeup and mum passed it to me - a lovely mascara and foundation that was so dark it left a stain on my hand when I rubbed some in! I'm assuming its for people with black skin but I've never seen foundation that dark!! It resembled coffee granules it was so dark - needless to say I aint using it haha
I had really sad news today - my best friends daughter has been diagnosed with bone cancer so I had quite a few tears over that cause no child should suffer like that and when its so close to home it comes as so much as a shock - it's always something that happens to other people not your own kids or kids of your friends. She goes into hospital in Birmingham on Sunday for a biopsy and more scans to see exactly what we are dealing with. I pray it's not spread and that the treatment for this will be as easy on her as possible.
I had arranged to go to a friends house for dinner as she was having a ladies get together but was thinking not to go but I'm glad I did, it made me stop thinking about my friends daughter for a while and I actually had a good time. I was so so good with the food - nothing was really Slimming World friendly so I had the tiniest portion of shepherds pie with salad, and NO cake or Deserts - how focused am I :)
Night Night my lovelies, its time for me to get my beauty sleep, not that I need it cause I'm down right bloody gorgeous!!!


Saturday 26th June


Actually had a bit of a lie in tonight, Mo Mo has taken Haydar to London for the weekend so its very peaceful here. Did a bit of cleaning up and then decided to head down to the cellar as we have had a leak in there and most of the stuff down there has got damp, including all the baby pictures of my 5 eldest kids - gutted does nt even cut it, I've had to throw loads away but I did manage to salvage alot of them but I'm going to get a skip hired to get rid of most of the stuff down there cause it's all been ruined. I know I've got more pictures but probably did n't see them cause they were buried by loads of crap.
I'm a shoe a holic!!! I've got about 50 pairs and I found a box in the cellar that had shoe boxes in it and I was wondering why I would keep shoe boxes till I opened them up and the boxes and each box had a brand new pair of shoes in them - OMG! that is so bad but it was like I'd gone on a shoe shopping spree cause there were shoes there that I can't even remember buying.
I headed off to Warrington to go and see my friend and daughter and I can't believe how focused and good I was with my healthy eating plan. In the morning I had a couple of Alpen Light Bars, a milky coffee and a fat free yoghurt oh and a solero. On the way to Warrington I snacked on melon and a couple of bananas. After I'd been in my friends house for a while we took a walk to tesco express and I hunted for something suitable for me to eat and ended up buying a tin of heinz spaghetti and a 400g loaf of brown bread and had 2 pieces with spaghetti on top and had another solero. Said no to cake and other naughty things which considering the situation would have been so easy to use it as an excuse to eat crap. Kids are so strong, they amaze me. My friends girl is 12 and she is amazing, no tears, big smile on her face and laughing and joking like nothing was wrong - from where do these kids find this strength.
Right I'm shattered after my day and can feel my eyes
getting heavy so good night my luvlies, sweet dreams xxx


Sunday 27th June

The least said the better me thinks!!! Over paid inflated egos and proud to be English??? WTF boys hang yoursleves in shame - not least because you totally shamed yourselves with that defeat from the bloody germans but more so becuase you were nearly responsible for me, a SW member going right off the rails and reaching for the chocolate bars and icecream!! Suffice to say your bloody lucky that I have so much more staying power than you lot and I will not be coming home, I will be staying till the end!! Hitting target, more than you bloody imbeciles could do!!

Rant over, we will from this point no longer mention the football! Oh except to laugh at the loonies that have painted the English flags on their houses, you must be feeling so gutted, morons, could have told you not to bother, history tells us we are crap in international competitons!!

I'm such a bloody good girl! Stayed on plan, had all my syns and HEX choices but all things considered that was some achievement.

I even vibrated for a full hour today, don't know where the motivation for that came from but I did it and I felt it too. It's so bloody warm, no I'm not complaining (much) but its not funny when you trying to do your housework and you have to move in the heat - I much prefer the beached whale look, rosy red cheeks, skin burning and spread out all over a blanket on the grass! Shhheeeesh not a pretty thought I have to admit myself - nearest I get to outside is on the back patio on the table and chairs with the washing blowing all around me, I jest not!

New week tomorrow, wonder what weight loss it will bring, I've been good but I'm still thinking I might pay for last week some how - we shall see.

Right I'm off to toss and turn a bit, I've always been a tosser (now now, we are talking bum and rest of me on matress here, I'm not insulting myself!) and I'm even worse when the weather is like this.

Oh one more thing, Hubby is ill, and don't we all bloody know it!! What is it with men when they get a bit of a cold, suddenly they are dying - actually I'm suprised he did n't bloody die the amount of blankets he had over him, could have cooked an egg on him how warm he was. No doubt this won't be the last I (or you) hear about it!!

Night night my lovlies xxxx

Not Bloody Funny!!! Week 14

Monday 14th June

I'm allowed to wallow and feel sorry for myself today, my back is just getting worse and I'm starting to feel really down about it - strangely enough though and really very unlike me I'm not reaching for the chocolate bars or icecream, infact quite the opposite, I'm still having my 100% days and all things considered I deserve a bloody medal.

I'm my own worst enemy. I'm in agony but I'm still doing all the cleaning and keeping on top of things just as I always have, its just taking me that bit longer to do it - yes yes yes I know the doctor said I need to rest - so let him provide me with a cleaner, cook, nanny, driver, referee etc and then I might just be able to rest. I'm still getting up in the middle of the night to go downstairs and check its all tidy etc and I always end up unloading the dishwasher and so on, making it spotless so when I get up in the morning I dont have to face it - I need to stop this Not only is it bad for my back, its just bad full stop - I need more sleep and need consistent sleep. I think I do it because I've had all my medication before sleeping so I'm not in so much pain when I wake up for the loo so my mind thinks I should take advantage of not being in agony and go get some stuff done - this leads me to another point!! I've been reading through my blog and on a couple of posts quite alot of what I've written makes no sense lol - no I've not been on the whisky or anything else for that matter but I have to take alot of medication at night, tablets for pain, for sciatica, for neuralgia etc and they make me really sleepy and often make me talk a load of rubbish and I think those posts have been written long after the medication has taken affect so my sincerest appologies :)

I ate more today but was all within my plan, used my syns and my HEX too. It's weird though cause when I use all of what I'm allowed part of me thinks that equates to a bad day - ridiculous I know but its very hard to explain. I love being in control of every aspect of my life but food has for so many years controlled me. For the first time ever I'm in control and I'm eating to live, not living to eat and its quite a strange concept for me. For the last week, since I came home from my friends I've been so in control its scary. Nothing has passed my lips that should n't have (behave, not smut intended at all )and I love this feeling of having total control - I'm sure soon enough I'll slip and have a bad day but for now I'm making the most of it. xxx

Tuesday 15th June

It's official, I'm bloody Wonder Woman!! Actually I suspect the majority of the female population of the world can lay claim to that title too. I may still be in agony (even worse than yesterday) however I still manage to keep a spotless house.

I think today is day 10 of 100% and I'm feeling really good - I'm so proud of me, I've never followed a programme like this for more than say 3 months and even then it's been a real struggle - I'm so excited to think that this time, maybe the last time I ever have to make a weightloss journey - ok so its a work in progress and probably always will be cause I'm always going to have to work to maintain my target - I'm not lucky enough to be one of those walking skeletons who can eat what they want, when they want and as much as they want and still look like their bodies are inside out!

I'm not sure if its the sunshine today or the nearly 3 stone that I've lost but I'm feeling really upbeat, like I can take on the whole world and win. I love this feeling, I hope it lasts... NO it will last, I've ordered it to do so.

I can't believe that my little baby girl is going to be 17 in a couple of weeks. First lets deal with the age issue - yes it makes me feel old but in reality I'm not - I'm not even close to hitting 40 but when I think back over the last 17 years so much has happened - I've probably lost and gained about 30 stone for a start! Oh what a waste, if only I'd stuck to it or had the same mindset that I have now I'd have been living in slim street for the last 15+ years instead of pudge lane! 17!! Oh gosh when I think back to where I was when I was 17 and where Yaz is, we are worlds apart - I was n't even living at home by then yet I don't even let Yaz sleep over at her friends house - yes I'm very protective over my children but then we don't live in the same world that existed 17 years ago. Oh and Dubai was so so different to the UK, man we did n't even lock our car doors yet here anything that's not nailed down will walk! I guess soon I'm going to have to let go a bit and give her some freedom but its really hard to do that, think I'll have to do a lot of convincing to myself to do that. I'm so very proud of her, she's a beautiful young lady with a promising future ahead of her and I know she'll do it, no matter what aims and goals she sets herself.... she'll be there and I'll be there celebrating at her graduation a few years from now.

I'm neglecting my husband! No other way of putting it. He's feeling unloved at the moment, what between cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, following this healthy eating plan there are few hours left in the day for hugs etc - my mind does n't stop, its always racing, thinking about the things that need doing, the things that I could be doing. Need to work on that I think, he's my world, my rock, don't want him to continue feeling like this. Hell, does it really matter if the dishwasher gets emptied at 3am rather than 8am or that I did n't wash the bathroom floor for one day - I know on paper it looks easy to change but infact its really difficult - I think I'm becoming more and more obsessed as the days go by, not just with cleaning but with eating. I seem to be eating less and less as the days go on - I'm keeping myself so busy so I don't sit there thinking about food or making it or eating it so there is method in my madness but what is n't so good is I'm getting up early, cleaning up all morning till Haydar goes to nursery and then if I've got everything done I might start thinking about food by about 2 or 3 o'clock. I've got a really strange feeling that despite having done so well this week that I'm not going to lose - of course that does n't make sense, one would assume that with having eaten so little this week, the pounds would just melt away but it does n't seem to work that way - guess we will see tomorrow evening, god help those dam scales if they read me something I dont like!!

I've got a cold sore! Not had one of those in ages - they are meant to be a sign that you are run down or not getting enough vitamin c - how can I be bloody run down, I'm eating so much more healthier than I have in years, maybe small quantities but it has to be better than the usual crap I have survived on for years. Maybe its cause I'm tired, I have been really tired lately but thats cause I get up in the middle of the night and start cleaning, I have n't had unbroken sleep in ages.

zzzzZZZZzzzzz think I nodded off there for a couple of minutes so I'll take that as the sign that I'm well and truely knackered!!! Gud night ma lovelies xxx

Wednesday 16th June

FOCUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED <-------- that's me :D

busy morning as all mornings are - decided to clean the cooker today, it took me 3 and a half hours but that's what happens when you start scrubbing the cooker and all the shelves and doors tc - had to answer the door to the comet repair man in my marigolds. Not smut plz, I was fully dressed in my pjs, result I'm getting a new freezer, this one is only 5 months old but the fault could n't be repaired!

I'll be honest, I've got lazy with this blog for the last couple of days and I'm actually writing this on friday and I'm actually struggling to remember anything significant that happened on this day - it's an age thing I keep being told. How come once you get past 35 your suddenly well on the way to being old?

I'm giving up, I've struggled and it's still not coming back to me so rather than freak myself out more by my failing memory I'm going to just skip to Thursday cause I can remember what happened then :d

Thursday 17th June

The sun was beaming today and it put me in a really good mood. Did some cleaning up and then went out with Haydar before I took him to nursery - we went to have the car washed - don't know why but that boy is fascinated with watching these men spray water and soap all over the car and then clean it off - he gets really excited about it, thats cool, I know where I'm taking him on our next day out. Went to do some shopping in Asda and Haydar ate a prawn mayonnaise sandwich as we were walking around - well I say ate, I had to practically forced feed him it and he only had half of it and I did n't even have a single bite and any one that knows me will tell you that I love prawn mayonnaise sandwiches, they are my thing and I used to get one every time I went to the s upermarket and eat it as I walked around - I've had a few disaproving looks, like who's business is it if I decide to eat a sandwich or a full bloody cheesecake while I walk around - I know for sure they are n't looking at me cause I'm eating they are looking at me cause I'm FAT and eating! Contrary to popular belief fat people have to eat too!

I had a snooze this afternoon, did n't really expect to sleep but I lay on the sofa and was out for the count - woke up and looked at the clock and it said 5 to 5 and I got really confused when hubby rang saying he was at nursery and did Haydar have a hat and if he did what did it look like. I looked at the clock again and it actually said 5 to 6 which meant that, that conversation actually made much more sense. What is it with men and leaving things at nursery - one day he came home with the wrong coat, the wrong bag and the wrong jacket, suprisingly he did actually manage to come home with the right child!

Fat club tonight!! Oh gosh I used to watch that programme and it had me in stitches, I'm just trying to imagine if SW actually had consultants like that, it might be quite amusing actually. Although my scales were showing that I had put on I figured that could n't really be true cause the trousers I put on were so lose compared to last time I wore them so it was probably the loosing inches and not pounds thing. I lost 2.5 pounds which I'll be honest about, did n't get me jumping up and down with excitement, I actually made her do it again cause I could n't believe I'd only lost that amount - not one bad thing passed my mouth this week so I should have had a good 5 or 6 pound loss, only thing that I can think of is that I have n't been eating enough so from tomorrow the tactic is I'm going to eat everything that I'm allowed to eat, HEX choices, syns and loads of free food and super speed food etc. We can see then what happens to my weightloss next week.

I'm so excited and I just can't hide!! Yes yes over the top I know but we ordered our new memory foam mattress. I slept on one when I stayed at my friends house the other weekend and it was just the best nights sleep I have had in so long and hubby said as soon as I told him about it that we could get one. It's quite funny when I think of memory foam mattresses. Before I actually slept on one I had visions of me sinking right into it and having to dig myself out of it in the morning - it was so NOT like that lool, it was like I was thinking of sleeping on a fluffy cloud. Good nights and pain free mornings ahead!

I vibrated tonight, please refer to previous posts, its a form of excercise before any of you start wondering, I did it for an hour despite my bad back and I'm going to be doing it every night cause the week that I did it solidly i lost 5lbs and I think it helped. We shall see!

Friday 18th June

Gosh for the first time in ages I had very little to do this morning cause I'd done it all - just cleaned the bathrooms and had a general tidy around.

So today is the first day of eathing 3 times a day properly and eating the right things between meals if I'm hungry - sounds a bit scary to me, like I won't be in control but I'll be working at it and see how it goes.

I had a banana and yoghurt for breakfast and then pottered around a bit - honestly I hate it when I'm not busy cause it makes me think of food that bit more.

Took the little one to nursery, and popped to Tesco on the way home. Headed straight for the couch and a nap cause I was feeling knackered, my own fault, getting up in the middle of the night to clean is not good for you!

I had golden rice and chick pea dahl for dinner and I actually managed to eat about half of it and I really did enjoy it. I'm learning so much about my pouch and what I can actually eat is surprising me cause its a good amount and makes me feel quite normal. Clearly I'll never be able to eat as much as a normal stomach can eat but its enough to for me and I'm enjoying actually having different foods and disccovering just how much I can eat. Makes me feel half way normal at least (hmmmm no comments on that as clearly a few of my friends will disagree on the normal part of things!).

In the evening I had a sandwich and yoghurt and snacked on fruit and yoghurts. It did feel a bit strange eating that much, still have to get my head around this fact that you can eat as long as its within the plan, either free, HEX or sinned things then you are still excercising an element of self control. This is clearly an area that I need to work on but I will get there, if not today, or tomorrow I will deffiantely get there one day!

Saturday 19th June

How typical! Pinic day has arrived and it looks like its going to bloody rain and its so windy that it's freezing. This day out has been arranged for weeks and there has been lovely weather

Leila and I made up a healthy picnic, don't think there was anything 'bad' in there, infact apart from the mayonnaise in the sandwich, the houmous was the only thing that had syns.

Met up with some lovely ladies and we ate our picnic under the gazebo in the park cause it was windy and was raining but we still had fun and every one seemed to enjoy themselves. After that we took the kids into tropical world, it was n't bloody cold in there, the sweat was dripping off me. I was really good, I had a solero icelolly but synned it and really enjoyed it too.

Seemed to walk for miles and miles today, we did n't but its the furthest I've walked in a long while and I'm glad I had the sense to take some of my painkillers before we left so I did n't have to worry about backache too. I doubt very much I would have been able to do that before I lost the 3 stone, it still tired me out but at least I managed it. yeah me, this weightloss life style is already having a positive effect on me.

Came home rather late and had the rest of my rice and chickpea dahl from yesterday plus strawberries and cherries and I did have another solero so I might have gone slightly over my syns but thats fine cause I always have a few spare at the end of each day anyway.

I don't often socialise like I did today, mainly it was because at the weight that I was at I would have struggled with walks etc and its rather embarrassing to go out to the park or whatever in a group and end up miles behind cause you are out of breath or in pain. I'm looking forward to doing more of it as my weight continues to drop, it's good for me, its good for Haydar to mix with other kids and Leila really enjoyed it too.

Heading off to sleep now feeling rather smug and content - today could have been a recipe for disaster but I kept control, did n't eat any of the sweet things that were being passed around by the other ladies and just stuck to the healthy options I had taken with me :)

Sunday 20th June

Today was official a day off!! It did n't start that way and it certainly was n't planned. It was a lovely day from first thing in the morning so hubby decided to put our new gas bbq together - I say new, it was a hand me down from my inpatient mother - she bought it and when she tried to put it together she discovered there were screws missing and not being of the patient sort she swore very loudly and threw it in the garage and went and bought a new one, as you do - lucky for us that when we got it, hubby took it to pieces to start again and there was actually no screws missing, mum had just used the wrong screws in the wrong places :D so ty mother for our new posh BBQ :D

Any how mum was coming over to bring my son home as he stayed at hers over the weekend so he could cut her grass (and get paid for the priviledge!) and we decided hubby would go and get the gas and a shedful of meat and we would do a BBQ. Strangely enough I was ok till I went to the front door and the baby's changing bag was on the side open and there was a half packet of malted milk biscuits grinning at me - just out of no where I popped on in my mouth and true to form, one is not enough and I kept going back till the packet was empty! Then it was kind of 'I'm having a day off' and although I did n't go mad and not a hint of chocolate passed my mouth I had a few solero lollies, a packet of skips and a few other things that have totally passed me by - its ok I'm not worried, tomorrow is a new day and its nice to be able to do that from time to time.

I've got a friend coming to stay for a few day which will be quite testing cause although she is following the plan too instead of helping each other sometimes we have a tendancy to encourage each other to be naughty - I can't even begin to mention here what we did one day while she was here last time she stayed, I'm not that brave and I think she would actually kill me if I shared that tale - suffice to say it truely was not pretty and I ended up feeling q uite traumatised by the whole experience and actually quite degraded.... we will have to work that bit harder now to make sure we stay on track and don't egg each other on when one is feeling a binge coming on.

Stayed up really late, far far too late, went downstairs, did some cleaning up and grabbed a few corner yoghurts on the way - more syns, can't even begin to think how many I did have today but I'm so over it now, tomorrow is a new week and and a new day!!!